This weeks weight: 184.4
+/-: +2.4
Total +/-: 0
Thoughts: I feel like a complete failure. I am not in a positive place right now about what just happened and am beating myself up mentally for it. I felt like I did well this week, staying under my calorie goal every day except yesterday. I am hoping that this gain is a false gain due to last night, but that's wishful thinking.
I just don't understand why this weight loss thing is so difficult this time around. I am working out, I'm eating better, I'm feeling better. So why isn't the scale reflecting that?!
I was expecting a gain this morning. I really was. And I was hoping to react like a mature adult about it. To know that the scale doesn't matter, it's just a number, blah blah blah. But it's not just a number. It's a way to measure progress. And my progress is at a whopping zero.
If I'm being totally honest here.. I'm pissed off. Not at the scale, but at myself. It should not be this difficult to lose weight. I looked at myself in the mirror and said "Are you effing kidding me. You are a worthless piece of $h!t.." Yeah, not proud of that, but it's what came out.
Back at it this week. I mean, that's the only option I have. I'm coming back with a vengeance this week and I'm going to do everything I can to see a loss.
After typing this I went out and completed my scheduled workout. I even went an extra mile and did an extra set of my arm workout. It doesn't completely change my thoughts and opinions about this morning, but it does help some.
I also turned to the Weight Watcher's message boards for a boost as well. I think the best advice I got there was to think of all of the things my body has done. Like have a baby and complete 3 marathons. I have run daily for over 3 weeks in a row. I wore a bathing suit and felt somewhat comfortable in it yesterday. I have successfully completed 10 days of the squat challenge. All of that is still there no matter what the scale says. Another poster suggested I write positive messages on the mirror, so I did...
When I get more comfortable in my body I will write more positive physical affirmations (you are beautiful, etc). For now seeing this daily will help. It will be my reminder that this change is so much more than just weight related.
I decided to work on my self appreciation by writing one positive about myself a day. It makes me think of the good things at the end of each day and then I can see the list at the end of the week to boost my self-esteem.
I chose to list them with my weigh in because I know that there will be times that the weigh-in does not go the way I had hoped. I would like to say honestly that the number won't affect me, but it does, so listing my positives will make me focus on that instead of what the scale says.
Positives:
1. I stuck with my scheduled workout and even added distance to my run/walk.
2. I finished my "F you" letter assigned by my therapist. It wasn't very easy to get through and I know I could have gone into more detail about certain things, but I feel like it's a good F you letter and I can't wait to share it on Thursday with my therapist.
3. I am loving how my legs are looking. My calves and shins are getting some definition and I love seeing my hard work pay off.
4. I stayed off of the scale today and didn't obsess about what it says.
5. I finally made it grocery shopping and we once again have fresh fruits and veggies in the house (as well as a lot of other healthier foods).
6. I made some decent choices for today considering there weren't many healthy options. I never felt too full or too hungry. I felt satisfied throughout the day.
7. I ended the week 258 net calories under goal. I think this is great progress after ending last week in the red by 246 calories. No matter what the scale says, I am making huge changes and I feel good, which is so much more important than a number.
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