September 12, 2013

7am: 2 eggo protein waffles, 1 Tbsp Nutella
815am: 1 cup coffee, 3 tbsp coffeemate peppermint mocha creamer, 3 splenda
1030am: string cheese, apple
11am: banana, low calorie gatorade
1230pm: rice, peas, corn, hot & spicy spam
2pm: Drumstick
340pm: Granola bars

530pm: steak, mashed potatoes, bell pepper, cheesy breadstick, glass of wine

cardio activity: 1.34 mile walk, 2.05 mile walk
strength training:
70 squats

I took Isabel to school this morning. We always hold hands on our way from the car all the way into school. Today was different though. 

Today she saw two of her friends from the gate and immediately let go of my hand. Almost as if she were embarrassed to be seen with me.

I'm not ready for that yet! She's only 5. This isn't supposed to happen yet.. She's too grown up and it kind of makes me sad that her childhood is slipping away. Maybe it's time to start thinking about having another one.. 

Who am I kidding?! It's all I think about. But it's not quite time yet. Soon though. 

September 11, 2013

Twelve years ago today I woke up and started getting ready for school. I was a Junior in high school. It started like any other day.

I went into my parents room to say good morning to my mom and saw that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. Being young and naive I truly believed that it was an accident. An tragic error. A mistake.

I thought how sad it was that this was happening and left to finish getting ready. I was barely down the hall when my mom yelled out. I ran back just after the second plane crashed. 

This was no accident. There was no error. No one had made a mistake.

I went to school and was sitting in my history class watching the news. We watched as the buildings collapsed. We witnessed death, devastation and our world's changed in a blink of an eye. 

And we weren't even directly affected.

September 11th is a day that will never be forgotten. It will be a day that I will always know where I was when it happened. A day that my children will learn about in school...

I will never forget that day, the people who lost their lives, or the way we united as a country. If only it didn't take an event so awful to bring us together.

Today was a pretty good day. I ate when hungry and worked out. Sometimes I just have to tell myself to do it, tell someone else I'm going to do it and then get it done. 

I decided spur of the moment that I wanted to go for a run tonight. I ran last night and it was amazing, even if I did run right by a bee hive and had a bee get in my shirt (I got it out without being stung). 

We went out to dinner to our normal Wednesday location for trivia, so I knew it was a little over 2 miles. I ran to a point just past comfort and ended the 2.56 miles in 30:30, averaging just under 12 minute miles. 

The highlight of my run was during a walk break. I was approaching two teenage boys walking toward me. I smiled and they both said hi. I said hi back. I was over two miles at this point, slightly out of breath, glistening with sweat and walking.. One of the young men said, as he passed me "You are beautiful." 

This compliment is not something I take easily. I don't believe it when Patrick says it, I tried believing it when Isabel said it and I told myself this teenage boy was mocking me when he said it. I said thank you and continued on my way.

But why shouldn't I believe any of these people? Patrick doesn't gain anything by saying it. Isabel is 5, so she's sometimes painfully honest. And it's not like this stranger had anything to gain by saying it and he wasn't laughing while saying it so maybe he really believed it. 

Maybe it's time I start believing it too.

7am: 1 cup of coffee with 2 tbsp coffeemate peppermint mocha creamer, 3 splenda, 1 serving yogurt covered raisins
840am: 1 cup Cheerio's, 1 cup fat free milk, banana
1035am: apple, string cheese, yogurt covered raisins
115pm: rice, peas, corn, hot & spicy spam, lemon bar
245pm: Oikos Greek yogurt- strawberry

7pm: shrimp dinner with zucchini, fried fish taco

cardio workout: 1.32 mile walk, 2 mile walk, 2.56 mile interval run
strength training:
65 squats
2 sets of 10
squat & press
dead weight/chest row
squat/kettle bell swing
right leg static lunge with bicep curl
chair/reverse fly
left leg static lunge with bicep curl
squat/dumb bell row
crunches
reverse crunches
left side crunches
right side crunches
push ups
tricep kickbacks
bicep curls
shoulder presses
front raises
lateral raises
tricep dips

Being Honest- September 10, 2013

I think it's about time that I start being honest with myself.

As much as I have changed for the betting since getting rid of the scale I have noticed that my working out has decreased and my eating habits have gotten worse. I was mentally prepared for something like this to happen because realistically I have nothing holding me accountable.

I am going to be doing some spending today on a couple of books that will help me understand intuitive eating better. Intuitive Eating and The Body Image Workbook. I feel as though I am in need of some guidance because there is too much going on. I feel better about my body, but in that same sense I am allowing myself to go overboard when it comes to food and skipping workouts.

I feel as though I don't want to necessarily track calories or points by using My Fitness Pal and Weight Watchers. For me it gets too frustrating and confusing when I start factoring in the calories I burn and how many I should be eating back. However, I do think that I need to have some form of accountability when it comes to what I am putting into my body.

So I will be starting to post daily menu's here. I am not concerning myself with anything other than the time I ate and what I ate. No calorie details.

7am: Coffee, 2 Tbsp Coffeemate Peppermint Mocha creamer, 3 splenda
815am: 1 cup Honey Nut Cheerio's, 1 cup fat free milk, 1 banana
1030am: apple, string cheese, Oikos Greek yogurt- lemon meringue
1215pm: fat free tuna salad with crackers, deli fresh lunch meat, baby carrots
145pm: granola bar
330pm: coconut water, Luna chocolate peppermint bar
630pm: Fire Island Grill- Pineapple Chicken Sandwich with fresh fruit
8pm: glass of wine

cardio workout: 1.33 mile walk, 2.07 mile walk, 4.23 mile interval run
strength training:
2 sets of 15
squat & press
dead weight/chest row
squat/kettle bell swing
chair/reverse fly
static lunge with bicep curl
squat/dumb bell row
crunches
reverse crunches
left side crunches
right side crunches

Not Enough

Food that is.

