My Current Top Ten Future Running Goals

1. Finish 12 or more half or full marathons in 2014.

2. Complete the Dopey Challenge in 2015.

3. Complete the Coast to Coast Challenge in 2015 (Dopey and Dumbo).

4. Volunteer at nearby races.

5. Run consistent sub 9 minute miles.

6. Run a 5K straight through.

7. PR my 10K time (currently 1:15:00)

8. Run a marathon in another state.

9. Run at least 1 mile (intervals) every day for a year.

10. Complete a 50K.

And The Streak Has Ended...

When I first found out about the Runner's World Running Streak I was excited to push myself to try something I didn't think I could do. I truly thought that I would run maybe a half mile that first day and over the course of the 39 day challenge I would be able to track my improvement until I could eventually run a mile straight.

But that didn't happen. I got out there that first day and ran a mile straight, and have run a mile straight every day since.

Until yesterday.

To be honest, I have both loved and hated this challenge. I am so excited that I have been able to go out there and run every single day, but the knee pain is almost not worth it. I often look forward to my run, but dread that one mile.

Yesterday just was a little too busy to have a convenient time to go. And by the time I remembered it was almost 10pm and I was already in bed. Excuses, excuses. But, it is what it is and I made it 31 days running a mile every day. That's huge for me!

I was originally going to try to make it 100 days, bringing me right up to when we start training for LA, but that just didn't happen. I'm a little disappointed, but overall I'm proud of what I did accomplish. And in all honesty, I was a little worried about how I was going to fit in running while on vacation. Now there is a little less pressure to get out there every single day.

I want to, at some point, continue to go out daily to run, however I will not be forcing myself to run a mile straight in order to call it a streak.

I will never be the type of person who can run a race from beginning to end. My body was just not built that way. So instead I will use the method I know works best for me, which is using intervals. This is my way of running and it has been proven many times to be an effective way of running. 

I think that making the streak more manageable will help in continuing my progress with it. It shouldn't be something I hate doing. I should be excited every morning to get up and run. I shouldn't have to feel like what I'm doing isn't enough. I mean, I mostly trained for LA this year only running one day a week. (I absolutely DO NOT suggest doing this!!)

The training program I used only recommended running 30-45 minutes two days a week and your long run on the weekend. I know this is meant to prevent injury, but for me, right now I actually want to go out and run more often. Whether it's one mile to keep the streak alive or five because it just felt that good to be out there or twenty-three because I'm training for a race, running is my thing right now, my other love, and I plan on doing it while I can.

Deciding to participate in this streak was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. I have learned that I enjoy running daily and that I can run daily. I've learned that running a mile straight is both doable and difficult. I've learned that I can stick to something I commit to even on the hard days. I've learned that running is the one thing I can do that is just for me.

I look forward to seeing how long my streak will end up being when I restart it. I honestly don't know when that will be because I think my body may need a day or two of rest a week right now and especially during training, but who knows. We'll see what happens...

Thursday June 27th

The Good- I had therapy tonight and was able to talk some more about my negative thoughts about my body and my self sabotage with my eating habits. It seems to make so much sense when she and I talk and I feel so stupid sometimes because it all sounds so silly when I'm talking about it. But then she leaves and my mind starts spinning with negativity and I don't know how to make it stop. It's ridiculous that I can't be happy that I went to the gym last night for 50 minutes, instead I tear myself down for only going for 50 minutes. I can't get in check with my eating because I am so focused on not seeing the results that I throw in the towel and figure that I'm still making progress with working out, so what's the point of the rest of it. I know that with continuing therapy and discussing these thoughts I will make progress with the mental part of it too, which is sometimes more difficult to deal with than the physical.

The Bad- I did not get out of bed to go to the gym this morning like I had planned. I couldn't fall asleep until after 11 last night and then woke up a few times in the middle of the night. I was not well rested and chose to listen to my body instead of push myself to go.

The Positive- My therapist advised I start two journals tonight and go for as long as I can. The first will be a notebook with a positive a day about myself. The second is a notebook with a reason a day why I love Isabel. I decided to have Patrick include one in each notebook and Isabel as well. Isabel's will be given to her when she gets a little older, possibly when she starts going through changes with her body and needs to see reasons why she's lovable. Being a girl sucks and those changes can be difficult to get through.

The Workout- 
50 squats
 
Thoughts for the Day

* When you don't fall asleep until after 11pm and then wake up multiple times throughout the night you are very unlikely to get up with your alarm and make it to the gym in the morning. Meaning that there are two options- 1. take more rest days or 2. get more sleep. Doing both would probably be the best choice.

* It is very interesting watching Isabel play sports. She is very book smart and she definitely tries her hardest, but she lacks coordination.

* I have started reading yet another book and am now in the middle of three. This one is called Running On Faith by Jason Lester and has been really good so far. My favorite part is this:

"When you make extreme-distance sports your life, it's like you have this angel sitting on your shoulder, constantly whispering, "Do something inconceivable. Set the bar higher. Take up a new challenge." Most days, you're too busy to listen, but when things quiet down you start asking yourself questions. Could I improve my split? Could I set a new personal record? Could I keep going past the point where in the past I've quit? It's about inner growth and improving discipline and mental focus. After all, the only person you ever really meet out on the course is yourself. You are your own ultimate competition; at the end of the day, you're the one you have to answer to."

