Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself

1. I am thankful that I plan ahead. I don't usually like to leave things until the last minute (although I have been known to procrastinate) and I like that I usually come up with a plan for things ahead of time. Whether I follow through with those plans or not is a completely different thing.

2. I am thankful that I keep pushing on when I don't necessarily want to because I'm not seeing the changes I wish to see. My body is not really changing the ways that I thought it would or want it to and it's frustrating at times. Instead of giving up though I am continuing to push forward because I know that these changes do not happen over night and if I want to improve my body then I need to continue to workout. At some point my body will start to change and I will notice it more than I am now.

3. I am thankful that I have a supportive family that allow me to go out for my weekday runs. It would be very easy for me to skip these runs because of family obligations, however because I have an amazing husband and awesome parents I am able to fit in a 30-60 minute run 2-3 days of the week and a long run on the weekend. I think they see how  happy running makes me.

4. I am thankful that I have a hobby that makes me happy and that makes me healthy. I don't push myself to try things that I don't like because I know that I get more out of things that make me happy. Running makes me happy and I have often times found myself laying in bed at night after a day that I run and just smile. I love running, not always while I'm doing it or as I'm lacing up my shoes to go for the run, but it is definitely my passion and I really hope that I am able to do it for a long time.

5. I am thankful that I bought two books to help me better understand intuitive eating and my body image. I really think that this is going to be such a positive thing for me and I am really happy that I am no longer wrapped up in my weight, the scale and counting calories. I feel hopeful and positive about my body and am able to spend time focusing on so many other things.

Five things I am thankful for in life

1. I am thankful that I have a beautiful, intelligent and kind daughter. She is sensitive, like me, and I love that I am able to have all of these wonderful moments with her. I often times find myself wondering how someone can leave their child (and grandchild for that matter) and not see them for over 4 and a half years now and just not care. They have all missed out on so many things. I get in my head and think about these things for too long and finally have to take a step back and realize that they may have missed out on these moments, but I didn't. I know her favorite things and I am able to provide for her. I've been there for every birthday, every Christmas, every laugh and every cry. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

2. I am thankful that I have a friend that supports me and my running obsession, and who has now begun her own love for it. I am so incredibly proud of her for deciding to start running and to stick with it even when it got difficult. Her goals are reasonable and I absolutely cannot wait to cross the finish line of her first 5K with her on the 21st. She is going to be great and I hope that this is something we can do together often. I'm really glad that the issues with her shins have begun to improve and I know that the right shoes and her positive attitude will take her so many places.

3. I am thankful that I have been writing in Isabel's journal. It makes me really happy to think that one day I will be able to give her a handful of notebooks that I have filled with quotes and photos and entries about the cute things that she has done and said. I think that it will be really meaningful to give to her when she graduates from college so that she can read through it and see how much she means to me (not that I don't plan on telling her and showing her throughout the years). I have been enjoying it so far and have 11-12 years left!

4. I am thankful that Patrick is so appreciative of the concert tickets I bought for him. He is so excited to go to see Iron Maiden and Megadeth tomorrow and his excitement is making me excited to go. It's definitely not my music and I may or may not be dreading the idea of standing outside in the sun for 8 hours, but it is so worth it just to see him smile.

5. I am thankful that Patrick and I were able to donate money to a good cause last night. A friend from the online community I frequent posted recently about a friend of the family. Her friends two and half year old son was diagnosed with AML (Acute Myeloid Leukemia). They are going to be participating in a walk in October and are fundraising to donate to the hospital that he has been in for his treatments. I wasn't able to donate as much as I would have liked, but I know that it will bring the group one step closer to their fundraising goal.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

November 2, 1999- Freshman year of High School.

I found these pictures in the photo album my mom made me. I have always loved the first picture and have wanted to put it up for motivation. I look happy and I truly loved playing volleyball in high school. Then I injured my knee and had to stop playing after two years.

Being tall definitely had it's advantages and I am somewhat regretting the fact that I didn't continue to play a sport or stick with a healthy routine after I stopped playing.

Confessions of a Running Mom

I started Christmas shopping this past weekend.

I have been wanting to start for awhile, but knew that it was way too early. Then while running on Saturday I decided that it was about that time to start. We're just over 3 months away and I really do not want a repeat of what happened last year.

Last year Patrick and I were financially struggling. We both had debt and we didn't have any extra money to spend on our families and friends. It was embarrassing and pretty upsetting to not be able to celebrate the way I wanted to.

I know that our families don't care whether we bring them gifts or not. There's not one person in our family that I can think of that is that materialistic. However, it is frustrating to go celebrate and receive gifts that people have spent time and money on and simply hand over a gift card.

The year before last I went way over the top. To the point of surpassing our agreed upon budget by close to $1000. At that time Patrick and I had our finances separate as we were not married yet and it took me close to 6 months to admit that I had over spent and put myself into more debt so that I could buy things. I didn't ask him to pay me back, but it did cause a discussion to happen for last years Christmas so that we would stick to our budget.

