It has been exactly one month since I have stepped on a scale.
I haven't really thought much about it and for some reason decided to look back to when I wrote my post regarding getting rid of the scale. It was on August 10th and I had weighed myself the day before. It was the last time I stepped on a scale and I have not looked back since.
I know that this way of thinking is not recommended for everyone, and I am in no way suggesting that other people do what I did, but I cannot believe the transformation I have made internally in such a short amount of time.
I decided to get rid of the scale because it was literally taking over my life. I had talked about it in therapy but was not finding what I needed in regards to figuring out why it was such a huge factor in measuring success. I cannot recall a time in my childhood that I was overweight or that weight was an issue. I was the smallest in my family weight wise and never thought anything of it. It wasn't until I was older that I started to really hear my mom talk negatively about herself. There are a few moments that I could pinpoint, but nothing drastic that should send me into a tailspin of self hatred.
But I was heading towards rock bottom in regards to the negativity I spoke about myself. I would say something awful in my head and then believe it until I spoke it aloud. Then I would hate myself even more. Poor Patrick had to deal with my waves of emotions when it came to my body and self image and was constantly trying to pick me up while I overtook his efforts and tore myself back down.
What's worse is that I said these things in front of Isabel. My worst fear as a parent is that my daughter will grow up with these negative body images. I know that it will more than likely happen, but I'm supposed to be the one to protect her, not teach her these behaviors.
When I realized that it was the scale that brought me down more than anything I decided to quit using it as a tool to measure success. It's not the only way to see the progress you are making and yet I was allowing that number to be the end all be all.
It was draining thinking about weighing in. It was draining feeling so great one minute and then so down the next all because there wasn't progress or it wasn't enough or worst of all I had gained. There were way too many factors that were affecting the scale and it was just, well, overwhelming.
I couldn't continue to justify gains. I had worked out and done strength training, gain. I had a lot of sodium, gain. It was that time of the month, gain. It was a full moon, gain. I just got out of the shower and my hair is wet, gain. The scale is not positioned in the correct location, gain.
Mind games.
In this past month I have used measurements as a way to track changes in my body. This past month I gained an inch in my waist, stayed the same in my hips and ended up losing in my arms, thighs and bust. I didn't spiral out of control when I saw that I had gained an inch. It was an amazing change to how I would have reacted weekly (or multiple times a week depending on how often I stepped on the scale) when I weighed in.
I asked Patrick the other night if he could tell a difference in my attitude towards myself and he said yes, with excitement. I feel as though he no longer has to pick me up when I hit the bottom. He no longer has to pry the food from my hands when I go overboard. He no longer has to constantly compliment me in order to keep my spirits up and the voices in my head at bay (although the compliments don't have to stop.. Hint Hint).
I did also ask him if he could tell a difference in my body. I didn't really want to ask the question because in all honesty he sees me every day and most likely will not notice a small difference the way I would, but alas my old habit did sneak back in. I didn't really get the answer I had hoped for. But I didn't freak out. I didn't try to justify his answer and point out the changes I could see until he agreed with me. Instead I took his answer for what it was, the truth of what he could see.
I can see a difference in my body. I am appreciating it more. I am looking at it from a whole different perspective. I am enjoying what I'm eating. I am enjoying what I'm wearing. I am enjoying working out. I am enjoying the changes that are occurring. I am enjoying the freedom that I have right now. I am not stressed about food. I am not stressed about weight. I am not stressed about calories or points. I am just feeling genuinely happy.
I am going to believe that these changes are because I no longer own a scale. That is the only thing that has changed. I no longer track my food because it was getting too complicated trying to find the balance of how many calories to eat back. I find that if I eat when I am hungry and eat the healthiest choices I can while still enjoying the unhealthy foods every once in a while then I don't feel deprived and actually find that my body is improving.
I don't know what I way and I don't have any desire to. I'm going to keep running, keep eating well, keep strength training and keep losing inches. Some months will be better than others. Some days will be awesome some won't. As long as I keep trying and keep improving health wise and as a person over all then I feel like I am doing something right.
I just feel like I'm exactly where I need to be. I'm not stressing and I am enjoying life. And my body freaking rocks!!
Showing posts with label Progress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Progress. Show all posts
Monday, September 9, 2013
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Running Recap
I am in love...
My new GPS watch is AMAZING! I was pretty disappointed when my watch died and decided pretty quickly on a new one. These decisions normally take me weeks, if not months, so to be so happy with a decision that took me only a couple hours is pretty awesome.
I've used it for every walk and run since getting it on Friday and it is so cool.
I really like that something so small has 1. Already paid for itself and 2. Pushes me to go out even when I don't want to.
The weather has pretty much sucked all week long. I usually get to work around 7am on the mornings when I do not take Isabel to school and it's already 75 or higher. There have been multiple days this week where the weather has gone over 100 degrees.
Fall... Where are you?