* In order to not kill your plants on the patio you have spent time and money to make more "homey", you must water them or make sure your husband continues to water them. They will die if they sit out in the heat and don't get watered for days at a time.

* I'm going to miss my husband. We have not spent more than one night apart since being married and I am not looking forward to the next 4 nights without him.

* I bought a 16 pack of batteries and have 2 empty 2GB SD cards ready for our 9 day vacation. I am worried that this will not be enough. I intend to take some very artistic photos this vacation (which to me includes a lot of close ups of flowers and animals and interesting buildings, etc). There may be a trip to CVS to buy some more memory.

* Planning on taking that many pictures is ridiculous.

* I am having a really difficult time putting in the work and not seeing the results and am going to use this vacation as a way to stop thinking about what's working and what's not. We are coming back home on a Saturday and I intend on making that Sunday my day to sit down and figure it all out before starting back up with MFP that Monday. I need to remember that my body is not going to change over night and that the work I am doing is a good thing and will show eventually.

* I got an email from my new gym about a free two session meeting with a trainer. I need to look into that when I get back. Hopefully I can talk to someone about nutrition (my biggest struggle right now) and maybe make a good plan on what machines to use and for how long.

Tuesday June 25th

The Good- Patrick and I made it to the gym for just over an hour tonight. My parents, who are awesome, watched Isabel so that Patrick and I could go together. It was a bit of an adjustment for me going from running outside only for the past month to working on a few different machines including the treadmill. Patrick hasn't exercised in months, so I was really impressed when he said he would go with me and so proud of him for actually working out while he was there.

The Bad- I had to buy a larger size for my shorts today. I was pretty proud of staying in size 12 jeans. I even made the decision to clean out my closet of all size 10 and 8 pants since I was getting frustrated with the fact that they don't fit. They are put away for the day that they do fit again. I needed shorts for vacation and went to try on size 12, what I assumed would fit since my pants fit well. Different brand = same size = upset Tracy in the fitting rooms. So I tried on size 14 shorts and they fit comfortably. Disappointing? Yes. Am I going to dwell on it? No. It's one of those things that it's just a number. No one else knows or cares. And I feel comfortable in them so that's what matters. Why would I want to be uncomfortable and self conscious while wearing them when I can look good and feel good?

The Positive- I made it to the gym today and have a really positive outlook about getting there for the next few days before our vacation as well as making a weekly plan to get there AT LEAST 2 days a week while continuing to workout daily.

The Workout- 1 mile run, .5 mile walk, .5 mile intervals, 5.15 mile bike, 1.39 mile elliptical, 100 squats

Thoughts for the Day
*I know I am wearing rose colored glasses and the newness will wear off eventually, but I love the gym and I am so glad that I made the spur of the moment choice to sign up yesterday. I know that this is an expense that will benefit me (and hopefully Patrick) in the long run.

*I hate watching Angel's baseball with Patrick. He is a very glass half empty person when it comes to his "team" and he has no problem cursing at them, making fun of them and getting mad at something he has absolutely no control over. Granted they are not playing to their full potential, but still! Be a fan and support them whether they win or lose. And stop saying that they're going to blow it when they are winning 14-5 in the 9th inning!

*I may have experienced a small panic attack today. I'm not proud of it, but it happened... I dropped Isabel off at a birthday party and it was the first time that I dropped her off and then left. It was more difficult than I anticipated. I drove away feeling like I was forgetting something and then had a moment where I panicked and had the following thought process "Today I'm dropping her off for a birthday party. Pretty soon she'll be starting kindergarten and then it's only a matter of time before her first sleep over. After that she'll be driving, graduating college and then she'll leave me!" Ummm.. She's 5. And she's in the phase where she only wants me. I better hold onto every moment possible before I start getting the "I hate you!" comments every real parent eventually gets. It's a right of passage to get that, but I'm so not ready for my baby to be so grown up.

*I hate doing laundry. Hate it! It was so much nicer when I had a cast on for the one and only reason that Patrick was doing all of the laundry and the tables were turned. Now it's on me and I just cannot get motivated to finish.

*I want to clean the entire apartment before leaving for vacation. That's not going to happen if I only clean half a room and then lay in bed for most of the day...

*I need to start packing. I hate packing. Even worse than packing? Unpacking.

*We bought Patrick's ticket tonight for his flight to San Francisco. I cannot begin to express how happy I am that I get to spend the 4th of July with him and that I won't have to spend 9 days without him. We're not glued at the hip or anything, but 5 days will be more than enough time apart.

*It is just after 8pm and I still need to complete my 100 squats for the day. Why did I wait all day to do this?

Monday June 24th

Since I am not tracking right now I have decided to try something different for my daily updates... Bare with me.

The Good- Patrick has officially been promoted from assistant manager to store manager. He has such an amazing work ethic that it was only a matter of time before he got the promotion that he so deserved. Thankfully the offer was more than he was anticipating and will definitely help us in the long run. Interestingly enough, I spoke with my manager this morning and she told me that she is getting the paperwork together with HR to offer me a promotion when I get back from my time off. Such great news for us financially!

The Bad- I ate fast food twice today. It was for silly reasons and shouldn't have happened. It was out of convenience and laziness and I feel like there is a brick sitting in my stomach. I should not have let this happen and am embarrassed to have been so weak twice in one day.