I've upped my workout routine and, according to my heart rate monitor, I am burning between 1500-2000 calories a day with exercise.

This means that I am supposed to be eating an extra 1500-2000 calories on top of the 1200 calories allotted a day. This seems like it's too much food for a day and I do have concerns about it.

I do not understand calories. I do not understand how one article says to burn more than you eat and another says to eat more to weigh less and that you should be eating those calories back. What I do understand is that when I'm hungry I want to eat and when I work out the way I have been then my appetite increases. I should be (and am trying to) eat back some of those calories the proper way (protein, fruits, veggies, complex carbs, etc) and I know that my body needs that fuel because it is working hard to keep up with my workout routine.

But... I get confused and I don't know what's the right way for me to go. This is where having a nutritionist or personal trainer who helps with nutrition would come in handy.

My first concern is that my heart rate monitor is not working correctly. I have taken my heart rate the old fashioned way a few times now and have compared it to my HRM watch. Every single time it has either said the same number or been 1-2 beats off. I can honestly say that when I go to the gym and spend 30 minutes on the bike or elliptical I am giving it my all. I am not, as Jillian Michaels would say, "phoning it in at the gym".

I'm not burning all of these calories at one time either. Tuesday, for example, looked like this:

4:45am- wake up
5am- quick snack and water
530am- gym (35 min bike, 30 min elliptical)- calories burned 784
7am- work (ate a banana and drank a cup of coffee)
9am- breakfast
10am- 1.37 mile walk (half uphill)- calories burned 215
1030am- snack
1130am- 2.10 mile walk (half uphill)- calories burned 333
1245pm- lunch
430pm- left work
5pm- 35 minute interval run- calories burned 479
615pm- dinner

I finished the day with eating 2200 calories and burning 1792 and I had 792 calories left over. I know that I could have picked better choices (dinner was out at Smashburger where I got a grilled chicken sandwich (yes with cheese!) and sweet potato fries (but I did not eat them all)), but when I got home I just was not hungry.

I am going to try to focus on the good healthy guidelines set by Weight Watchers- fruits & veggies, dairy, multivitamin, whole wheat, protein, healthy oils, etc. I think this will make up for some of those extra calories that I'm not eating, but I know I'm not going to be perfect every day.

I think that as long as I do one thing for the next 2-4 weeks (using the HRM for every workout, tracking, eating as many calories as I am hungry for and not forcing it) then it will be enough time to see if it's working or not. I know that my weight loss may stall for a while due to the intensity of the workouts and I am ready for that.

Right now I keep telling myself (and am believing) that I would much rather have a toned body with less body fat then see the scale get down to 150 (or whatever number in the healthy weight range it stops at). I know that if I continue to make these healthy lifestyle changes then my body is going to follow and I will slim down and have the body I'm working for.

The number on the scale is just one way to measure success. I passed up dessert last night at my in-laws... Success! I have been drinking 10+ glasses of water every day for the past two days... Success! I have tracked every bite, lick and taste for two days... Success! I have not binged for the past two days... Success! I have followed my workout schedule for the past two days... Success!

I need to stop the voices in my head that are confused about the calories in/calories out and just start listening to my body. I mean, if I'm working out, eating well (and to satisfaction) then everything else will fall into place.

This is not a sprint! My body may not see the results in the amount of time I wish. This is a marathon and it's going to take a while to get to that finish line. But I would be lying if I said that it isn't worth every painful step along the way to cross that finish line..

My Current Top Ten Future Health Goals

1. Get down to a weight that is within my healthy weight range.

2. Maintain a healthy weight.

3. Get down to a healthy BMI.

4. Get down to a healthy body fat percentage.

5. Limit sweets to once a week to make them a treat.

6. Limit alcohol to once a week to make it a treat.

7. Consistently drink 6 or more glasses of water a day.

8. Track. Everything. Everyday.

9. Stay off of the scale except for on weigh in day.

10. Take pride in my body the way it is and for the things it has allowed me to do.

Sunday July 14th

Goal: 1200
Food: 2055
Exercise: -868
Net: 1187

Breakfast:
Special K Waffles (150)
Crunchy Peanut Butter (95)
Small Banana (90)

Snack:
Grapes (62)

Lunch:
Apple Blue Pecan Salad (230)
Hard Boiled Egg (60)
Baby Carrots (35)

Snack:
Pepper Jack Sandwich Crackers (190)
Jelly Bellies (520)

Dinner:
Ground Beef Hamburger Patty (380)
Sweet Potato with Light Butter and Brown Sugar (243)

Exercise:
Gym- Stationary Bike (-720)
Malibooty Workout (-148)

Positive: I really did not want to track everything that I ate today, but knew that is not the point of doing this. I had a weak moment and instead of ignoring it, I owned it and am proud of ending the day under my calorie goal.

Thoughts:
* I was very excited to see a loss on the scale this morning. Of course weighing in means that I failed on my monthly weigh in, but I am hoping that the more conscious I am about what that number means (or doesn't mean) then the better mentally I can handle this.

* I picked up the apartment today and had some help from my step daughter Leah. She picked up the kids bedroom while I tackled our bedroom, the living room, the patio and I started the laundry.

* Which reminds me that I need to change over the loads and make a dent in the piles sitting in the hallway.

* To keep the laundry theme going, it amazes me how much laundry can pile up in a week. Especially when there are five of us here instead of the normal three.

* Tomorrow is the start to my training for my new position and the day that my promotion goes through (including pay increase). I'm excited to learn the position, but I know that it's going to be A LOT of information condensed into a small amount of time. That's a little nerve wracking because sometimes it takes me a little longer to pick up on things. But I bought a notebook and I plan on writing everything down so that I can look back and do things right the first time. I am so grateful for this opportunity.

* I went to the gym tonight and rode the stationary bike for a little over an hour (65 minutes). I ended up burning just over 700 calories and the most exciting part... I went for 18.05 miles! I have really been into keeping track of distances and certain milestones. To date, this was my longest bike ride.

