Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself

1. I am thankful that I plan ahead. I don't usually like to leave things until the last minute (although I have been known to procrastinate) and I like that I usually come up with a plan for things ahead of time. Whether I follow through with those plans or not is a completely different thing.

2. I am thankful that I keep pushing on when I don't necessarily want to because I'm not seeing the changes I wish to see. My body is not really changing the ways that I thought it would or want it to and it's frustrating at times. Instead of giving up though I am continuing to push forward because I know that these changes do not happen over night and if I want to improve my body then I need to continue to workout. At some point my body will start to change and I will notice it more than I am now.

3. I am thankful that I have a supportive family that allow me to go out for my weekday runs. It would be very easy for me to skip these runs because of family obligations, however because I have an amazing husband and awesome parents I am able to fit in a 30-60 minute run 2-3 days of the week and a long run on the weekend. I think they see how  happy running makes me.

4. I am thankful that I have a hobby that makes me happy and that makes me healthy. I don't push myself to try things that I don't like because I know that I get more out of things that make me happy. Running makes me happy and I have often times found myself laying in bed at night after a day that I run and just smile. I love running, not always while I'm doing it or as I'm lacing up my shoes to go for the run, but it is definitely my passion and I really hope that I am able to do it for a long time.

5. I am thankful that I bought two books to help me better understand intuitive eating and my body image. I really think that this is going to be such a positive thing for me and I am really happy that I am no longer wrapped up in my weight, the scale and counting calories. I feel hopeful and positive about my body and am able to spend time focusing on so many other things.

Five things I am thankful for in life

1. I am thankful that I have a beautiful, intelligent and kind daughter. She is sensitive, like me, and I love that I am able to have all of these wonderful moments with her. I often times find myself wondering how someone can leave their child (and grandchild for that matter) and not see them for over 4 and a half years now and just not care. They have all missed out on so many things. I get in my head and think about these things for too long and finally have to take a step back and realize that they may have missed out on these moments, but I didn't. I know her favorite things and I am able to provide for her. I've been there for every birthday, every Christmas, every laugh and every cry. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

2. I am thankful that I have a friend that supports me and my running obsession, and who has now begun her own love for it. I am so incredibly proud of her for deciding to start running and to stick with it even when it got difficult. Her goals are reasonable and I absolutely cannot wait to cross the finish line of her first 5K with her on the 21st. She is going to be great and I hope that this is something we can do together often. I'm really glad that the issues with her shins have begun to improve and I know that the right shoes and her positive attitude will take her so many places.

3. I am thankful that I have been writing in Isabel's journal. It makes me really happy to think that one day I will be able to give her a handful of notebooks that I have filled with quotes and photos and entries about the cute things that she has done and said. I think that it will be really meaningful to give to her when she graduates from college so that she can read through it and see how much she means to me (not that I don't plan on telling her and showing her throughout the years). I have been enjoying it so far and have 11-12 years left!

4. I am thankful that Patrick is so appreciative of the concert tickets I bought for him. He is so excited to go to see Iron Maiden and Megadeth tomorrow and his excitement is making me excited to go. It's definitely not my music and I may or may not be dreading the idea of standing outside in the sun for 8 hours, but it is so worth it just to see him smile.

5. I am thankful that Patrick and I were able to donate money to a good cause last night. A friend from the online community I frequent posted recently about a friend of the family. Her friends two and half year old son was diagnosed with AML (Acute Myeloid Leukemia). They are going to be participating in a walk in October and are fundraising to donate to the hospital that he has been in for his treatments. I wasn't able to donate as much as I would have liked, but I know that it will bring the group one step closer to their fundraising goal.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

November 2, 1999- Freshman year of High School.

I found these pictures in the photo album my mom made me. I have always loved the first picture and have wanted to put it up for motivation. I look happy and I truly loved playing volleyball in high school. Then I injured my knee and had to stop playing after two years.

Being tall definitely had it's advantages and I am somewhat regretting the fact that I didn't continue to play a sport or stick with a healthy routine after I stopped playing.

Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself

1. I am thankful that I am trying to become a more organized person. I am at the point in my life where I want everything to have a place and for everything to be picked up and put away by the end of the day. It may not always happen and I may not always enforce it, but it's what I mentally want to have happen and I think I am attempting to take the steps necessary to make it happen (getting rid of things I do not want/need/use as well as making a chore chart so that Patrick and I feel equal and both participate).

2. I am thankful that I am physically active. I may not always do the workouts I have scheduled or even get in as many as I would like, but I am active and I always feel good and enjoy the endorphins after a good workout. Even simply getting through 5 days of the squats challenge has shown me that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for and I am really enjoying the sore thighs and rear end already.

3. I am thankful that I am willing to put my training on the back burner for others. Sometimes I am able to get in my alone training just for me and I am so grateful for those runs, but I am also so happy to run with other people and to spread the love I have of running to others. Sometimes it's important for me to focus on my run and the things I need to make it through, but most of the time I am so much more interested in seeing other people succeed and reach their goals.

4. I am thankful that I am still excited about our finances and that things are going fairly well. We have been able to make it each week with a little left over. Not much, but enough to feel like there is a bit of a safety net. This paycheck and last paycheck we were even able to transfer extra over to our house savings. We're making progress and that's the important part. I'm also really excited because we are making progress in paying off the rest of Patrick's debt and should be done paying it off by this time next year (if not sooner!)

5. I am thankful that I am feeling sore from the squat challenge. It seems silly because today is only day 5 and I will only be doing 40 squats today, but for some reason it feels different this time around. I think it's because I am taking my time each squat and getting down lower as well as focusing on the movement instead of just getting it done to say it's done. I like feeling sore when I feel like I've earned it.

Five things I am thankful for in life

1. I am thankful that I have had a job with the same company for 3 years. My official anniversary date is September 20th, but I should be receiving my bonus check anytime between now and that date. My goal about a year ago (when things weren't going so well at the office due to people who have bad attitudes and negative personalities) my goal was to make it to the three year mark in order to receive my bonus and because I think that's a good amount of time to be with a company before starting to look for a new job. Well, I've made it. I'll be receiving my bonus. I was recently promoted. And that negative person is no longer working here. Although it would be helpful to make more money, Patrick and I aren't that bad off and if needed I could try to find something so that I can work from home to make a few extra dollars a month to help. I think that it would be worth it right now to stay where I'm at because what I've seen in the want ad's are not offering close to what I make now.

2. I am still thankful for my wonderful parents. I do not know what we would do without them and we are so incredibly lucky. My mom picks up Isabel every day from school unless Patrick is off of work and it is so comforting to know that she's with someone we know, love and trust. She then has to go back to the same school to pick up my niece and her two friends, take her friends to the Boys and Girls Club. It's a lot of driving and a lot of stress, especially when the girls don't get along (which is more often than not). I feel as though my parents did a pretty good job raising my sister and I. We've never had trouble with the law, we've never done drugs, we made mistakes but learned and grew from them, we both have decent jobs and we are both married to pretty awesome men. My parents raised us into good people and I know that their influence on Isabel will help her become a good person as well.

3. I am thankful that I have my new GPS watch. It is amazing and I love uploading my workouts onto my computer. I didn't know that my other GPS watch could do the same and I was able to get it to work for a short amount of time to download those past workouts. I don't want to take this watch off because it doubles as a regular watch. I use it for every walk and/or run so that I can keep track of my progress. I love when something so simple can push you to workout longer and harder. I want to keep seeing the miles increase and the speed increase and every thing else that it offers to track is just icing on top of a pretty sweet cake.

4. I am thankful that we are going to be having a garage sale sometime soon (not quite sure when). We have already started going through our apartment to get rid of the things that we no longer want/need/use and I just downloaded a declutter calander (password: iamorganized) to make sure we get through the entire apartment and really end up getting rid of the unnecessary items as well as clean/organize what we keep. I am excited for this project and even more excited for the money we may make to put towards debt and savings. Most likely (depending on how much we make) we will put a third towards our past (debt), a third towards our future (savings) and a third towards the present (a night out).