The Positive- I didn't want to go for my workout tonight, but ended up starting out small by walking across the street to sign up for a gym and go to the used book store with Isabel. Then after Patrick got home I went for my one mile run. Didn't get in everything planned, but considering I didn't want to do anything I think it was good to do what I did.

The Workout- 1 mile walk, 1 mile intervals, 1 mile run, 95 squats

Thoughts for the Day
*Patrick and I need to make a pro/con list about him going on our family vacation. Taking 9 days off of work right after starting at a new store is not ideal and the decision is up to him.
*Patrick and I also need to make adjustments to our budget on mint.com. Now that we are both going to be making more money we need to figure out what we can afford to put towards the rest of Patrick's debt and what we can put towards our savings accounts.
*We have a lot of savings accounts. Like a lot of them. But they all serve their purpose and it helps to see what we have in each account. Plus I like that we can "nickname" the accounts so we know what's going where and when.
*I joined a gym today. It's less than a mile from our apartment, so I will most likely walk across the street to go for my cross training (or strength training once I get comfortable using the weight lifting machines). Then again since they open at 4:30am I may end up going before work. That way I can just leave from the gym and not worry about being out running on the streets when it's still dark in the mornings. I'm excited to start incorporating other cardio as well.
*I need to start packing. Which means I need to make a list of things I need to pack. Which means I need to use the Google in order to find the best list to use to pack for our vacation.
*I'm tired, but can't seem to sleep at night. I have been waking up early to go for my run and working out and I just can't fall asleep. Very frustrating.
*Was watching Family Feud with Patrick and they asked "Name someone you wouldn't want to see at a nudest colony". There were the normal answers "Boss/Coworker" and "Parents/In-Laws". The missing answer neither family got? Fatties... I am shocked and appalled and still picking my jaw up off of the floor. Wow. Just.. Wow.

Workout Schedule

Last Weeks Workout:

Monday June 17th: Walk✔, Interval Run✔ and Streak✔, arms✔,  abs✔ (added 1 mile intervals and completed arm workout twice)

Tuesday June 18th: Walk✔, Interval Run✔ and Streak✔, 65 squats✔, arms✔, abs✔
Wednesday June 19th: Walk✔, Interval Run✔ and Streak✔, 70 squats✔, arms✔, abs✔ (added 1 mile intervals and completed both arm and ab workout twice)

Thursday June 20th: Walk✔, Interval Run✔ and Streak✔, 75 squats✔, arms✔, abs✔ (completed both arm and ab workout twice)
Friday June 21st: Walk✔, Interval Run✔ and Streak✔, 80 squats✔, arms✔, abs✔ (completed both arm and ab workout twice)

Saturday June 22th: Long Run with Streak✔, 85 squats✔, arms❌, abs❌

Sunday June 23th: Streak✔, 90 squats✔, arms❌, abs❌

 

Monday- Friday: 1 mile interval run, 1 mile run, 1 mile walk

Long Run: 3 miles intervals and 1 mile streak (total 4 miles)

I'm actually pretty impressed with myself for completing as many workouts as I did. To only have skipped arms and abs during the weekend is pretty good for me, plus I added quite a bit during the week. 

This Weeks Workout:

Monday June 24th: Walk, Interval Run and Streak, 95 squats, arms, abs

Tuesday June 25th: Walk, Interval Run and Streak, 100 squats, arms, abs
Wednesday June 26th: Walk, Interval Run and Streak, 100 squats, arms, abs

Thursday June 27th: Walk, Interval Run and Streak, 50 squats, arms, abs

Friday June 28th: Streak, 55 squats, arms, abs

Saturday June 29th: Streak, 60 squats, arms, abs

Sunday June 30th: Streak, 100 squats, arms, abs

 

Monday- Thursday: 1 mile interval run, 1 mile run, 1 mile walk

We are going on vacation this week starting Friday and I do not know how often I will have spare time to get in a workout. I plan on making the time to get in a mile every day as well as squats, abs and arms. Those three workouts can be done in the hotel and a mile run only takes me about 12 minutes. That is something I can handle while on vacation. I will feel like I'm still getting something accomplished without stressing about getting it done. If I have the extra time I will try to do more, but this is a family vacation and I really want to spend time with them. I'm not going to put too much pressure on myself though. The only two I have to do each day are the streak and squats. No pressure! Especially since we are going to be doing a lot of walking around while we're on vacation.

Since I have been pretty consistent with doing the ab and arm workout twice, I am making that the default workout. This is what I have been doing and what will be considered one set:
 

Ab workout

25 Crunches

25 Right side crunches

25 Left side crunches

10 Reverse crunches 

10 Right side leg lifts

25 Right side side crunch

10 Left side leg lifts

25 Left side side crunch

20 Donkeys each leg

25 Crunches

10 Sit ups

20 Butt raise with kick (10 each side)

10 Scissors (both sides)

10 Roll ups

10 Superman

Arm workout

10 Standing chest press

10 Kickbacks

10 Bicep curls

10 Bent over rows

10 Shoulder press

10 Front raise 

10 Lateral raise

10 Fly

20 Chest press

10 Fly

10 Lateral raise

10 Front raise

10 Shoulder raise

10 Bent over rows

10 Bicep curls

10 Kickbacks 

10 Standing chest press

Running Recap

It took me a little longer than I care to admit to get out of bed this morning. The idea of getting up early every single morning to run is not one I like to think about. So it's a simple solution.. Don't think, just do! 