* I bought sweet potatoes at the grocery store yesterday and Patrick was nice enough to stick one in the oven while he made hamburgers for dinner. It was amazing and they will be a permanent staple on my grocery list from now on. A little butter and brown sugar. Delicious and really healthy for you (maybe not so much the butter and brown sugar, but it needs some flavor)...

* I am in love with my patio. I wish it was bigger, but I could sit outside forever and just enjoy the flowers and plants. I sometimes I wish I had more extra time to just sit out there with a glass of wine and a good book. Mmmmm... wine.

* I sent Patrick and Kaleb out to hit a bucket of golf balls tonight so that the girls could have movie night. We picked a kid friendly movie- A Cinderella Story. I only wish I had saved the calories for some popcorn.

* Isabel starts swim lessons tomorrow. I am a little concerned about how that's going to pan out. She is afraid of drowning, so at five years old she still wears floaties and screams when we try to get her to swim by herself. She panics and that's the worst thing she can do. This is her 5th time in this lesson group. All of the kids in her class are younger than her and all of the other kids in the prior 4 classes have graduated to the next set of classes. I know that at some point this swimming thing will just click, so I'm trying not to be too concerned, but it is a little worrisome.

Thursday July 11th

Day three! This is usually when I stop picking out my outfits, stop taking pride in my clothing and body and stop waking up early to do my makeup. Don't be surprised when I have a picture of jeans and flip flops tomorrow. I will still be dressing nicely (or at least what I think is being nicely dressed), but it's Friday, so I think more casual is doable.

Necklace from: Caffe Aroma

Dress from: Target

Shoes from: Kohls

Goal: 1200
Food: 1695
Exercise: -1025
Net: 670

 

Breakfast:
Greek Yogurt Strawberry (140)
Oatmeal (150)

Lunch: 
Three Cheese Baked Ziti (300)

Snack:
Dark Chocolate Raspberry Popsicle (80)

Dinner: 
Lasagna (310)
Garlic Bread (110)
Caesar Salad (150)
Pink Moscato (135)
 
Exercise:
1.37 mile walk (-173)
2.10 mile walk (-243)
3.10 mile interval run (-609)
40 Donkey Kicks
Calories burned: -1025 

Positive: I told myself last night that in order to skip my run I had to go the next day (today). I went tonight and had my best run yet! Not only did I run faster than normal, but I felt great while doing it.

I do not have the energy or time tonight for good/bad and thoughts. It was a long day at work and we are getting ready to take the kids down to the pool for a little while before bed. I have some thoughts that I wrote a post about that will be posted tomorrow morning.

Wednesday July 10th

Another wonderful day at work.. Another outfit planned out..

Shirt from: JC Penny's

Skirt from: Target

Boots from: Kohl's

 

 

Goal: 1200
Food: 1550
Exercise: -469
Net: 1081

 

Breakfast:
Greek Yogurt Raspberry (140)
Old Fashioned Oatmeal (150)

Lunch: 
Garden Vegetable Medley (140)
Santa Fe Style Rice & Beans (310)
 Snack:
Red Velvet Cake (260)

Dinner: 
Chips & Salsa (240)
Grilled Shrimp Meal (310)
 
Exercise:
1.37 mile walk (-180)
2.10 mile walk (-289)
35 Donkey kicks
 
Calories burned: -469

Positive: I am officially an Underwriting Assistant! I received my offer today and gladly accepted. Patrick's promotion and raise and now my promotion and raise will help us tremendously. Patrick and I will use this opportunity to redo our budget and we will stick to it this time!

The Good: My coworker/best friend and I are getting back into our walking routine. We have made the promise to each other to do at the very least our 1.37 mile walk every day. Depending on the heat we will do both, but the temperature has been in the high 80s, low 90s and walking in the middle of the afternoon (half uphill) is just not a smart idea. I'm just glad we are both on the same page and I can get in some workout during the day while at work.

The Bad: I skipped my run tonight. Smartest decision? No. But by the time I got home, dressed and waited for Patrick to get home it was already past 8:30 PM and I do not like running that late at night as there are some streets I run on that don't have lights. I will have to either run tomorrow night or add it onto my workout on Friday. It's not that big of a deal, but still frustrating that I skipped it. I knew I should have just gone.

Thoughts: 
* I am very happy with my raise and am so grateful for this opportunity. My manager could have very easily filled the position 3 months ago, but instead waited for me. That means a lot to me and shows that I was deserving of it. Training is all next week and it is going to be awesome.

* I love my job. It just continues to get better each day. I do not feel stressed. I do not feel like I have too many responsibilities (as of yet). I do not feel like there is an evil spirit working two cubicles away. I feel hopeful. I feel like the attitude around the office is lighter. I feel like everyone knows the reason as to why we all hated going to work so much. Now that this person is gone, and we are fully staffed everyone seems happier. And the new employees all seem so nice so far.

* My mom went in for surgery today. She was in and out in about 20 minutes. Such a relief to get the text message that everything was fine.

* I spent a good 10 minutes tonight having a conversation with my cat. She totally talked back the entire time. Granted I don't know what "meow" means, but she was talkative and I love hearing her be so vocal. We bonded. It was great.

* This bonding experience may also be part of the reason that it pushed my run past 8:30 and why it was canceled for this evening. I will do it though. Before Sunday!

* I want to buy a house. I don't necessarily want a house right now because I think I would be overwhelmed with keeping it cleaned... But, I want to decorate our home and I especially want to have a backyard. I cannot keep a plant alive, but Patrick can, and since I really like succulents (and it takes a lot to kill those) I feel like I can make a nice little outdoor getaway.

* Marley is currently smacking Patrick in the face with her tail. It is hilarious... I am laughing hysterically inside right now. You know he loves her because he's not making her move.

Back to Work

I started back at work this morning, and I thought it would be best to start off on the right foot.