I really am trying to not let the weather be a factor into whether or not I get my run in for the day. I know my limits (or at least I think I do, whether I listen is another factor completely).
Tuesday was my first run for the week and I told myself to go slower than normal because of the heat and the course. I ended up faster than any run I've recently run.
Distance: 2.14mi
Time: 25:05
Avg Pace: 11:42
Elevation Gain: 369ft
Mile 1- 11:45
Mile 2- 11:22
Mile 0.14- 1:56
Temperature: 81*, 66% humidity
I didn't feel like I was going that fast while I was running, but I could feel it when I finished. The first mile was a lot faster than I had planned and since it was mostly uphill I pushed myself the second mile in order to be faster than the first.
I ran again on Thursday. It was another hot day so I decided to wait until after dinner to let it cool down a little. Not the smartest decision I've ever made. In fact, I think running after dinner was worse than the heat. But I made it and I was definitely riding the endorphin high afterwards.
Distance: 2.63mi
Time: 32:27
Avg Pace: 12:19
Elevation Gain: 369ft
Mile 1- 12:27
Mile 2- 12:05
Mile 0.63- 7:54
Temperature: 82*, 55% humidity
Saturday's run was a scheduled 4 mile run and I was really looking forward to it. Since Patrick had to work I ran around my parents neighborhood while they watched Isabel. Their neighborhood = hills. Rachel decided to pass up running with me this weekend because of the hills and Lorien was going to go be fitted for proper shoes today since she has been having shin problems.
I stuck with my 1:1 intervals and although it was tough getting through the first two miles since it was mostly uphill I made it through and getting to the top was amazing. I felt so good that the last two miles flew by. That could also be because it was mostly downhill...
I'm thinking of increasing my intervals to 1:15:1 next week, so we'll see how that works out. I am really into watching myself improve and I am happy that I am pushing myself to go farther and faster and longer rather than just stick to what I'm comfortable doing.
Distance: 4.22mi
Time: 53.31
Avg Pace: 12:41
Elevation Gain: 366ft
Mile 1- 13:14
Mile 2- 13:09
Mile 3- 12:17
Mile 4- 11:56
Mile 0.22- 2:53
Temperature: 68*, 94% humidity
Pictures while on my run 9/7
My new GPS watch is AMAZING! I was pretty disappointed when my watch died and decided pretty quickly on a new one. These decisions normally take me weeks, if not months, so to be so happy with a decision that took me only a couple hours is pretty awesome.
I've used it for every walk and run since getting it on Friday and it is so cool.
I really like that something so small has 1. Already paid for itself and 2. Pushes me to go out even when I don't want to.
The weather has pretty much sucked all week long. I usually get to work around 7am on the mornings when I do not take Isabel to school and it's already 75 or higher. There have been multiple days this week where the weather has gone over 100 degrees.
Fall... Where are you?
I really am trying to not let the weather be a factor into whether or not I get my run in for the day. I know my limits (or at least I think I do, whether I listen is another factor completely).
Tuesday was my first run for the week and I told myself to go slower than normal because of the heat and the course. I ended up faster than any run I've recently run.
Distance: 2.14mi
Time: 25:05
Avg Pace: 11:42
Elevation Gain: 369ft
Mile 1- 11:45
Mile 2- 11:22
Mile 0.14- 1:56
Temperature: 81*, 66% humidity
I didn't feel like I was going that fast while I was running, but I could feel it when I finished. The first mile was a lot faster than I had planned and since it was mostly uphill I pushed myself the second mile in order to be faster than the first.
I ran again on Thursday. It was another hot day so I decided to wait until after dinner to let it cool down a little. Not the smartest decision I've ever made. In fact, I think running after dinner was worse than the heat. But I made it and I was definitely riding the endorphin high afterwards.
Distance: 2.63mi
Time: 32:27
Avg Pace: 12:19
Elevation Gain: 369ft
Mile 1- 12:27
Mile 2- 12:05
Mile 0.63- 7:54
Temperature: 82*, 55% humidity
Saturday's run was a scheduled 4 mile run and I was really looking forward to it. Since Patrick had to work I ran around my parents neighborhood while they watched Isabel. Their neighborhood = hills. Rachel decided to pass up running with me this weekend because of the hills and Lorien was going to go be fitted for proper shoes today since she has been having shin problems.
I stuck with my 1:1 intervals and although it was tough getting through the first two miles since it was mostly uphill I made it through and getting to the top was amazing. I felt so good that the last two miles flew by. That could also be because it was mostly downhill...
I'm thinking of increasing my intervals to 1:15:1 next week, so we'll see how that works out. I am really into watching myself improve and I am happy that I am pushing myself to go farther and faster and longer rather than just stick to what I'm comfortable doing.