5. This week I am most thankful for my husband. On Sunday we had quite a scare and I would really like to never experience anything like it again. Patrick has had a neck problem for as long as I have known him and it has gone on before that. He recently started seeing a doctor for the problem because it finally became unmanageable. On Sunday the pain was more than he could bare, so he decided to take two muscle relaxers. Unfortunately he had also been out in the heat, he didn't have enough to eat and he had a beer. The mixture of everything caused him to almost pass out, become extremely jittery, slur his words and have a difficult time focusing and responding, and all around scare the living day lights out of me. I was not aware of all of the factors when the symptoms first came on and I would have sworn I thought he was having a stroke. An ambulance ride, 5 hours in the ER and an IV of fluids later and he became the man I know. They did do a scan of his head to make sure it was not a stroke (which scared me even more when they thought it could be a reason to the behavior), but thankfully that came back clear. I love this man so much, and the thought of losing him was almost more than I could bare. Thankfully he is alright though and we did have an appointment with his doctor to go over the MRI results. As of right now he needs to focus on taking his anti-inflammatory twice a day, icing his neck every day and using heat every night. He will be starting physical therapy soon. If that doesn't help then most likely he will see a surgeon. Fingers crossed that the physical therapy helps and that he follows through doing what he needs to do.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

 February 2009- Isabel's one year pictures

I had a friend of mine take pictures a few weeks before Isabel's first birthday so that I would have some new pictures of her to put up for the family to see. I know that at that time I was concerned that I hadn't lost all of the baby weight and that I would be doomed to carry it around with me forever.

I did eventually lose what I had gained and then some. And then it quickly came back on.

But looking at these pictures now, four and a half years later I don't see my weight. I'm not looking at my body. I'm looking at my smile and how in love I am with a little girl that makes any room she walks into brighter. She has been such a bundle of joy since the day she was born and I cannot believe how she has changed since the day she was born and how she has changed my life.

Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself

1. I am thankful that I allow myself to adjust to my wants and needs. My weigh loss/fitness/eating goals and habits change often. One week I am at the gym 6 days and counting calories while the next week I am eating what I want and not going to the gym at all. I have learned that it's okay to do what's right for me in the moment and to just make the best choices with the information I have at hand. Right now, for example, I'm trying to eat healthier options and to stop eating when I am satisfied while working out 3-5 days a week (sometimes twice a day if need be). It's what's working for me right now while balancing family, work and my health goals.
2. I am thankful that I am interested in improving my health. It would be way to easy for me to say F it and just give up, eat all the things and never workout. I've done that on a few occasions and I realized that it doesn't make me happy to eat whatever I want. I makes me happy to feel good about myself and to not feel sluggish or sick to my stomach more often than not. I may not ever have my "ideal" body (whatever that may be) but I can feel good about myself at whatever size as long as I am doing the right things.
3. I am thankful that I enjoy my job and that I do a good job doing it. It may not be the job that I always dreamed of having growing up, but it is the next best thing. I love working at a desk in front of a computer and basically doing data entry. There's more to my job then that, but it sums it up easily... I am a quick learner and am thankful for the opportunity to be in a field that I had no experience in and that I had a chance to grow in. I may not make as much money as I'd like (or think I deserve), but it's a good job and I've been here for almost 3 years.
4. I am thankful that I have a fairly good handle on our finances. I have really been enjoying being the one to manage our money and I think that I'm doing a decent job at it. So far we have been able to put extra money into our house savings (not much, but some and right now every little bit counts). I have never been the type of person to want a lot, but I have always looked forward to being comfortable. I have been known to have a hate/hate relationship with money and now that we are combined it is a lot different. I balanced our checkbook after payday and realized that we would actually have some money left over and have been impatiently waiting for the bills to come so I can pay them. That's not like me at all and I like this me a lot better when it comes to money.
5. I am thankful that I can look in the mirror and point out positives in my body. Not every time, but more often than before so that's been a nice change of pace. I don't always see or feel the need to point out the negatives I see, but instead I can look and occasionally point out my stomach and see that it is slimming down, or my thighs and see that they too are becoming stronger. It's a huge step in the right direction.