Necklace from: my mom (I think it's from Avon?)

Shirt from: Old Navy

Skirt from: Target

Shoes from: Kohl's

 

And I felt great! We are a casual office, but it's always nice to get done up (especially when it helps you feel more confidence). I really think I'm going to try to get dressed up Monday through Thursday (aka- no jeans) and then go casual/cute on Friday's.

Goal: 1200
Food: 1298
Exercise: -217
Net: 1070

 

Breakfast:
Whole Wheat English Muffin (110)
1/2 Tbsp Creamy Peanut Butter (42)

Lunch: 
Sushi (560)

Snack: 
Swedish Fish (225)
Dinner: 
2 Slices Cheese Pizza (360)
Exercise:
30 Donkey Kicks, 1.37 mile walk  Calories burned: -217

Positive: I started back at work today and I rocked my outfit. I looked good because I felt good. I had confidence in myself and I really think it showed.

The Good: First day back at work and so much has changed since I left. So much good changes that I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to be back. A few people have left (and all but one will be missed). A few people have joined. I start training next Monday and cannot wait to learn my new job. I am no longer on the bottom of the totem pole!

The Bad: It's difficult being away from Isabel. I have gotten used to being with her all day every day for the past three and a half months. I don't want to leave her in the mornings, but it definitely helps if she stays asleep. If she wakes up before I leave there are a lot of tears on both ends. I miss her during the day when I'm at work, but am thankful that she is with my parents and that they have her call me. When I get home, she usually wants nothing to do with me and has a horrible time listening to me. It's a difficult balance we have yet to find.

Thoughts: 
* I am hoping to get to bed earlier tonight. I tried going to bed early last night, but could not fall asleep. I think tonight might be a little easier, but since Patrick is closing and doesn't get home until close to 11 I will probably wake up then.

* I am having a difficult time with the 30 Day Push challenge. I made my 10 goals for the year, but thanks to some help from some friends who are also doing the challenge, some of my goals are not measurable. I will need to focus on making more measurable goals next week (since this assignment is done weekly). I'm going to keep these ten for now:
1. Have more confidence in myself
2. Be more positive about my body and what it can do
3. Go back to school for marine biology
4. Save over $10,000 in our house savings account as a starting point
5. Sign up for the Dopey Challenge
6. Make weekly workout schedules and stick with it
7. Be more organized at home
8. Be more comfortable in the kitchen
9. Start my own business cross stitching my photography
10. Buy a new family car

* I realized today how much I love my job. I left feeling very stressed about things and came back with an entirely new outlook. Training is going to be all week next week and I have such an amazing feeling about how things are turning out.

* My mom is having surgery on her back tomorrow. Nothing serious, and in all honesty it is a routine surgery. But routine in my family has not always ended well. Almost four years ago my dad's heart stopped during a routine surgery. It was the fault of the anesthesiologist, and I have never really dealt with the feelings about that day. Fortunately, the hell of that month is far behind us and he's a pretty healthy man, but every time one of us has to have surgery it washes up those memories and it's a scary few hours until we get the call that everything is okay.

Monday July 8th

Goal: 1200
Food: 1970
Exercise: -829
Net: 1141

 

Breakfast:
1 Cup Soy Milk (60)
Whole Wheat English Muffin (110)
1/2 Tbsp Creamy Peanut Butter (42)
1/2 Tbsp Boysenberry Spread (10)

Lunch: 
Smart Ones Chicken Parmesan (290)

Snack: Fat Free Tuna Salad Kit (150)
Apple (80)
Swedish Fish (150)
Cookies (300)
Jelly Bellies (130)

Dinner: 
Salmon (288)

Corn on the Cob (140)
Fruit Salad (84)

Dessert:
Pink Moscato (135)

Exercise: 25 Donkey Kicks
2 mile walk, 2 mile intervals- 4.26 miles total, 60 minutes

Calories burned: -829

Positive: It was really hot today, but instead of canceling my scheduled workout, I decided to extend the distance and walk the first half (which was mostly uphill) and run intervals the second half (which was mostly downhill). I still got in a great workout, but I didn't feel like I needed to quit at any point, so I knew that it was enough. Plus I burned over 800 calories again, which is awesome!

The Good: I went crazy between lunch and dinner. I just could not control myself and I am upset with myself because of it. It's day two and on both days I slipped up. BUT... I tracked everything. Every single bite. And I ended both days with calories left over. Now, I don't want to make it a habit to dig myself out of a hole because I couldn't control myself around sweets, but it is nice to know that I am able to make it through the day with some treats on the days that I burn extra calories. Again, I do not want to make it a habit because I should be fueling my body with healthy foods.

The Bad: I keep eating crappy food. I know that I shouldn't, but I have no self control. I know that when I say no that I feel better for showing that strength, but for some reason I cannot resist any treat near me. I need to show some better self control and I need to show it now.

Thoughts: 
* I really think it's time for me to figure out how to treat myself better. After going to the gym last night I laid in bed disappointed. I don't know why. My scheduled workout was 30 minutes stationary bike and 30 minutes elliptical. I did 35 minutes bike and 33 minutes elliptical and I burned 898 calories. Why wouldn't that be enough? I guess I felt like I could have done more, but I have been told (with running at least) that unless it's a race you always want to end a training run feeling like you could have done more. This is partly to try to prevent injury, but I think it's smart. I need to continue to remember this when it's a gym day. At some point, if time permits, I can increase my time at the gym. For now, an hour is more than enough.

* I have decided to be excited about going to work tomorrow. I just got off of the phone with my manager. The approval is in for my promotion and everything will be discussed tomorrow morning regarding that. We are hoping to have someone from our home office come up next week to officially train my coworker and I in our new positions. This is really exciting for both of us since we were both up for this position months ago, we both interviewed and she ended up getting the job. She's my best friend, so in all honesty I was not upset about her getting the job (she had been with the company longer). When I left for my workers' comp medical leave the other employee in that position quit and my boss called me and offered me the position. On my second day on leave.. I must have made a good impression.