If I set my workout clothes out the night before or even if I wear them to bed, I am more likely to get up after hitting snooze once or twice (or miraculously yesterday, not at all). Today I laid in bed for a whole hour before turning off the alarm and getting ready for my run. 

Patrick was up and out the door headed for work long before my alarm went off and since my parents are amazing and supportive, Isabel spent the night so that I could get in my run bright and early instead of waiting until Patrick got home tonight. I enjoyed the quiet apartment before leaving for my scheduled 4 mile run.

A little before the halfway mark I had to decide whether I was going to keep going or turn around and go home. I take this route often enough to know where certain points are, like distance markers... and dogs... 

Just before the halfway point is a house. Their backyard has two horse stalls and I have been able to pet one of the horses a couple times since it's so close to the pathway. They also have two dogs. They're small, but they're loud and I have been scared more than once when running by this house. Not enough to stop running, but enough to be aware.

Today was different though. As I approached the house I could see and hear the dogs. But instead of coming to the fence and barking at me, the smallest of the two found a spot in the fence that he could get out of. He barked, he growled, he bared his teeth and he followed me down the path.

I walked backwards, facing him the entire time, and I walked down the path so as not to upset him by running away. I yelled at him to go home. He eventually lost interest the further away I got from his home, but I have never been so frightened. I don't think I was so much frightened of the dog, I was frightened because I didn't know how to handle the situation. Time to start reading up on more safety tips!

The rest of the run was uneventful. I thankfully had my GPS watch on, so I didn't take the rest of my planned run since it would bring me by the dog three more times. I kept running, but I took a different course.

My hopes for today were to finish each of the first three miles under 14 minutes and then run the last mile to continue my streak. And... I did it!!!

So my plan is to run my future runs using 45:1 intervals. I will continue using the 45:1 intervals until we start training for LA. Since Rachel and I are training and running the race together we will be using 30:1 per her request. But all other runs will be at the higher intervals.

Total distance: 4.34

Total time: 58:12

Mile 1- 13:57

Mile 2- 13:50

Mile 3- 13:54

Mile 4 (streak)- 11:37

Mile 0.34- 4:52

Friday June 21st

Not a lot happened today that is of much interest...

I went for my run, completed the 80 squats scheduled for today, went through my arm workout twice and my ab workout twice. I think I'm doing something wrong though. I'm not sore. My thighs aren't sore, my arms aren't sore and my abs aren't sore. I'm either not doing it right or I'm not doing enough reps or not enough weight. I am consistently doing about 45 minutes of cardio followed by almost a half hour of strength training (arms, abs and squats). I know it is doing something, but I hear about people doing a workout and barely being able to lift their arms or laugh or sit. I want that soreness!

My workouts may need to get more intense in the coming weeks. Most likely after our vacation next week.

I cleaned the apartment today. And it already looks like a tornado ran through it. I call that tornado the children... But it at least looked somewhat decent for an hour or so.

And we got our new (used) couches today. They look wonderful and I am excited about the simple fact that they match. Who knew that something so simple could make me so happy. We dipped into our house savings for them, but we couldn't pass up the price for the couch/love seat set and since the couches will come with us when we eventually move into a house it was worth it.

Our small apartment is becoming more and more like home and it makes it more comfortable to call it our home and to realize that we will be here for awhile. Not ideal, but manageable and affordable and right now that's what we need.

My GPS watch died as soon as I pressed start this morning because I forgot to charge it last night. I ran the exact same course as yesterday so I knew the distance, but I don't know the times per mile. It felt slower than normal, but my body felt better at whatever speed I was at. I also made it out the door earlier than normal, which was due to the fact that Patrick had to be up early and I needed to make it back to be home with the kids.

I'm going to try to start getting up earlier and earlier each day so that my body doesn't go into complete shock when I start going back to work at the beginning of July. I would like to continue my early morning runs, which means that in order to be at work by 7:30am, I will need to get up around 5:30 to get in a 45 or so minute run, shower, get dressed and put on my makeup (something I very rarely do, but would like to get into the habit of doing). It's going to be difficult at first, but I think it's something I can easily get in the habit of doing. I mean, getting up at 7ish for the past week hasn't been easy, but it is slowly becoming a routine.

Friday June 21st:
Goal: 1540
Food: 2224
Exercise: -749
Net: 1475

Breakfast:
Whole wheat waffles, peanut butter, coffee, creamer, splenda
Calories: 327

Lunch:
Parmesan crusted chicken breast, 2 hard boiled eggs, grapes, cranberry walnut salad
Calories: 706
Dinner:
Tri Tip, Mac & Cheese, breadstick, tri-tip salad
Calories: 945

Dessert:
Golden spoon yogurt, candy cane Hershey kisses
Calories: 247

Exercise:
1 mile intervals, 1 mile run, 1 mile walk, 80 squats, arm workout x2, ab workout x2
Calories: -749

Positive: I ate a filling lunch so that I wouldn't snack throughout the day before going to dinner with my parents and my in-laws. It was healthy, nutritious and delicious!

Thursday June 20th

I started today the same way I have for about a week, by pressing snooze and having an internal debate about whether or not I should get up and go for my run. And like every morning for about a week I ended up getting up and going.