Five things I am thankful for in life

1. I am thankful that my parents let me run before I pick up Isabel from their house. Some nights I have to fit in a workout where I can and in order to train properly I need to fit in two weekday runs that last anywhere from 30-45 minutes. Some nights I am able to get out there and go for the full 45 minutes, but other nights I can only do a quick run. I'm usually okay with that (especially with the hot weather we have been experiencing) but sometimes it doesn't seem worth it to go any less than 3 miles. Regardless, I do have to get in the minimum amount of time per week because it helps tremendously on the weekend long distance training run. This week I've had to run on the nights that Patrick has had to close at work, meaning I have to run before I pick up Isabel. They are very easy going and know that it's important to me, so they don't have a problem letting me run first.
2. I am thankful that my parents started a savings account for me to go to college. It didn't stop me from applying for scholarships through my high school and it didn't stop me from dropping classes. I made stupid choices, but I still went to college and got my AA. I so wish I wouldn't have screwed around and would have gone onto a 4-year college to get a BS and who knows where I would be if I had done that, but then again I'm happy where I am now. The point of this is that my parents were able to help me go to college and I will be grateful to them for that. In doing so I knew that I wanted to be able to help my children go to college as well and even though I probably won't be able to pay for the whole thing like they did I will be able to help and I love that. Isabel has had an account since birth and my step children's accounts were started about a year before Patrick and I got married.
3. I am thankful that I am getting healthy and trying to get my eating habits under control now. I know a lot of people tend to have a specific date or occasion in mind to motivate them to lose weight: summer, a reunion, a wedding, etc. For me it's the holiday's. I want to get into the habit of eating well and listening to my hunger signals now so that when Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas come around I will be able to enjoy myself but not regret any of my food decisions.
4. I am thankful that my husband appreciates me. I am fully aware that I have a lot of improving to do as a person, as a mother and especially as a wife but I am trying. I need to learn patience when it comes to my marriage. I feel as though I have patience for other areas of my life including Isabel and work, but when it comes to him I am quick to get upset. That's not fair to him. We both have improvements to do and we are working on that together. I am just grateful that when I do things to help (like clean the entire apartment while he's at work or make dinner- which if you knew me is HUGE) he is thankful and takes the time to tell me how much he appreciates it.
5. I am thankful that we are planning on having a garage sale. It is difficult to part with some things (like my size 8 jeans) but it's important to clear out the unnecessary stuff that we don't use and don't need. It's going to be really nice to have space for the things we do want and need as well as some extra money that will be used for our house savings and for getting Patrick out of debt (he is so close!). I am also going to be going through Isabel's stuff and getting rid of some of her things because she has a ridiculous amount of stuff. All of the money she makes from her items will go into her college savings account.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

May 2012- Open House at our Wedding Venue

We were invited to come to our wedding venue to taste food and to see the location all done up. I was in the process of losing weight for the wedding and from the pictures I think I look great. Of course at that time I was still too big.

That was a fun evening. Both of our mom's came with us as well as my best friend. It was there that I realized they stole my idea to do s'mores for dessert (our wedding favor) and I attempted to get something for free but failed. We were the first couple to have a fire pit and roast marshmallows for s'mores at the venue. What can I say? I'm full of great ideas and I truly believe I threw a great wedding.

Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself

1. I am thankful for my smile. Lately I've just been feeling so much more positive and in feeling that way I have been smiling a lot more. I feel better when I'm smiling and (according to Patrick) I am more beautiful when I smile (not that I'm not beautiful when I don't smile...) I like smiling and I like laughing and I like feeling positive.
2. I am thankful that I think ahead when it comes to work. My best friend and coworker are always thinking ahead and trying to help people. This means more work for us, but it really feels nice to help someone. The office dynamic wasn't always like this and she and I rarely got the help we needed, so we vowed to never treat those under us the way we were treated.
3. I am thankful for my flexibility when it comes to working out. I have not made it to the gym at all this week and besides walking and running I have done nothing workout related. I'm not worried, stressed or upset at myself about it though because I am putting my family first and that's a good reason. Plus I'll be at the gym all weekend and next week will be a more normal week.
4. I am thankful that I am not concerned with the scale. After getting rid of it my attitude completely changed about my body. Obviously I'm not just going to suddenly love something I despised so much just because I don't know the number anymore, but I am accepting it and that feels great!
5. I am thankful for my creativity. Although I haven't been able to work on my crafts as much as I would like (financial and time play a factor) I think I have finally found the right way to make them so that they will look their best and hopefully I can start selling them soon.