Distance: 4.22mi
Time: 53.31
Avg Pace: 12:41
Elevation Gain: 366ft
Mile 1- 13:14
Mile 2- 13:09
Mile 3- 12:17
Mile 4- 11:56
Mile 0.22- 2:53
Temperature: 68*, 94% humidity
Pictures while on my run 9/7
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Currently
Reading: I am reading House Rules by Jodi Picoult. Although her books tend to be about difficult topics (such as suicide, cancer, school shootings, etc) there is something about them that draws me in. I have read a few of her books so far and hope to finishih reading all of them (I just have to finish my collection) because they are so well written. I have yet to be disappointed and I really do think she is my favorite author. This book so far has grabbed my attention from the very first page. I have enjoyed reading before bed, on the patio with a glass of wine and I definitely enjoy reading it while on the stationary bike at the gym.
Watching: Patrick and I just finished watching the second season of Sherlock (the BBC version). I've seen all of the episodes before, but he had only watched the first episode with me. I finally talked him into watching the last two episodes. And now we do the waiting game before the next season premieres sometime in 2014. This is one of my all time favorite television shows, so it's difficult to accept that the seasons are only three episodes each and that it takes a year or two between seasons. In the meantime I will have to try to find something to hold my attention. Maybe I'll continue watching How I Met Your Mother on DVD or even finish up the last few seasons I have on DVD for Grey's Anatomy. I'm not a huge fan of most things on TV right now and it takes me quite a while to start something new, including a new movie, so it might just be the same old things for now.
Anticipating: Patrick and I will be going to two concerts this month. The first is tomorrow in Santa Barbara. Patrick bought tickets for us to go see Jason Mraz for my birthday in March. He is one of my favorite artists and the gift was greatly appreciated (even if I had to wait almost 6 months to enjoy it). I know that this is not really his type of music, so the fact that he is willing to go spend the day with me listening to it is pretty amazing if you ask me. To return the favor (and because no one else was able to go with him), I bought Patrick tickets for us to go see Iron Maiden and Megadeth on September 13th. This is his type of music and definitely not mine, so it's a pretty even trade off. I told him my number one rule was that I would not partake in any mosh pits and that I may require earplugs and a lot of alcohol. I just felt so bad when his brother said he couldn't go. I know this is something he's been looking forward to since he found out they were going to be in concert nearby.
Planning: Patrick and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary next month. I absolutely cannot believe that it has been a year already and I think that, even though we've had a few hiccups along the way, we are more in love now then we were a year ago. I truly believe that our wedding was perfect and there is nothing that I would have done differently. Not one thing. We have briefly discussed what we would like to do for the weekend of our anniversary, but we are on a tight budget because we are saving to buy a house so most likely we will end up going to a nice dinner and a cheap movie. Nothing too big and fancy, but then again that's not the type of people we are. I did suggest staying in a hotel for the night of our anniversary, but even that seems a little unnecessary. We'll see though. Maybe we'll find a good deal this month for something close by that we can enjoy together.
Working on: My new craft project. I have really been enjoying putting together medal and bib holders and am seriously thinking about trying to sell them at a local craft show close to Christmas. It will probably have to wait until next year so that I can figure out the best technique to use for the best results and so that I can make quite a few to sell. I am really interested in some extra income for our household and I really enjoy crafting. I briefly thought about making and selling scarves, but to be honest I see a bigger market for these signs because I have never seen them at any of the craft fairs or holidy shows around here. I think they would make great gifts for the runners in people's lives and I am actually planning on making them for my best friend, my sister and my niece for Christmas this year. I think that the DIY gifts are going to be big for us this year because of our tight budget, but sometimes those homemade gifts are the best kind.
Wishing: That Patrick and I could catch a break. I know that what we're doing is the right way and we will end up appreciating it more because we worked so damn hard to get what we want, but sometimes it's difficult to watch our friends and family get things handed to them. I really do understand that things happen for a reason and I know that one day we will have our dream home and a new car but it's not meant to be right now.
Measurements
Arm (L):
Last month: 12.75"
This month: 12.5"
Difference: -.25"
Thigh (L):
Last month: 26.75"
This month: 26.25"
Difference: -.5"
Last month: 26.75"
This month: 26.25"
Difference: -.5"
Bust:
Last month: 40.5"
This month: 40"
Difference: -.5"
Waist:
Last month: 35"
This month: 36"
Difference: +1"
Hips:
Last month: 44.5"
This month: 44.5"
Difference: 0
Progress Pictures:
Last month:
This month:
Net Worth:
Last month: (as of 8/1/13)- $20,593.46
This month: (as of 8/31/13)- $20,187.87
Difference: -405.59
This month was kind of weird for us regarding net worth. While I was out of work with my wrist I had to write a check every two weeks for my health insurance. They just deposited all six checks this month. Although the money was in the account, it made the net worth take a hit doing it all at once. There was also the fact that the child support Patrick pays normally gets taken directly out of his paycheck but recently has not been. He had to pay for all of July and half of August this month. Another hit. There was also my car maintenance. Hit! And I signed Isabel up for swim lessons.. Hit..