My calf was cramping up a lot today so I took it nice and easy and didn't worry about how long it would take me. Funny thing is, my interval mile was under 14 minutes. 

Today also marks the 25th day in a row that I have gone out and run. Such a difference in myself. Maybe not as much physically as I'd like, but more so mentally. 

Isabel and I joined my parents at the weekly farmer's market. We still haven't bought any fresh fruits or veggies, but we are greatly enjoying our plants on the patio. It makes it such a nice place to sit in the morning with a cup of coffee or in the evenings with a book.

Tonight we celebrated my sister's mother-in-laws birthday, enjoying sushi for dinner. We are a very lucky family.. My sister and I not only picked wonderful men to marry, but their families are wonderful as well. Not many people like to spend time with their in-laws, but we do and often times we all get together for special occasions. 

I tried out a new skirt tonight. I of course didn't think it looked very good (making my rear side look bigger than it is) but I flaunted it and am using the classic saying " fake it til you make it!" 

Dinner was amazing. If for nothing other than the fact that I LOVE SUSHI! But there were many other reasons to having such a wonderful dinner with such amazing people.

 

The most amazing of them being my mom, who went with me to get my tattoo tonight. I decided to get it now so that there will be enough time between now and when I decide on a surrogate agency. I really do want to be in a healthy weight range before I commit to this and I know that being in a healthy weight range is still another 20 pounds away. If I'm going to do it the healthy weight, then it's going to take awhile.

 

So I chose to do this for me. To celebrate my past running accomplishments and my future running goals. Running is such a huge part of my life and will forever be a time that I want to remember. I am finally allowing myself to be proud of what I have done. And it is to forever be a part of who I am.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My menu sucked today. Like really sucked, even though I had 59 calories left over for the day. I got bored and when I get bored I eat. And so I ate, and ate and ate. I hope I learn better eating habits one day.

 

Thursday June 20th:
Goal: 1540
Food: 2278
Exercise: -797
Net: 1481

Breakfast:
Flips Greek yogurt
Calories: 160

Lunch:
Frozen pizza
Calories: 388

Snack:Dreyer's fruit bar, triscuit, cookies, kettle corn, captain crunch, gushers
Calories: 1230

Dinner:
Sushi- rainbow roll, eel sushi
Calories: 500

Exercise:
1 mile intervals, 1 mile run, 1 mile walk, 75 squats, arm workout x2, ab workout x2
Calories: -797

Positive: I am taking pride in my running accomplishments instead of passing them off like they are nothing. I'm not going to walk around telling everyone, but it's about time I actually realize that I have done something that's pretty cool and something that not a lot of people have done.

 

Wednesday June 19th

I wasn't quite sure what to do with the 1,056 calories I burned this morning. I wasn't really too hungry today so I have decided to hold onto some of them for tomorrow since we are going out to dinner. I'm not sure how I will feel seeing the difference in calories go from 600+ over one day and probably a few hundred in the red tomorrow. But I just need to remember that it is all working itself out in the end.

In shopping news I found a new shirt. It was at a store that I normally don't shop at because the clothes are geared towards a younger crowd, but I did find one shirt that I was drawn towards and I just had to buy it. "Do things with passion or not at all."

 

And I think I finally decided on the tattoo I want to get. Just not sure when. I originally wanted to get "twenty 6 point 2" but I recently saw 26.2 in roman numerals and I really liked the way it looks. I am thinking of the following location and font. "xxvi.ii"

 

And the streak continues. I love coming home from my run to update my mirror. 24 days straight. I am a rockstar and I'm starting to believe it. And Patrick's Woot Woot is great encouragement because I know he will see the updates every day too.

 

Wednesday June 19th:
Goal: 1540
Food: 1990
Exercise: -1056
Net: 934

Breakfast:
Whole wheat waffles, peanut butter, banana, 1/2 cup grapes, coffee, creamer, splenda
Calories: 494

Snack:
2 sugar free caramel apple werther's

Calories: 16

Lunch:
Egg salad sandwich, potato chips, lemon bar
Calories: 640

Dinner:
 Chicken nachos, chips & salsa
Calories: 840

Exercise:
1 mile intervals, 1 mile run, 1 mile walk, 1 mile intervals, 70 squats, arm workout x2, ab workout x2
Calories: -1056

Positive: I wore my HRM for the first time in months and am going to make it a habit to accurately track my calories burned instead of guesstimating.  

Tuesday June 18th

After canceling last Thursday I requested to reschedule with my therapist. Today was her first available appointment and I was so ready for it.

I was able to read my "F" You letter, which was much needed. It felt great to read it and know that I'm done with it. And I have a feeling that at some point soon it will be burned, or torn apart, or some other sentimental ending to that chapter of my life. I still plan on talking to her about certain aspects and healing from things, but I got to get in my say, open up old wounds and actually feel some feelings about what happened. It was necessary and I'm glad I did it.

Tonight we talked again about my body issues and especially my issues with the scale. She suggested I weigh in once a month instead of weekly and I am giving it a lot of thought. It might be something I need in order to learn how to be happy with my body the way it is and not base my happiness on a number. I'm going to think about it and I'll probably make a decision soon.