Five things I am thankful for in life

1. I am thankful for my beautiful and intelligent daughter. Three days into kindergarten and the teacher wants to bump her up to second grade. Unfortunately she can't, so she will be talking to the principle about having her stay in the kindergarten/first grade split class but being a first grader. I am a ball of emotions about this (mostly good). I know it's a good thing, but I'm a mother, I worry. We'll see what happens...
2. I am thankful for bonuses at work. Although the bonus was not as much as I anticipated, it is still extra money that I normally wouldn't have had and I am grateful for it. I was hoping to be able to use it to pay Patrick's car insurance, but unfortunately it's not even enough to do that. It will help though and that's what I'm choosing to focus on.
3. I am thankful that I am focused on financial goals. I am always more motivated to do something when I have a goal in mind. Like with fitness, it helps get me to the gym when I know I need to reach a certain number of miles for the week. I enjoy it more because I am working towards something. For me, it's the same with financials. I so desperately want Patrick and I to be able to buy a house sooner rather than later. I know it may not happen in the time frame I have in mind, but that goal helps push me to do what I can to get there.
4. I am thankful that I have flexibility in my work schedule to be able to take Isabel to school. I am only taking her on the days that Patrick has to open, but it has been really nice getting up with her in the morning, having breakfast together and dropping her off. Next week I will only get to do it one day, and I know that it will vary week to week, but I love being able to participate in this. Normally it's either my mom or Patrick who drops off and picks up, so I like that I can be there for her too.
5. I am thankful that things seem to be heading in a positive direction. I feel positive about most things and am generally happy. I haven't felt this good for this long in quite some time, so I am just enjoying the ride without putting too much stress on anything. I am reaching my miles that I have set and I am enjoying watching our finances improve (savings go up, debts go down). I am focusing on getting rid of unnecessary items in our apartment and using that extra money for our house savings. I am excited to see where things go.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

June 4, 2011- Patrick's cousins wedding.

I had recently hit my goal weight for weight watchers and treated myself to a Vera Wang dress from Kohl's. I felt great in the dress and let loose that night, not caring what people thought. It felt great to just enjoy myself and to dance like no one was watching. 

Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself

1. I am thankful that I have stretch marks as battle scars from being pregnant. My body had to do some amazing things in order to get pregnant and have a happy and healthy pregnancy. I need to stop looking at these things as a negative and instead remember what my body had to do in order to deliver a healthy and beautiful little girl.
2. I am thankful for my thighs. They may not be as small as I would like them to be, but that doesn't mean that they are big in a bad way. They are thick because they need to be in order to get in all of the miles it takes to run all of these races. Without my thighs I wouldn't be able to run. They are not fat like I seem to think most of the time, they are strong.
3. I am thankful that my calves are looking amazing. All of the running, the biking and the elliptical-ing have proven beneficial for this part of my body. I have always loved looking at other runners calf muscles and feeling envious, wondering when mine were going to pop. Well, they are popping and I am more than happy to wear shorts and 3/4 pants to show them off.
4. I am thankful for my feet. A good pedicure changes my opinion about them for the better, but I will always be grateful to have runners feet (blisters, missing toenails, etc). I earned those feet, and although they are not attractive to most I wouldn't trade the miles and experiences I have had for anything.
5. I am thankful for my drive when it comes to working out. It may seem crazy to most to workout as much as I have been these past two weeks, but for me it is becoming second nature. I am enjoying my workouts and the benefits that I am receiving from them. The scale may not be reflecting my hard work, but my endurance and stamina are enough to keep me going. As long as I enjoy the workouts I will continue to do them and when they become boring or I feel like I'm burning out then I will switch things up.