You've sunk my battleship.
These are not normal things that happen monthly, so I feel as though we're doing well even if our net worth doesn't show it. We had the money for these things and didn't stress about them. That's a huge success in my opinion. We were able to transfer money to all of our savings and we currently have money left over from our last paycheck. Enough to not stress and probably transfer some extra over to our house savings again. I feel good about things financially, even if we're still on the uphill climb to get where we want to be.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Running Recap
My first run this week was on Tuesday. After taking the weekend off I was kind of jonesing to get out for a run early in the week, but I'm also trying to incorporate strength training and I don't want to fall back into my habit of all or nothing.
It's not ideal for this week as I would prefer to do M/W/F Gym and Strength training and T/Th/Sa Running, but sometimes you have to adjust for life. This week was back to school night (on Wednesday) and Patrick had to be at work early both Wednesday and Friday which means I take Isabel to school and can't go to the gym in the morning.
Unfortunately the weather has been full on summer and it is not very comfortable. I know my limits and I know that I am capable of running in 90 degree heat as long as I stay hydrated. Tuesday I made sure to drink as much water as possible throughout the day because I knew that it was going to be hot when I got off of work and was able to go for my run.
I used to be able to skip a run based on a number of excuses, but my main excuse was blaming the weather. Too hot, too cold, too wet, etc. It really didn't matter what was going on. If I didn't want to run, then I didn't and I could justify it left and right.
Tuesday I told myself as I was driving home that if it was over 90 degrees when I got to my parents then I wouldn't run. But if it was anything under 90 degrees then I would. I was hydrated and I needed to get my run in. As I got off of the freeway it was 91 degrees and I told myself to just go and get it over with.
Yes it was hot. Yes it was uncomfortable. Yes I was dripping with sweat when I was done. And yes I loved every minute of it. I did not regret going and even though I told myself I could go at a snail's pace I ended up sticking with my normal pace and even finished one of the miles under 12 minutes.
Pride..
I had another run scheduled for Thursday, however by the time I got ready to head home it was still 100 degrees and even I know better than to push myself in that. I would much rather take the day off of running than push myself too hard in that heat. That plus my GPS watch breaking was more than enough to exhaust me.
My long run this week was a scheduled 3 mile run with Rachel and Lorien. This was Lorien's longest distance run so far. Rachel has been walking and hiking lately to stay active, but this run was her first in a while. We decided on 30:1 intervals.
I decided to run to Rachel's house (about a mile) at 1:1, run with them for 3 at 30:1 and then run home at 1:1. It was a great run and I felt good the entire time. It was hot and humid out, so that didn't help much, but it's good to run even if the weather is not ideal because you never know what race day is going to bring and you want to be prepared for anything.
I was also able to use my new GPS watch for the first time. I ordered it Thursday after mine died. I decided that it was a purchase that needed to be made sooner rather than later as training has already begun and will be going on for a long while. I bought the Garmin 110.
Today was my first time using it since I had to charge it all night last night. So far I really like it and I love the features it has online. I posted a link to my workout for today and I like that feature a lot. It shows elevation and what the weather was like for my run, my pace and my mile times. It's pretty cool.
Untitled by xxvi.ii at Garmin Connect - Details
In case the link doesn't work...
It's not ideal for this week as I would prefer to do M/W/F Gym and Strength training and T/Th/Sa Running, but sometimes you have to adjust for life. This week was back to school night (on Wednesday) and Patrick had to be at work early both Wednesday and Friday which means I take Isabel to school and can't go to the gym in the morning.
Unfortunately the weather has been full on summer and it is not very comfortable. I know my limits and I know that I am capable of running in 90 degree heat as long as I stay hydrated. Tuesday I made sure to drink as much water as possible throughout the day because I knew that it was going to be hot when I got off of work and was able to go for my run.
I used to be able to skip a run based on a number of excuses, but my main excuse was blaming the weather. Too hot, too cold, too wet, etc. It really didn't matter what was going on. If I didn't want to run, then I didn't and I could justify it left and right.
Tuesday I told myself as I was driving home that if it was over 90 degrees when I got to my parents then I wouldn't run. But if it was anything under 90 degrees then I would. I was hydrated and I needed to get my run in. As I got off of the freeway it was 91 degrees and I told myself to just go and get it over with.
Yes it was hot. Yes it was uncomfortable. Yes I was dripping with sweat when I was done. And yes I loved every minute of it. I did not regret going and even though I told myself I could go at a snail's pace I ended up sticking with my normal pace and even finished one of the miles under 12 minutes.
Pride..
I had another run scheduled for Thursday, however by the time I got ready to head home it was still 100 degrees and even I know better than to push myself in that. I would much rather take the day off of running than push myself too hard in that heat. That plus my GPS watch breaking was more than enough to exhaust me.