* Dinner at my parents is always an awesome experience. Tonight we had salmon, corn on the cob and fresh fruit salad. Delicious!!! And nutritious!

* Blogger currently says I am not following any blogs, which is both frustrating and incredibly irritating. I want to catch up on some other blogs tonight and I can't because I don't have my list. Boo!

* My cat is very cuddly right now. To the point of laying on top of my lap, which is where the keyboard is for the laptop. It is very awkward to type, but I never say no to kitty cuddles. She is definitely a momma's girl.

* I get sushi tomorrow for lunch! Since it's my first day back, my coworker (and best friend) and I are going to go get lunch. I absolutely cannot wait! I love me some sushi.. (it's also already pretracked!)

Sunday July 7th

I decided to start over this morning and in doing so I updated my profile on My Fitness Pal. In doing so I decided to change my weekly goal from losing 1 pound a week to losing 2 pounds a week. This will lower my daily calorie goal from 1540 to 1200. I will also be eating the calories I burn. I think when I was eating 1540 calories I was eating too much, which was why I wasn't losing any weight. That may not be the reason why, but I think it is the most obvious and I feel like this change may be what I need to start seeing the scale move in the right direction.

I will weigh in monthly as well as take measurements monthly. I will also be focusing my food intake on the good healthy guidelines set by Weight Watchers. These include dairy, whole grains, protein, fruits and veggies and water, among a few others. If I can focus on eating healthier foods then I know I can succeed.

I made a workout schedule for this week and hope to stick to it as best as I possibly can. Obviously things may change, but this is what I would like to have happen.

Sunday July 7th: 20 Donkey Kicks, 30 minutes stationary bike, 30 minutes elliptical
Monday July 8th: 25 Donkey Kicks, 30-45 minute interval run
Tuesday July 9th: 30 Donkey Kicks
Wednesday July 10th: 35 Donkey Kicks, 30-45 minute interval run
Thursday July 11th: 40 Donkey Kicks
Friday July 12th: 45 Donkey Kicks, 30 minute stationary bike, 30 minutes elliptical
Saturday July 13th: 50 Donkey Kicks, 5 mile run

I also decided to start Chalene Johnsons 30 Day Push again. I watched the first video yesterday and am feeling dedicated to making it the full 30 days. I have seen a few people make it through the entire program and experience such wonderful changes in their lives that I want to put in the work to get that positive change myself. I made it about 2 weeks last time and am focused to complete it this go around.

Day one was all about getting started and the daily homework was to write down your values, what's important to you, what you want people to know you for, what you want to be remembered for, what the guiding principles in your life are, and what things you feel have a calling to you. It was more difficult than I thought it would be, but I did it. Today I've been working on what my priorities are and I am still trying to make it through that. We'll see how the next 28 days go and if I become more organized and focused on my goals.

Goal: 1200
Food: 1922
Exercise: -898
Net: 1024

Breakfast:
Chobani Flip Cups- Key Lime (180)
Soy milk- Regular Light (60)

Lunch:
Chicken Caesar Salad- dressing on the side (503)

Snack:
1/2 soft pretzel (200)
Swedish fish (150)

Dinner:
Taco Bell Chicken Cantina Bowl (560)
Taco Bell Pink Lemonade Freeze (270)

Exercise:
20 Donkey Kicks
35 minutes Stationary Bike (9.59 miles)
33 minutes Elliptical (2.91 miles)
Calories burned: -898

Positive: I made it through my scheduled workout at the gym. I felt like quitting a few times during both the bike ride and while on the elliptical, but I pushed through and I am really proud of myself for sticking with it.

The Good: I started over today instead of waiting another day. The binge-fest did not need to continue as the vacation is over and it is back to reality. I very easily could have put it off a day and started at the beginning of the week, or better yet I could have waited until the 12th so that my challenge would have ended on our one year anniversary. But I didn't do that, I tracked my food and worked out.

The Bad: I need to go grocery shopping and buy fruits and veggies. I am hoping to do this tomorrow so that I have some healthy foods to bring with me for my lunches for work starting on Tuesday. I know that if I bring healthy foods to snack on and have for lunch then I will have nothing to worry about. As long as I bring only what I'm going to eat for that day then I will be fine. Until I make it to the grocery store to get these healthy foods I am a little stuck searching for foods in our slightly bare cupboards and refrigerator.

Thoughts:
*Donkey kicks are going to do wonders for my backside. I hope... I only had to do 20 on each side today and towards the end of the second set of 10 I could definitely feel the burn. I am looking forward to toning up and getting through a challenge. Getting up to 100 is going to be painful. Painful and so worth it.

*It was nice being able to sleep in this morning. I woke up a few times between 6 am (when Patrick left for work) and when I got out of bed at 8:30 am. After waking up no later than 7 am while on vacation I needed the extra sleep. I can say that I am looking forward to getting up at 6 am when I go back to work on Tuesday. Yes, you read that right. I am looking forward to it. I love having a schedule and going to work every day is the best kind of schedule.

*I am trying to decide if I want to go to the gym before work or after work next week. Since I am only going to be going 2-3 days a week I need to see how busy the gym is when I get home from work before I decide if it's worth it to get up extra early to get in an hour workout, shower at the gym and then go to work on those few occasions.

*It felt great getting back to the gym tonight and I am so glad I went and that I stayed for the entire time scheduled. I also talked to someone about my two free training sessions and am hoping to set those up sometime this week. I received an email last week while on vacation that said the following (mind you while reading this email I totally felt confident in my choice to join this gym):

"As a new member in our club, it is our duty to get you started on the right track to reach your fitness goals. Nothing is more important to us than providing our members with the finest fitness programs.