I woke up early again and got in my 3 mile run, squats, arm workout and ab workout. It felt amazing! I am really excited to have started this early morning workouts. It makes my day seem so much longer and it makes me excited when I get to the end of the day and I realize that I don't have to worry about going out later to get in my run.

I'm not going to lie. This running streak has really made a difference in my self esteem and having my streak written out on my mirror is my way of rooting for myself. I see it everyday and it's my way of showing off. I am proud of this streak and I am excited to keep it going. It's a goal that I've made that I can only see myself succeeding at.

Sunday June 16th:
Goal: 1540
Food: 1769
Exercise: -327
Net: 1442

Breakfast:
Panera asiago bagel with egg, cheese and bacon
Calories: 610

Lunch:
1/2 kids cheese pizza
Calories: 299

Snack:
Lemon fruit popsicle, 2 hard boiled eggs, popcorn
Calories: 330

Dinner:
Chicken taquitos, cranberry walnut salad
Calories: 430

Dessert:
Golden spoon salted caramel frozen yogurt
Calories: 100

Exercise:
1 mile intervals, 1 mile run, 1 mile walk, 65 squats, arm workout, ab workout
Calories: -327

Positive: I am allowing myself to be proud of my running accomplishments as well as putting it out there to brag about.  

Monday June 17th

The most logical thing to do after an upsetting weigh in is to workout, which I did. 4.26 miles to be exact. And then an arm workout and an ab workout.

The next logical thing is to eat like a mad woman.

Oh wait! That's not logical.

But it is what I did. I ended the day with 134 calories left for the day, but with what I ate it ended up not being a good day. And that is, I think, the most frustrating thing about the day. Yes I gained and it was upsetting, but I had two choices 1) Move on and do something positive or 2) Be destructive to my body, in a way punishing myself for what the scale said.

I did both, but instead of focusing on the fact that I did my workout this morning, or that I ended the day with calories left over, I have been obsessing over my menu for the day. I can't go back and change it now. I can only try to remember how I feel right now and avoid doing it again.

I can also focus on the positives. Like how I had a scheduled workout, which I completed and then some. Or that I could have eaten even worse than I did. Or that tomorrow is another day.

Sunday June 16th:
Goal: 1540
Food: 1832
Exercise: -426
Net: 1406

Breakfast:
Whole wheat waffles, peanut butter, banana, coffee, creamer, splenda
Calories: 432

Snack:
Apple
Calories: 80

Lunch:
Fat free tuna salad kit, garden veggie chips
Calories: 1060

Snack:
2 hard boiled eggs, popcorn
Calories: 260

Exercise:
1 mile intervals, 1 mile run, .5 mile walk, 1 mile intervals, .5 mile walk, arm workout x2, ab workout
Calories: -425

Positive: I ended up binging on veggie chips. I have to look at this in a positive way because it could have been a lot worse. A lot worse...

Weigh In & 7 Positives

Last weeks weight: 182.0

This weeks weight: 184.4

 

+/-: +2.4

Total +/-: 0

Thoughts: I feel like a complete failure. I am not in a positive place right now about what just happened and am beating myself up mentally for it. I felt like I did well this week, staying under my calorie goal every day except yesterday. I am hoping that this gain is a false gain due to last night, but that's wishful thinking.

I just don't understand why this weight loss thing is so difficult this time around. I am working out, I'm eating better, I'm feeling better. So why isn't the scale reflecting that?! 

I was expecting a gain this morning. I really was. And I was hoping to react like a mature adult about it. To know that the scale doesn't matter, it's just a number, blah blah blah. But it's not just a number. It's a way to measure progress. And my progress is at a whopping zero. 

If I'm being totally honest here.. I'm pissed off. Not at the scale, but at myself. It should not be this difficult to lose weight. I looked at myself in the mirror and said "Are you effing kidding me. You are a worthless piece of $h!t.." Yeah, not proud of that, but it's what came out. 

Back at it this week. I mean, that's the only option I have. I'm coming back with a vengeance this week and I'm going to do everything I can to see a loss.

After typing this I went out and completed my scheduled workout. I even went an extra mile and did an extra set of my arm workout. It doesn't completely change my thoughts and opinions about this morning, but it does help some.

I also turned to the Weight Watcher's message boards for a boost as well. I think the best advice I got there was to think of all of the things my body has done. Like have a baby and complete 3 marathons. I have run daily for over 3 weeks in a row. I wore a bathing suit and felt somewhat comfortable in it yesterday. I have successfully completed 10 days of the squat challenge. All of that is still there no matter what the scale says. Another poster suggested I write positive messages on the mirror, so I did...

When I get more comfortable in my body I will write more positive physical affirmations (you are beautiful, etc). For now seeing this daily will help. It will be my reminder that this change is so much more than just weight related.

I decided to work on my self appreciation by writing one positive about myself a day. It makes me think of the good things at the end of each day and then I can see the list at the end of the week to boost my self-esteem.

 

I chose to list them with my weigh in because I know that there will be times that the weigh-in does not go the way I had hoped. I would like to say honestly that the number won't affect me, but it does, so listing my positives will make me focus on that instead of what the scale says. 

 

Positives:

1. I stuck with my scheduled workout and even added distance to my run/walk.

2. I finished my "F you" letter assigned by my therapist. It wasn't very easy to get through and I know I could have gone into more detail about certain things, but I feel like it's a good F you letter and I can't wait to share it on Thursday with my therapist.  