My long run this week was a scheduled 3 mile run with Rachel and Lorien. This was Lorien's longest distance run so far. Rachel has been walking and hiking lately to stay active, but this run was her first in a while. We decided on 30:1 intervals.
I decided to run to Rachel's house (about a mile) at 1:1, run with them for 3 at 30:1 and then run home at 1:1. It was a great run and I felt good the entire time. It was hot and humid out, so that didn't help much, but it's good to run even if the weather is not ideal because you never know what race day is going to bring and you want to be prepared for anything.
I was also able to use my new GPS watch for the first time. I ordered it Thursday after mine died. I decided that it was a purchase that needed to be made sooner rather than later as training has already begun and will be going on for a long while. I bought the Garmin 110.
Today was my first time using it since I had to charge it all night last night. So far I really like it and I love the features it has online. I posted a link to my workout for today and I like that feature a lot. It shows elevation and what the weather was like for my run, my pace and my mile times. It's pretty cool.
Untitled by xxvi.ii at Garmin Connect - Details
In case the link doesn't work...
Summary
| Distance: | 5.19 mi |
| Time: | 1:11:51 |
| Avg Pace: | 13:50 min/mi |
| Elevation Gain: | 177 ft |
| Calories: | 663 C |
Details
Timing
| Time: | 1:11:51 |
| Moving Time: | 1:10:44 |
| Elapsed Time: | 1:17:44 |
| Avg Pace: | 13:50 min/mi |
| Avg Moving Pace: | 13:37 min/mi |
| Best Pace: | 3:00 min/mi |
Speed
Pace
Elevation
| Elevation Gain: | 177 ft |
| Elevation Loss: | 182 ft |
| Min Elevation: | 710 ft |
| Max Elevation: | 823 ft |
75°
Feels like 75°
8 mph WNW wind
Humidity 69%
Not a bad run when the sunrise is so beautiful.. I absolutely cannot wait to go for another run to use my watch. So excited and so happy with my purchase.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Enough
I get into a pretty negative cycle with myself when it comes to pretty much everything I do. I have yet to pinpoint the cause but nothing I do is ever good enough.
I'm not fast enough, I haven't done enough races, I haven't gone far enough, I didn't try hard enough during training. It's never enough.
And now the work enough looks weird when I type it out..
I think it's because I'm always comparing myself to other people. Always. In regards to every aspect of my life. The funny thing is, if I just look at my life, my family, my job, my bank account, my hobbies, my fitness, etc. then it is enough. It's when I look at what other people have, what other people do and what other people think that I start feeling like I'm not where I should be.
Not to anyones standards, just my own.
Which is weird.
In regards to my work, my family, my parenting, my marriage, even going back to high school and college. Not good enough.
So it would naturally make sense for me to think that my running is also not good enough.
I'm not fast enough, I haven't done enough races, I haven't gone far enough, I didn't try hard enough during training. It's never enough.
And now the work enough looks weird when I type it out..
I think it's because I'm always comparing myself to other people. Always. In regards to every aspect of my life. The funny thing is, if I just look at my life, my family, my job, my bank account, my hobbies, my fitness, etc. then it is enough. It's when I look at what other people have, what other people do and what other people think that I start feeling like I'm not where I should be.
When it comes to running (and all areas of my life really) the important thing I have to remember is to stop comparing myself to other runners. Not every runner is built the same and every person has a pace and a distance that works for them.
In fact, I can't even compare myself to a year ago because I was running with a group instead of alone or with my sister, I was pushing for a PR instead of working at a slower pace to be support for someone else and I was a year younger (and about 30 pounds lighter).
I am improving and I am enjoying myself in the process. I normally would never have gone for a run in 90 degree weather, but I did that on Tuesday. I tried to talk myself out of it, and the old me would have fallen for the old excuse trick, but not this Tracy. No, I went for my run. I told myself to go slow and steady. My slow and steady pace ended up being the close to my normal pace and one mile was faster than normal and I felt great doing it.
So what if my miles are 12 and a half minute miles. Who really cares? I'm not out there at the front of the line trying to win these races and I'm okay with never doing so. I don't run races for that reason. I really don't think anyone will think less of me when I tell them that my fastest marathon time is 5 hours and 53 minutes. And if they do, then that's on them. It doesn't take away my pride of completing the marathon and the joy of the PR I got that day.
I have got to stop comparing myself to others because when I start to compare that's when I lose my drive. And this motivation has got to stick around for a long while considering how many races I have scheduled and how many races I plan to sign up for in the future. I am fast enough, I am good enough, I am enough.
In fact, I can't even compare myself to a year ago because I was running with a group instead of alone or with my sister, I was pushing for a PR instead of working at a slower pace to be support for someone else and I was a year younger (and about 30 pounds lighter).