Five things I am thankful for in life

1. I am thankful to have a husband who understands my need and desire to workout as much as I do. I feel as though we have a good system going where I can usually workout before work while he is still sleeping and only spend a small amount of time working out rather than spending time with him and Isabel. Some days I am not able to and I end up spending more time away, but he is so supportive that I know I don't need to feel guilty about this healthy habit of mine.
2. I am thankful that I have a best friend that I can talk to about anything. I know that if I am having a bad day or if I need to talk something out that is bothering me I can turn to her and use her for support. We are able to talk to each other without a filter and our walks together on our breaks are often the best part of the work day. I can only hope that I am able to offer her as much support as she offers me.
3. I am thankful that I am able to afford a therapist. Although I have yet to take any huge strides in improving myself, I am taking baby steps and each session I am able to discover something new and work towards bettering myself. I know that I am only going to take out of it what I put into it, so I have a feeling that our appointments are going to get much deeper so that I can start to see the improvements in myself that I so deeply crave.
4. I am thankful that Patrick and I followed through on combining finances. We both know where we are in regards to our credit score and we are actively working on improving. We're not doing bad, but we could be better and it's important for us to figure this out now instead of in a year or two when we are looking for a house. We are both doing pretty good with our budget (I expected us to stumble a little with the first paycheck or two) and I'm very proud of us.
5. I am thankful that I am feeling genuinely happy. I have a good life and it's about damn time I realized that. I am not always a pessimist, and I try to look at the glass half full as often as I can, but I'm human and tend to hold onto the things that cause me grief. Lately (and I think I can thank the endorphins from working out) the sky has been bluer and the grass has been greener. I'm taking out of life what I put into it. I am thankful that I have a job that I like, I'm thankful that I have a hobby that I can hopefully benefit financially from, I am thankful that I have a best friend that gets me, I'm thankful that I have a cat that is the sweetest thing, I am thankful that I have bonus (step) children that I get along with, I am thankful that I have an apartment that suits our needs, I am thankful that we have money in the bank, I am thankful that we are so close to being out of debt and mostly I am thankful that I have a husband who loves me and who I love. He is patient and understanding and we can get through anything as long as we're standing side-by-side.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

September 20, 2008- Isabel's first trip to the beach.

She had just turned 6 months, so we decided to take her one a trip to the beach. We found a nice little secluded spot where she could play and experience the sand in between her toes. I don't remember, but I don't think I ever took my shorts or shirt off to enjoy the sun and the water. I remember hating my body.

Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself
1. I am thankful that I am able to wake up early and go to the gym. I very easily could have made excuses to not go and to stay in bed for an extra hour, but I went the mornings that I could and I feel better for it.
2. I am thankful that I am able to do Jillian Michaels DVDs. I may curse my way through that 40 minute DVD and I may have to take 5-10 second breaks every once in a while, but I am capable of doing the workout.
3. I am thankful that I have set goals for myself that are fitness related so that I can stop putting so much focus on weight related goals. I feel I have more control over fitness goals.
4. I am thankful that I have found workouts that I enjoy doing. There is no point in doing a workout that you hate. I know that I am uncoordinated and would not enjoy Zumba (for those who enjoy it, I'm not knocking it, just isn't my thing). I don't try Zumba because I wouldn't enjoy it. I love running and I love the stationary bike. I know cardio alone won't change my body much, but I at least can get in a good workout doing these.
5. I am thankful that I have a system for tracking my mileage for running/walking, biking and the elliptical. I love that it is all together in one notebook and small enough to fit in my purse. It feeds into my OCD with the numbers and by writing it all out, but it's what works best for me.
Five things I am thankful for in life