3. I am loving how my legs are looking. My calves and shins are getting some definition and I love seeing my hard work pay off. 

4. I stayed off of the scale today and didn't obsess about what it says.

5. I finally made it grocery shopping and we once again have fresh fruits and veggies in the house (as well as a lot of other healthier foods).

6. I made some decent choices for today considering there weren't many healthy options. I never felt too full or too hungry. I felt satisfied throughout the day.

7. I ended the week 258 net calories under goal. I think this is great progress after ending last week in the red by 246 calories. No matter what the scale says, I am making huge changes and I feel good, which is so much more important than a number.

Working Out

I feel good about my workouts from last week. I don't feel like I over did it and I wasn't upset when I gave myself a bit of a break on Thursday. My body just needed a rest, so I allowed it to rest while still getting in a small workout and continuing my running streak. There are going to be days when 1 mile is all I can do. At the same time, it's a mile and I know I can fit it into my schedule no matter what, well not no matter what, but short of an injury I will continue this streak.

So first an update on what workouts I completed this past week.

Last Weeks Workout:

Monday June 10th: Walk✔, Interval Run✔ and Streak✔, 30 squats✔, arms✔ (added .5 mile walk, .5 mile intervals)

Tuesday June 11th: Walk✔, Interval Run✔ and Streak✔, 35 squats✔, abs✔ (added 2 mile intervals)
Wednesday June 12th: Walk✔, Interval Run✔ and Streak✔, 40 squats✔, arms✔

Thursday June 13th: Walk❌, Interval Run❌ and Streak✔, 45 squats✔, abs✔

Friday June 14th: Walk✔, Interval Run✔ and Streak✔, 50 squats✔, arms✔ (added abs and 1 mile walk)

Saturday June 15th: Long Run with Streak✔, 55 squats✔

Sunday June 16th: Streak✔, 60 squats✔

 

Monday- Friday and Sunday: 1 mile interval run, 1 mile run, 1 mile walk

Long Run: 3 miles




I felt like my workout for the past week was manageable and didn't take up too much time. I feel like with what I'm doing with my arms and abs is doable to do daily without over doing it. There are days when I know I could do more, so I run through the workout twice. Other days I'm in a hurry and get through it once. No matter what, I'm doing something and for me that's better than nothing.

I know that pretty soon I'm going to need to up my workouts. I'm pretty much doing the bare minimum right now. I would really like to start up on the workout DVDs because those are the real calorie burners for me and I definitely see a difference in my body after Jillian Michael's is done with me. I'm still worried about my wrist though and since I haven't started physical therapy yet I am a little worried to start doing too much too soon. I'm thinking after our family vacation I will start incorporating them more often.

But for now I have the following workouts scheduled and I'm happy with it.

This Weeks Workout:

Monday June 17th: Walk, Interval Run and Streak, arms, abs

Tuesday June 18th: Walk, Interval Run and Streak, 65 squats, arms, abs
Wednesday June 19th: Walk, Interval Run and Streak, 70 squats, arms, abs

Thursday June 20th: Walk, Interval Run and Streak, 75 squats, arms, abs

Friday June 21st: Walk, Interval Run and Streak, 80 squats, arms, abs

Saturday June 22nd: Long Run with Streak, 85 squats, arms, abs

Sunday June 23rd: Streak, 90 squats, arms, abs

 

Monday- Friday and Sunday: 1 mile interval run, 1 mile run, 1 mile walk

Long Run: 3 miles intervals and 1 mile streak (total 4 miles)


I think all of this working out is the perfect excuse to go out and buy some more workout clothes. I am going through a lot of workout clothes each week and although I could just do laundry more often I am a girl and I love to shop!

Sunday June 16th

Father's Day is an interesting day emotion-wise for me.

I have an amazing father who has always supported me in good times and bad. Due to his job as a firefighter, he wasn't always there so my sister and I relied a lot on our mom for emotional support, but he was there if needed and his love was something I never doubted was there. I cherished our one-on-one time no matter how few and far between it was. I knew that as long as I tried my best then there was nothing I could do wrong in his eyes.

A few years ago, my dad almost died while in surgery. His heart stopped and they had to shock his heart and perform CPR to bring him back. And then he almost died again a few weeks later with a blood infection and pneumonia.

That was a very difficult time in my life, and if I'm being honest, I don't think I've ever dealt properly with his near death experience...

I can't say that I don't take him for granted since this incident, but I do know that I tell him that I love him more often and I do take the time to spend more time with him.

Another reason that today is interesting for me is because of Isabel. All I want to say about that is, any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad. I couldn't have asked for a better dad for Isabel and I am so glad that Patrick is in our lives. His love and support through some of the most trying times in my life has been greatly appreciated. Watching Patrick with the kids is an amazing sight and I can only hope that these children all grow up realizing what an amazing man they have in their lives.

We celebrated Father's Day the only way we know how... With food! Delicious food. Which of course means that I couldn't control myself and went back for seconds. Tri-tip, homemade mac and cheese, corn bread... Mmmmmm. It was all sooooo yummy!

 

And of course I wouldn't be me if I didn't feel guilty about going back for more. But like I mentioned yesterday, this is just one week on this long journey and if I gain tomorrow then I gain. I need to remember that when I'm on the scale, and I'm not sure if I'll feel this positive about it all then.