I am improving and I am enjoying myself in the process. I normally would never have gone for a run in 90 degree weather, but I did that on Tuesday. I tried to talk myself out of it, and the old me would have fallen for the old excuse trick, but not this Tracy. No, I went for my run. I told myself to go slow and steady. My slow and steady pace ended up being the close to my normal pace and one mile was faster than normal and I felt great doing it.
So what if my miles are 12 and a half minute miles. Who really cares? I'm not out there at the front of the line trying to win these races and I'm okay with never doing so. I don't run races for that reason. I really don't think anyone will think less of me when I tell them that my fastest marathon time is 5 hours and 53 minutes. And if they do, then that's on them. It doesn't take away my pride of completing the marathon and the joy of the PR I got that day.
I have got to stop comparing myself to others because when I start to compare that's when I lose my drive. And this motivation has got to stick around for a long while considering how many races I have scheduled and how many races I plan to sign up for in the future. I am fast enough, I am good enough, I am enough.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Running Log
I know a lot of runners keep track of their scheduled runs. They track the date, time, distance, course, thoughts, feelings, etc. I wish I could have started out being that detail oriented.
My running log is simply the date, daily miles, monthly miles and total miles. Just a bunch of numbers thrown onto a page. Completely OCD.
I started tracking on January 1, 2012. My goal was to run and/or walk 1250 miles in one year. I fell short by 356.87 miles, ending the year with 893.13. The last three months of the year were pathetic and I could have reached my goal if I had just done something those months. I found the papers from that journal a couple days ago and decided to compile all of my miles into one book.
I really think that it's important for me to be proud of the things I have accomplished. I may not have reached my goal last year, and I know I'm not going to reach my goal this year (thanks to being on bed rest for two whole months). I am currently at 501.36 miles for this year and would need another 748.64 to reach my goal, meaning I would need to walk and/or run no less than 187.16 miles every month until the end of the year.
I'm not holding my breath for that.
But, just because I didn't reach those goals does not mean that those miles were not done. I have purposefully walked and/or run a total of 1394.49 miles from January 1, 2012 until today. That's not something small. That is huge!
All of those miles have now been added up into one nice little place so that I can see it daily when I add in new miles.
I think my new goal is to eventually see myself hit the 5,000 mile mark. It should probably take me a total of 5 years if I continue to run. And of course, next year will be my year to hit 1250 miles in one year. I can feel it!
My running log is simply the date, daily miles, monthly miles and total miles. Just a bunch of numbers thrown onto a page. Completely OCD.
I started tracking on January 1, 2012. My goal was to run and/or walk 1250 miles in one year. I fell short by 356.87 miles, ending the year with 893.13. The last three months of the year were pathetic and I could have reached my goal if I had just done something those months. I found the papers from that journal a couple days ago and decided to compile all of my miles into one book.
I really think that it's important for me to be proud of the things I have accomplished. I may not have reached my goal last year, and I know I'm not going to reach my goal this year (thanks to being on bed rest for two whole months). I am currently at 501.36 miles for this year and would need another 748.64 to reach my goal, meaning I would need to walk and/or run no less than 187.16 miles every month until the end of the year.
I'm not holding my breath for that.
But, just because I didn't reach those goals does not mean that those miles were not done. I have purposefully walked and/or run a total of 1394.49 miles from January 1, 2012 until today. That's not something small. That is huge!
All of those miles have now been added up into one nice little place so that I can see it daily when I add in new miles.
I think my new goal is to eventually see myself hit the 5,000 mile mark. It should probably take me a total of 5 years if I continue to run. And of course, next year will be my year to hit 1250 miles in one year. I can feel it!
Saturday, August 10, 2013
It's Official!
I have once and for all decided that I am getting rid of the scale. If I had to pinpoint one part of my weight loss journey that has given me the most emotional and mental anguish it would be that piece of equipment. And so it is time for me to part ways.
I feel as though I can be having a great week. I can eat well and exercise as planned. I can feel great going into Saturday morning and then I step on the scale and it's like nothing positive happened the week before. The workouts don't matter and the eating well and tracking mean nothing if that scale doesn't show progress.
Well that's just not right. Like, at all.
Just because the scale doesn't move doesn't mean that I'm not making progress. And a number on a scale should not dictate how my week went or my mood for the next day or two.
This negative body thing I have going on is not healthy for me mentally or physically and although I am in therapy I feel like I am making very little progress. It's frustrating and irritating and I am so over it.
So I decided that I need to get rid of the one thing that makes it worse.
The mental mind game that comes along with weighing in is too much for me to handle. When I lose I am happy the rest of the day. When I gain I go through a wave of emotions and it includes a lot of verbal abuse towards myself. I feel worthless and pathetic.
I know that I have attempted to stay off of the scale before and have not succeeded in doing so. This time I will actually be removing the scale from our home in order to keep it out of sight and out of mind.