Body Xchange trainers have been trained extensively for weight loss management, overall fitness performance, muscle toning, athletic training and post rehabilitation exercises. With your membership you will receive two orientation sessions ($120 value).
 

If you are an existing member that has never had the opportunity to work with one of our fitness professionals, please sign up immediately for your two sessions.

Our belief is......"Results cause Motivation", so if you're not getting them we want to help.

Remember one thing: You will not change your health and physique overnight. Be patient and the results are guaranteed. If you are new to exercise, we recommend 2-3 times a week at about 45 minutes each workout if you are able to. If 45 minutes is too much, do what you can and add a few minutes each visit. Within 30 days, you will do just fine. THERE ARE NO MAGIC PILLS!"

 

*I hate doing laundry. HATE IT!

 

*My husband is annoying to live with. I only type this because he just said "I must be really annoying to live with" and because I know he reads my blog occasionally. I am hoping he will read this so that I can see his reaction. Truth be told, he is not annoying to live with.

 

*I already have the outfit I plan on wearing for my first day back to work. I know it is fancier than need be (we are a casual office) but I like dressing up and I feel more confident when I get dressed nicely and put on make up and do my hair. Can't promise I'll be doing my hair, but I am planning on doing my make up.

 

*I am having mixed feelings about going back to work on Tuesday. On one hand I like having the schedule, I'm excited to make my promotion official and to start training for that position and I'm excited to see my coworkers again. But on the other hand I have not made the best use of my three months off of work and I feel like I spent the majority of the time lounging around in a near depression. I am going to desperately miss the time I have been able to spend with Isabel. I never thought I would be the type of person who wanted to be a stay at home mom (at least not full time), but now that I have to go back I don't want to.

 

*I am ready for success. I am ready to allow myself to experience success. I deserve to be successful. I can only get out of this what I put into it. I am so ready to work my ass off (literally) in order to be healthier and more physically fit. I am ready to be in great shape so that training can be easier and so that I can enjoy running again.

Friday June 21st

Not a lot happened today that is of much interest...

I went for my run, completed the 80 squats scheduled for today, went through my arm workout twice and my ab workout twice. I think I'm doing something wrong though. I'm not sore. My thighs aren't sore, my arms aren't sore and my abs aren't sore. I'm either not doing it right or I'm not doing enough reps or not enough weight. I am consistently doing about 45 minutes of cardio followed by almost a half hour of strength training (arms, abs and squats). I know it is doing something, but I hear about people doing a workout and barely being able to lift their arms or laugh or sit. I want that soreness!

My workouts may need to get more intense in the coming weeks. Most likely after our vacation next week.

I cleaned the apartment today. And it already looks like a tornado ran through it. I call that tornado the children... But it at least looked somewhat decent for an hour or so.

And we got our new (used) couches today. They look wonderful and I am excited about the simple fact that they match. Who knew that something so simple could make me so happy. We dipped into our house savings for them, but we couldn't pass up the price for the couch/love seat set and since the couches will come with us when we eventually move into a house it was worth it.

Our small apartment is becoming more and more like home and it makes it more comfortable to call it our home and to realize that we will be here for awhile. Not ideal, but manageable and affordable and right now that's what we need.

My GPS watch died as soon as I pressed start this morning because I forgot to charge it last night. I ran the exact same course as yesterday so I knew the distance, but I don't know the times per mile. It felt slower than normal, but my body felt better at whatever speed I was at. I also made it out the door earlier than normal, which was due to the fact that Patrick had to be up early and I needed to make it back to be home with the kids.

I'm going to try to start getting up earlier and earlier each day so that my body doesn't go into complete shock when I start going back to work at the beginning of July. I would like to continue my early morning runs, which means that in order to be at work by 7:30am, I will need to get up around 5:30 to get in a 45 or so minute run, shower, get dressed and put on my makeup (something I very rarely do, but would like to get into the habit of doing). It's going to be difficult at first, but I think it's something I can easily get in the habit of doing. I mean, getting up at 7ish for the past week hasn't been easy, but it is slowly becoming a routine.

Friday June 21st:
Goal: 1540
Food: 2224
Exercise: -749
Net: 1475

Breakfast:
Whole wheat waffles, peanut butter, coffee, creamer, splenda
Calories: 327

Lunch:
Parmesan crusted chicken breast, 2 hard boiled eggs, grapes, cranberry walnut salad
Calories: 706
Dinner:
Tri Tip, Mac & Cheese, breadstick, tri-tip salad
Calories: 945

Dessert:
Golden spoon yogurt, candy cane Hershey kisses
Calories: 247

Exercise:
1 mile intervals, 1 mile run, 1 mile walk, 80 squats, arm workout x2, ab workout x2
Calories: -749

Positive: I ate a filling lunch so that I wouldn't snack throughout the day before going to dinner with my parents and my in-laws. It was healthy, nutritious and delicious!

Thursday June 20th

I started today the same way I have for about a week, by pressing snooze and having an internal debate about whether or not I should get up and go for my run. And like every morning for about a week I ended up getting up and going.

My calf was cramping up a lot today so I took it nice and easy and didn't worry about how long it would take me. Funny thing is, my interval mile was under 14 minutes. 

Today also marks the 25th day in a row that I have gone out and run. Such a difference in myself. Maybe not as much physically as I'd like, but more so mentally. 

Isabel and I joined my parents at the weekly farmer's market. We still haven't bought any fresh fruits or veggies, but we are greatly enjoying our plants on the patio. It makes it such a nice place to sit in the morning with a cup of coffee or in the evenings with a book.

Tonight we celebrated my sister's mother-in-laws birthday, enjoying sushi for dinner. We are a very lucky family.. My sister and I not only picked wonderful men to marry, but their families are wonderful as well. Not many people like to spend time with their in-laws, but we do and often times we all get together for special occasions. 

I tried out a new skirt tonight. I of course didn't think it looked very good (making my rear side look bigger than it is) but I flaunted it and am using the classic saying " fake it til you make it!" 