 

I did indulge in half a cupcake because I had to know how they tasted.. I believe they turned out really well and I got a lot of compliments on them. I have a sneaky suspicion that the candy in the middle cupcakes will be making another appearance soon! Possibly with Rolo's next time.

 

 

It did take a bit of a push to get myself out the door tonight for my 1 mile run. But I knew that I had to do it because today marks the 3 week mark. And I ran right past the halfway mark in this Runner's World Running Streak two days ago without even realizing it. I can see the end in sight, but again I think I might have to run right past it and just make it a habit of going daily. I should have just gone for the run this morning after finishing day 9 of my squat challenge, but I started baking instead and, well the rest is just excuses.

Sunday June 16th:
Goal: 1540
Food: 1843
Exercise: -118
Net: 1725

Breakfast:
Whole wheat waffles, peanut butter, banana
Calories: 360

Lunch:
Apple blue pecan salad, buffalo chicken breast bites
Calories: 483

Dinner:
Quick Add Calories
Calories: 1000

Exercise:
1 mile run, squats
Calories: -118

Positive: I ended the week 258 net calories under goal. I think this is great progress after ending last week in the red by 246 calories. No matter what the scale says, I am making huge changes and I feel good, which is so much more important than a number.

Saturday June 15th

Before I went for my run this morning I stepped on the scale and peeked. I was doing so well staying off of the scale, but for some reason I just couldn't resist this morning. The results?

I was up 0.8 from last week.

And after eating sushi last night (which includes soy sauce) I have no doubt that the sodium is a culprit in the scales increase.

I've eaten well this week. I've exercised. I've lived my life. And I'm okay with that gain. Then again, that's not the final number for this week so there's still hope that I can bring it back down. It all depends on tomorrow...

You see, tomorrow is Father's Day and that means dinner with the family. There will be lots of food and I may need to use a few calories on the S'mores cupcakes I am making tomorrow. But in the grand scheme of things, this is just one week out of the year. And if I do gain this week then I gain. It's not the end of the world and it's not the end of my journey.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Because the number on the scale today does not mean a thing.

Today was a busy day. It started bright and early with my 3.24 mile run. Then I walked 1.14 miles to my sister's mother-in-laws house to be picked up by my mom to go the catch the train to the bee farm. When we got back we made our way to the park near our apartment to see the Spazmatics (an 80's cover band) at the free concert in the park.

It's been a long day and I'm exhausted... Enjoy some visuals from today.

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday June 15th:
Goal: 1540
Food: 1933
Exercise: -440
Net: 1493

Breakfast:
Whole wheat waffles, peanut butter, banana, coffee, creamer, splenda
Calories: 432

Lunch:
100 calorie pringles, payday
Calories: 340

Snack:
Honey mustard & onion pretzels
Calories: 140

Dinner:
Baja fresh- fish tacos, rice, beans, chips, queso, vodka soda
Calories: 1021

Exercise:
 2 mile intervals, 1 mile run, squats
Calories: -440

Positive: I made some decent choices for today considering there weren't many healthy options. I never felt too full or too hungry. I felt satisfied throughout the day.

Saturday Morning Running Recap

It's been a few weeks since I have stuck with my scheduled long run. I know that in order for me to improve my running then I need to actually go for my run.

Today was an easy 3 mile run, 2 miles using intervals and a 1 mile run to continue the streak.

I felt tired just setting my alarm last night for 6:30, already dreading the early morning annoyance of that dreaded beeping sound. But, after pressing the snooze button twice, it wasn't that difficult to get myself up out of bed and dressed for my run. I kept telling myself that I would feel great when I got back, I just had to get myself out the door first.

The first two miles felt faster than they actually were. I didn't experience too much pain like I normally do the first few miles, so I was a little disappointed when the time showed up as 13:59 for mile one and 14:04 for mile two. My goal was to run both miles under 14 minutes because I wanted to increase my time on the running interval to 45 seconds, but I wanted to earn it.

That's not to say that I can't just up the time, but I think I'm going to keep it at 30:1 intervals until I can successfully run two miles using intervals under 14 minutes each. This could be tomorrow, sometime next week or on my long run next Saturday. Who knows! All I do know is that I am really loving my me time out there running and I am excited to keep up with my schedule.

I can definitely tell a difference in my legs. They are getting stronger and I am really excited to see the difference physically. I missed these runners legs the last few months and I am proud of what I've been doing to get them back to where they were and then some.

I really do miss being able to run 11-13 minute miles consistently. I know this is slow to some people, but it was fast for me and I can't wait to work my way back to that. I know that when I do up my running interval time I will be running faster miles just based on the fact that I'll be running farther per mile than I am now. I need to learn patience...

Mile 1- 13:59
Mile 2- 14:04
Mile 3- 11:13
Mile 0.24- 3:15

Total distance: 3.24 miles
Total time: 42:48

Today's run brings my Dopey Challenge Savings to a total of $63.52, which I think is pretty awesome since I've only been at this for a little less than a month.

I started thinking about the Dopey Challenge while out there today and was getting excited thinking about making a training schedule. There are going to be a lot of miles happening next year and I am really excited for the physical and mental challenge. I know it's crazy to start thinking about already since it's a year and a half away, but this is my purpose for running right now and I can only hope that I get a chance to run it.