Without knowing my weight I will not be able to track my BMI or my Body Fat %. I think that the less numbers I have to worry about the better. I really just want to be able to focus on my training and my measurements. I want to be physically fit and that may mean that I weigh over an "ideal" weight for my height.
I'm going to track my progress using measurements and taking progress pictures monthly and of course being able to see a change in my endurance fitness-wise. This is so much more important to me and I know that 6 out of 7 days a week. It's just that one day that I weigh in that everything else goes away and I am weighed down by a number that may or may not reflect the work I put into it that week.
The scale can be affected by so many things that it's actually a pretty silly way to track progress. It can fluctuate so much by something as small as sodium. I'm still stumbling around trying to find my way with eating and exercise and how many calories to eat back. It will take a lot of stress off of finding this balance if I can do it without worrying about that number.
And I've already seen proof from others and now myself that the number on the scale doesn't necessarily mean that your body is not changing. I took progress pictures after a 2 and a half month time period. My first picture I weight 181.8 and my second picture, 2 and a half months later I weigh 189. I weigh more, but my measurements are down and I look better (at least in my opinion...) This is huge to me and a much better way of looking at it then by weighing in.
Another part of that is when I look back at my pictures from last year after doing 30 day shred. I think I looked pretty good and yet I was still obsessed with a number that the scale said. I think this go around I don't want to know that number and just base things off of how I feel I look. I could be really happy with my body but not be a certain weight I think I should be at. That weight should be left up to my body to decide after giving it proper exercise and nutrition.
I'm actually pretty excited about this. Without it being in the apartment I won't be tempted to peek. This is going to be a positive thing. I can tell already.
I feel as though I can be having a great week. I can eat well and exercise as planned. I can feel great going into Saturday morning and then I step on the scale and it's like nothing positive happened the week before. The workouts don't matter and the eating well and tracking mean nothing if that scale doesn't show progress.
Well that's just not right. Like, at all.
Just because the scale doesn't move doesn't mean that I'm not making progress. And a number on a scale should not dictate how my week went or my mood for the next day or two.
This negative body thing I have going on is not healthy for me mentally or physically and although I am in therapy I feel like I am making very little progress. It's frustrating and irritating and I am so over it.
So I decided that I need to get rid of the one thing that makes it worse.
The mental mind game that comes along with weighing in is too much for me to handle. When I lose I am happy the rest of the day. When I gain I go through a wave of emotions and it includes a lot of verbal abuse towards myself. I feel worthless and pathetic.
I know that I have attempted to stay off of the scale before and have not succeeded in doing so. This time I will actually be removing the scale from our home in order to keep it out of sight and out of mind.
Without knowing my weight I will not be able to track my BMI or my Body Fat %. I think that the less numbers I have to worry about the better. I really just want to be able to focus on my training and my measurements. I want to be physically fit and that may mean that I weigh over an "ideal" weight for my height.
I'm going to track my progress using measurements and taking progress pictures monthly and of course being able to see a change in my endurance fitness-wise. This is so much more important to me and I know that 6 out of 7 days a week. It's just that one day that I weigh in that everything else goes away and I am weighed down by a number that may or may not reflect the work I put into it that week.
The scale can be affected by so many things that it's actually a pretty silly way to track progress. It can fluctuate so much by something as small as sodium. I'm still stumbling around trying to find my way with eating and exercise and how many calories to eat back. It will take a lot of stress off of finding this balance if I can do it without worrying about that number.
And I've already seen proof from others and now myself that the number on the scale doesn't necessarily mean that your body is not changing. I took progress pictures after a 2 and a half month time period. My first picture I weight 181.8 and my second picture, 2 and a half months later I weigh 189. I weigh more, but my measurements are down and I look better (at least in my opinion...) This is huge to me and a much better way of looking at it then by weighing in.
Another part of that is when I look back at my pictures from last year after doing 30 day shred. I think I looked pretty good and yet I was still obsessed with a number that the scale said. I think this go around I don't want to know that number and just base things off of how I feel I look. I could be really happy with my body but not be a certain weight I think I should be at. That weight should be left up to my body to decide after giving it proper exercise and nutrition.
I'm actually pretty excited about this. Without it being in the apartment I won't be tempted to peek. This is going to be a positive thing. I can tell already.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Looking Good, Feeling Great!
Yesterday started day one week two of my training and what a start to the week!
Patrick and I both had to be at work early, so my run and the gym were both scheduled for the evening. I got in my two walks on my breaks at work and was ready to go for my run after work and before Isabel's swim lesson.
The nice thing about running before her swim lesson is that it's in a new area from my normal running courses so it makes things exciting. Yesterday's run was a little more difficult due to the warmer weather and the course I picked which included hills ("I love hills, I love hills, I love hills..."). My goal was to go for at least 30 minutes and for a minimum distance of 2.5 miles. I ended up making it just slightly over 3 miles in 38 minutes. My mile times are staying pretty consistent and under 12:30 minute miles which is pretty good for me, and although I would like to eventually get faster I am happy with this time considering a couple months ago I could barely break the 14 minute mile.