Dinner was amazing. If for nothing other than the fact that I LOVE SUSHI! But there were many other reasons to having such a wonderful dinner with such amazing people.

 

The most amazing of them being my mom, who went with me to get my tattoo tonight. I decided to get it now so that there will be enough time between now and when I decide on a surrogate agency. I really do want to be in a healthy weight range before I commit to this and I know that being in a healthy weight range is still another 20 pounds away. If I'm going to do it the healthy weight, then it's going to take awhile.

 

So I chose to do this for me. To celebrate my past running accomplishments and my future running goals. Running is such a huge part of my life and will forever be a time that I want to remember. I am finally allowing myself to be proud of what I have done. And it is to forever be a part of who I am.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My menu sucked today. Like really sucked, even though I had 59 calories left over for the day. I got bored and when I get bored I eat. And so I ate, and ate and ate. I hope I learn better eating habits one day.

 

Thursday June 20th:
Goal: 1540
Food: 2278
Exercise: -797
Net: 1481

Breakfast:
Flips Greek yogurt
Calories: 160

Lunch:
Frozen pizza
Calories: 388

Snack:Dreyer's fruit bar, triscuit, cookies, kettle corn, captain crunch, gushers
Calories: 1230

Dinner:
Sushi- rainbow roll, eel sushi
Calories: 500

Exercise:
1 mile intervals, 1 mile run, 1 mile walk, 75 squats, arm workout x2, ab workout x2
Calories: -797

Positive: I am taking pride in my running accomplishments instead of passing them off like they are nothing. I'm not going to walk around telling everyone, but it's about time I actually realize that I have done something that's pretty cool and something that not a lot of people have done.

 

Wednesday June 19th

I wasn't quite sure what to do with the 1,056 calories I burned this morning. I wasn't really too hungry today so I have decided to hold onto some of them for tomorrow since we are going out to dinner. I'm not sure how I will feel seeing the difference in calories go from 600+ over one day and probably a few hundred in the red tomorrow. But I just need to remember that it is all working itself out in the end.

In shopping news I found a new shirt. It was at a store that I normally don't shop at because the clothes are geared towards a younger crowd, but I did find one shirt that I was drawn towards and I just had to buy it. "Do things with passion or not at all."

 

And I think I finally decided on the tattoo I want to get. Just not sure when. I originally wanted to get "twenty 6 point 2" but I recently saw 26.2 in roman numerals and I really liked the way it looks. I am thinking of the following location and font. "xxvi.ii"

 

And the streak continues. I love coming home from my run to update my mirror. 24 days straight. I am a rockstar and I'm starting to believe it. And Patrick's Woot Woot is great encouragement because I know he will see the updates every day too.

 

Wednesday June 19th:
Goal: 1540
Food: 1990
Exercise: -1056
Net: 934

Breakfast:
Whole wheat waffles, peanut butter, banana, 1/2 cup grapes, coffee, creamer, splenda
Calories: 494

Snack:
2 sugar free caramel apple werther's

Calories: 16

Lunch:
Egg salad sandwich, potato chips, lemon bar
Calories: 640

Dinner:
 Chicken nachos, chips & salsa
Calories: 840

Exercise:
1 mile intervals, 1 mile run, 1 mile walk, 1 mile intervals, 70 squats, arm workout x2, ab workout x2
Calories: -1056

Positive: I wore my HRM for the first time in months and am going to make it a habit to accurately track my calories burned instead of guesstimating.  

Tuesday June 18th

After canceling last Thursday I requested to reschedule with my therapist. Today was her first available appointment and I was so ready for it.

I was able to read my "F" You letter, which was much needed. It felt great to read it and know that I'm done with it. And I have a feeling that at some point soon it will be burned, or torn apart, or some other sentimental ending to that chapter of my life. I still plan on talking to her about certain aspects and healing from things, but I got to get in my say, open up old wounds and actually feel some feelings about what happened. It was necessary and I'm glad I did it.

Tonight we talked again about my body issues and especially my issues with the scale. She suggested I weigh in once a month instead of weekly and I am giving it a lot of thought. It might be something I need in order to learn how to be happy with my body the way it is and not base my happiness on a number. I'm going to think about it and I'll probably make a decision soon.

I woke up early again and got in my 3 mile run, squats, arm workout and ab workout. It felt amazing! I am really excited to have started this early morning workouts. It makes my day seem so much longer and it makes me excited when I get to the end of the day and I realize that I don't have to worry about going out later to get in my run.

I'm not going to lie. This running streak has really made a difference in my self esteem and having my streak written out on my mirror is my way of rooting for myself. I see it everyday and it's my way of showing off. I am proud of this streak and I am excited to keep it going. It's a goal that I've made that I can only see myself succeeding at.

Sunday June 16th:
Goal: 1540
Food: 1769
Exercise: -327
Net: 1442

Breakfast:
Panera asiago bagel with egg, cheese and bacon
Calories: 610

Lunch:
1/2 kids cheese pizza
Calories: 299

Snack:
Lemon fruit popsicle, 2 hard boiled eggs, popcorn
Calories: 330

Dinner:
Chicken taquitos, cranberry walnut salad
Calories: 430

Dessert:
Golden spoon salted caramel frozen yogurt
Calories: 100

Exercise:
1 mile intervals, 1 mile run, 1 mile walk, 65 squats, arm workout, ab workout
Calories: -327

Positive: I am allowing myself to be proud of my running accomplishments as well as putting it out there to brag about.  

Monday June 17th

The most logical thing to do after an upsetting weigh in is to workout, which I did. 4.26 miles to be exact. And then an arm workout and an ab workout.

The next logical thing is to eat like a mad woman.

Oh wait! That's not logical.

But it is what I did. I ended the day with 134 calories left for the day, but with what I ate it ended up not being a good day. And that is, I think, the most frustrating thing about the day. Yes I gained and it was upsetting, but I had two choices 1) Move on and do something positive or 2) Be destructive to my body, in a way punishing myself for what the scale said.