1. I am thankful that I am able to afford a gym membership. Granted the gym that I go to is not very expensive, but it works for me. Other than the personal trainer incident, I have found that this gym is perfect for me. There are a variety of people and a variety of body types. I don't feel out of place like I have in other gyms. I just feel like I'm surrounded by people who are there to better themselves. It's a clean place with a lot of variety of equipment. I've never had to wait for a machine and I recently used the locker room for the first time and I am impressed.
2.  I am thankful that Patrick and I are in agreement with our finances. We have finally decided to combine everything to make it easier on both of us. Although he makes more and will therefore be contributing more, it will cause less stress in my life just as long as I don't think too much about what's "fair". What's fair is that he does make more and should be contributing more. Plus we are both putting money into a variety of savings accounts and this will make it easier to do so, so that I am not putting money in and waiting for a check from him. I am also the type of person to balance a checkbook and pay bills ASAP, whereas he has never balanced a checkbook in the 4 and a half years we have been together and he usually waits (for whatever reason) to pay the bills. They're never late, but it still causes me anxiety. Now I will be in charge of finances and that suits me just fine.
3. I am thankful that I have a husband who loves me no matter what weight I am. I may not always love (or even like) my body, but he has never thought differently of me because of my body shape, size or weight. He is always supportive of my weight loss efforts and always there to encourage me when I'm having a difficult day. It makes it easier to share my successes and my difficulties with him because I know he's not judging me.
4. I am thankful that I get along with my in-laws. Not a lot of people can say that they enjoy being around their in-laws, but I am one of the lucky ones. It is part of the reason that I knew I wanted to be with Patrick for the rest of my life. He has so many great qualities, but his relationship with his parents was important to me. It's never been awkward or uncomfortable and I appreciate that so much.
5. I am thankful that I have a job that I enjoy doing. I have been with this company for almost three years and would have stayed in the lowest position for another 5 if I hadn't been given the opportunity to move up. I am currently learning my new role and although it is challenging on a daily basis, I am really enjoying it and feel like I contribute more to the company. I know that my other role was important, but I feel much more hands on now instead of entry level work.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

February 2010
We were in Vegas for Super Bowl and the top picture is from the night Patrick and I were able to go out while my parents watched the kids. I don't think we did anything too crazy, probably just had a drink and gambled a little, but I remember feeling good about my body when he took this picture.

The bottom picture is from dinner the first night we were in Vegas at Outback. I just like this picture of the two of us. Especially his smile.

Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself
1. I am thankful that I have been able to walk and/or run over 120 miles in the past two months.
2. I am thankful that I refuse to give up. I may constantly be starting over, but I am constantly pushing myself to make it work instead of getting so frustrated that I just quit.
3. I am thankful that I am committed to completing my Coast-to-Coast goal in 2015. I know I was meant to do something like this because I can't stop smiling when I tell people about it.
4. I am thankful that I have found a gym that I am able to afford and that I enjoy going to.
5. I am thankful that I have found a new cardio workout that I enjoy, the stationary bike. It is a great cross training workout and I enjoy it so it doesn't feel like work.

Five things I am thankful for in life
1. I am thankful that I have a best friend that pushes me to go for at least one walk in the morning to break up the work day. We are able to push each other on the days that we just do not have the desire to go. She is someone who will hold me accountable and I appreciate that so much.
2. I am thankful that I have a husband who will compliment me. I may not always believe him (which in turn makes him say sweet things less often to avoid an argument), but the compliments are appreciated.
3. I am thankful that Patrick and I both have jobs that we enjoy and are doing well in. We were both recently promoted which is helping a lot financially.
4. I am thankful that Patrick and I are on the same page in regards to our budget. We are starting with our new budget tomorrow (payday) and we both feel good about what we have set as our goals. It's only a matter of time before we feel comfortable enough to buy our first (and hopefully only) house.
5. I am thankful that I have parents who are involved in Isabel's life. Growing up we were never really close to much of our extended family other than our grandparents. My mother would always say "Thank goodness we get to choose our friends.."

I never wanted that for my children. I wanted a close family. I wanted Isabel to spend time with her aunt (my sister) and uncle (brother in law) and cousin (niece). I wanted to be close with my parents so that Isabel would have a good relationship with her grandparents. I have that.. I consider my mom to be one of my best friends. My relationship is constantly evolving with my dad. I do wish I was a little closer with my sister, but I feel like we have a really close family over all (you have to in order to spend 9 days together on a family vacation with very little stress).

Without my parents I would have never been able to fight as hard as I did for custody of Isabel, or had the courage to put myself out there again. I cannot begin the thank them enough for everything they do for Patrick and I almost on a daily basis by watching Isabel while we are at work. Since Patrick's job is not 9-5 Monday through Friday they have to be flexible and it amazes me how lucky we are to have them in our lives.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

 

 

These pictures were taken at Isabel's first birthday party in March of 2009. It took me almost two years to get back down to my pre pregnancy weight. I was not happy with my body here and I was not happy with other things that were happening that day (most of those things dealt with my ex and his father). I can honestly say that I did my best to let go of the negativity that day and made it all about Isabel. It ended up being a great day for her and I will be forever thankful to my friend Josh for taking pictures.