After swim I went straight to the gym for my hour scheduled workout. I decided instead of setting specific times for the elliptical and bike I would just go and see how I feel. Since I'm working on distance I feel like I may need to spend more time on the elliptical in order to reach my weekly and monthly goals whereas I can hit my bike goals pretty quickly.
I felt like my workout was great and I was wiping off sweat from my face and arms pretty much every couple minutes or so. I know that I looked like crap and I was damn proud of that.
I left feeling like I had worked hard and earned the calories I burned in that hour and ten minutes (833 to be exact). I left smiling because I know that I am making some progress on my training and it feels great to see that improvement.
At this point in time I am happy to say that I am learning to be patient with the results. It's a day to day struggle for me. I can look in the mirror one day and hate the way my body looks and wonder why I'm not seeing a difference yet and then I can be sitting here typing about a workout and know that I've only been doing this for a week and that it takes time to see results.
I know that if I stick with it then I will see my body change. Not just on the outside, but I know that my endurance will improve and that I will be capable of doing anything. It gives me more hope to track this progress more so than it does to track my weight. I'm contemplating making a huge change in that department soon and will be updating in the near future.
Patrick and I both had to be at work early, so my run and the gym were both scheduled for the evening. I got in my two walks on my breaks at work and was ready to go for my run after work and before Isabel's swim lesson.
The nice thing about running before her swim lesson is that it's in a new area from my normal running courses so it makes things exciting. Yesterday's run was a little more difficult due to the warmer weather and the course I picked which included hills ("I love hills, I love hills, I love hills..."). My goal was to go for at least 30 minutes and for a minimum distance of 2.5 miles. I ended up making it just slightly over 3 miles in 38 minutes. My mile times are staying pretty consistent and under 12:30 minute miles which is pretty good for me, and although I would like to eventually get faster I am happy with this time considering a couple months ago I could barely break the 14 minute mile.
After swim I went straight to the gym for my hour scheduled workout. I decided instead of setting specific times for the elliptical and bike I would just go and see how I feel. Since I'm working on distance I feel like I may need to spend more time on the elliptical in order to reach my weekly and monthly goals whereas I can hit my bike goals pretty quickly.
I felt like my workout was great and I was wiping off sweat from my face and arms pretty much every couple minutes or so. I know that I looked like crap and I was damn proud of that.
At this point in time I am happy to say that I am learning to be patient with the results. It's a day to day struggle for me. I can look in the mirror one day and hate the way my body looks and wonder why I'm not seeing a difference yet and then I can be sitting here typing about a workout and know that I've only been doing this for a week and that it takes time to see results.
I know that if I stick with it then I will see my body change. Not just on the outside, but I know that my endurance will improve and that I will be capable of doing anything. It gives me more hope to track this progress more so than it does to track my weight. I'm contemplating making a huge change in that department soon and will be updating in the near future.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Weekly Weigh In
Starting weight: 188.8
Last week's weight: 185.4
This week's weight: 189.4
This week +/-: +4
Total +/-: +0.6
Thoughts: I mentally prepared for a 1, maybe 2 pound loss this week. I had checked the scale both Thursday and Friday, so I knew my chances for a loss were pretty slim.
Last week's weight: 185.4
This week's weight: 189.4
This week +/-: +4
Total +/-: +0.6
Thoughts: I mentally prepared for a 1, maybe 2 pound loss this week. I had checked the scale both Thursday and Friday, so I knew my chances for a loss were pretty slim.
I talked to myself about it, knew it was coming, most likely knew the reason why and was trying to accept it as part of the process.
Seeing a 4 pound gain took me by surprise and was highly upsetting. There are reasons for it. High sodium yesterday and the increase in exercise this past week does still play a part.
It stung having to type that weight into My Fitness Pal. It stung seeing my progress from the past month (-3.4) just go away. And it stings typing it here.
I have once again surpassed my previous highest adult weight.
There's no point sitting here thinking about it. I know the reasons for it, so I know the part that I can change for next week.
And the part that I can't change (the gain from exercising), well that's a positive change for my lifestyle and will catch up with the rest of my body at some point.
I know it seems silly to post progress pictures, because obviously the weight loss isn't going in the direction I had hoped, but it's been a while and in all honesty I think I look better.
My original pictures are on the left and were taking on May 20th. The current pictures on the right were taken this morning. I was 181.8 on the left at my original starting weight (I've restarted since then) and 189 on the right.
My original pictures are on the left and were taking on May 20th. The current pictures on the right were taken this morning. I was 181.8 on the left at my original starting weight (I've restarted since then) and 189 on the right.
Not quite where I want to be, but proof that the scale is not a very good tool to show success. It's just one way to measure progress and I need to remember that on the weeks that it is up.
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