I did both, but instead of focusing on the fact that I did my workout this morning, or that I ended the day with calories left over, I have been obsessing over my menu for the day. I can't go back and change it now. I can only try to remember how I feel right now and avoid doing it again.

I can also focus on the positives. Like how I had a scheduled workout, which I completed and then some. Or that I could have eaten even worse than I did. Or that tomorrow is another day.

Sunday June 16th:
Goal: 1540
Food: 1832
Exercise: -426
Net: 1406

Breakfast:
Whole wheat waffles, peanut butter, banana, coffee, creamer, splenda
Calories: 432

Snack:
Apple
Calories: 80

Lunch:
Fat free tuna salad kit, garden veggie chips
Calories: 1060

Snack:
2 hard boiled eggs, popcorn
Calories: 260

Exercise:
1 mile intervals, 1 mile run, .5 mile walk, 1 mile intervals, .5 mile walk, arm workout x2, ab workout
Calories: -425

Positive: I ended up binging on veggie chips. I have to look at this in a positive way because it could have been a lot worse. A lot worse...

Sunday June 16th

Father's Day is an interesting day emotion-wise for me.

I have an amazing father who has always supported me in good times and bad. Due to his job as a firefighter, he wasn't always there so my sister and I relied a lot on our mom for emotional support, but he was there if needed and his love was something I never doubted was there. I cherished our one-on-one time no matter how few and far between it was. I knew that as long as I tried my best then there was nothing I could do wrong in his eyes.

A few years ago, my dad almost died while in surgery. His heart stopped and they had to shock his heart and perform CPR to bring him back. And then he almost died again a few weeks later with a blood infection and pneumonia.

That was a very difficult time in my life, and if I'm being honest, I don't think I've ever dealt properly with his near death experience...

I can't say that I don't take him for granted since this incident, but I do know that I tell him that I love him more often and I do take the time to spend more time with him.

Another reason that today is interesting for me is because of Isabel. All I want to say about that is, any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad. I couldn't have asked for a better dad for Isabel and I am so glad that Patrick is in our lives. His love and support through some of the most trying times in my life has been greatly appreciated. Watching Patrick with the kids is an amazing sight and I can only hope that these children all grow up realizing what an amazing man they have in their lives.

We celebrated Father's Day the only way we know how... With food! Delicious food. Which of course means that I couldn't control myself and went back for seconds. Tri-tip, homemade mac and cheese, corn bread... Mmmmmm. It was all sooooo yummy!

 

And of course I wouldn't be me if I didn't feel guilty about going back for more. But like I mentioned yesterday, this is just one week on this long journey and if I gain tomorrow then I gain. I need to remember that when I'm on the scale, and I'm not sure if I'll feel this positive about it all then.

 

I did indulge in half a cupcake because I had to know how they tasted.. I believe they turned out really well and I got a lot of compliments on them. I have a sneaky suspicion that the candy in the middle cupcakes will be making another appearance soon! Possibly with Rolo's next time.

 

 

It did take a bit of a push to get myself out the door tonight for my 1 mile run. But I knew that I had to do it because today marks the 3 week mark. And I ran right past the halfway mark in this Runner's World Running Streak two days ago without even realizing it. I can see the end in sight, but again I think I might have to run right past it and just make it a habit of going daily. I should have just gone for the run this morning after finishing day 9 of my squat challenge, but I started baking instead and, well the rest is just excuses.

Sunday June 16th:
Goal: 1540
Food: 1843
Exercise: -118
Net: 1725

Breakfast:
Whole wheat waffles, peanut butter, banana
Calories: 360

Lunch:
Apple blue pecan salad, buffalo chicken breast bites
Calories: 483

Dinner:
Quick Add Calories
Calories: 1000

Exercise:
1 mile run, squats
Calories: -118

Positive: I ended the week 258 net calories under goal. I think this is great progress after ending last week in the red by 246 calories. No matter what the scale says, I am making huge changes and I feel good, which is so much more important than a number.

Saturday June 15th

Before I went for my run this morning I stepped on the scale and peeked. I was doing so well staying off of the scale, but for some reason I just couldn't resist this morning. The results?

I was up 0.8 from last week.

And after eating sushi last night (which includes soy sauce) I have no doubt that the sodium is a culprit in the scales increase.

I've eaten well this week. I've exercised. I've lived my life. And I'm okay with that gain. Then again, that's not the final number for this week so there's still hope that I can bring it back down. It all depends on tomorrow...

You see, tomorrow is Father's Day and that means dinner with the family. There will be lots of food and I may need to use a few calories on the S'mores cupcakes I am making tomorrow. But in the grand scheme of things, this is just one week out of the year. And if I do gain this week then I gain. It's not the end of the world and it's not the end of my journey.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Because the number on the scale today does not mean a thing.

Today was a busy day. It started bright and early with my 3.24 mile run. Then I walked 1.14 miles to my sister's mother-in-laws house to be picked up by my mom to go the catch the train to the bee farm. When we got back we made our way to the park near our apartment to see the Spazmatics (an 80's cover band) at the free concert in the park.

It's been a long day and I'm exhausted... Enjoy some visuals from today.

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday June 15th:
Goal: 1540
Food: 1933
Exercise: -440
Net: 1493

Breakfast:
Whole wheat waffles, peanut butter, banana, coffee, creamer, splenda
Calories: 432

Lunch:
100 calorie pringles, payday
Calories: 340

Snack:
Honey mustard & onion pretzels
Calories: 140

Dinner:
Baja fresh- fish tacos, rice, beans, chips, queso, vodka soda
Calories: 1021

Exercise:
 2 mile intervals, 1 mile run, squats
Calories: -440

Positive: I made some decent choices for today considering there weren't many healthy options. I never felt too full or too hungry. I felt satisfied throughout the day.