Our finances were separate last year as well. From what I remember I do believe that we stayed extremely close to our agreed upon budget. And then I decided that I wanted to open a savings account specifically to save for Christmas. We would transfer $25 a paycheck to that savings account and by the time Christmas rolled around we would have an extra $600 saved away. It would feel like less of a financial burden and I would be able to have more fun this year shopping for our family and friends.

The only thing I like more than shopping for myself is shopping for other people.

I made our list of friends and family that we need to shop for this year and our list is HUGE. I'm sure it's not as bad as most people's but we have decided to expand just a little to include more of our family this year. In expanding our list we will be getting each person something smaller or homemade, but we will still be spreading the Christmas joy.

I decided to start early because I don't like waiting until the last minute. It causes anxiety that I feel I can prevent. So I decided to start with Target, TJMaxx and Michael's. I also plan on going to Home Goods and Marshall's soon. I think that these stores tend to get new merchandise weekly and if I go once a month I should be able to find good products for everyone on our list for less.

The bonus kids only want cash this Christmas, so I am trying to find them little things here and there (mainly clothing) and then find creative ways to gift them money. I don't want to simply hand over an envelope, so I have been searching pinterest for ideas. There are some pretty cute pins.

Isabel should be the easiest to shop for. She's still young enough that toys, clothes, basically anything really is still exciting. I am contemplating going a little over the top and buying her an iPod touch so that she can stop bothering Leah to play on hers, but I am a little worried that she's too young and will end up losing it.

I just have so many ideas for everyone, so it's going to be a lot of fun getting everything together, especially the DIY gifts. I am glad that I am giving myself plenty of time to get all of those done because there are quite a few.

Patrick thinks I'm taking on too much, but as long as I stay organized and keep a list (and check it twice) then I should be okay. I am so grateful that he is showing his appreciation as well. It's nice to be recognized for the little things I do and I know that this is not his forte. I love that man, but I do not know how he can go out on December 24th to do his shopping (and he only has one person to shop for!)

Running Recap

I am in love...

My new GPS watch is AMAZING! I was pretty disappointed when my watch died and decided pretty quickly on a new one. These decisions normally take me weeks, if not months, so to be so happy with a decision that took me only a couple hours is pretty awesome.

I've used it for every walk and run since getting it on Friday and it is so cool.

I really like that something so small has 1. Already paid for itself and 2. Pushes me to go out even when I don't want to.

The weather has pretty much sucked all week long. I usually get to work around 7am on the mornings when I do not take Isabel to school and it's already 75 or higher. There have been multiple days this week where the weather has gone over 100 degrees.

Fall... Where are you?

I really am trying to not let the weather be a factor into whether or not I get my run in for the day. I know my limits (or at least I think I do, whether I listen is another factor completely).

Tuesday was my first run for the week and I told myself to go slower than normal because of the heat and the course. I ended up faster than any run I've recently run.

Distance: 2.14mi
Time: 25:05
Avg Pace: 11:42
Elevation Gain: 369ft
Mile 1- 11:45
Mile 2- 11:22
Mile 0.14- 1:56
Temperature: 81*, 66% humidity

I didn't feel like I was going that fast while I was running, but I could feel it when I finished. The first mile was a lot faster than I had planned and since it was mostly uphill I pushed myself the second mile in order to be faster than the first.

I ran again on Thursday. It was another hot day so I decided to wait until after dinner to let it cool down a little. Not the smartest decision I've ever made. In fact, I think running after dinner was worse than the heat. But I made it and I was definitely riding the endorphin high afterwards.

Distance: 2.63mi
Time: 32:27
Avg Pace: 12:19
Elevation Gain: 369ft
Mile 1- 12:27
Mile 2- 12:05
Mile 0.63- 7:54
Temperature: 82*, 55% humidity

Saturday's run was a scheduled 4 mile run and I was really looking forward to it. Since Patrick had to work I ran around my parents neighborhood while they watched Isabel. Their neighborhood = hills. Rachel decided to pass up running with me this weekend because of the hills and Lorien was going to go be fitted for proper shoes today since she has been having shin problems.

I stuck with my 1:1 intervals and although it was tough getting through the first two miles since it was mostly uphill I made it through and getting to the top was amazing. I felt so good that the last two miles flew by. That could also be because it was mostly downhill...

I'm thinking of increasing my intervals to 1:15:1 next week, so we'll see how that works out. I am really into watching myself improve and I am happy that I am pushing myself to go farther and faster and longer rather than just stick to what I'm comfortable doing.

Distance: 4.22mi
Time: 53.31
Avg Pace: 12:41
Elevation Gain: 366ft
Mile 1- 13:14
Mile 2- 13:09
Mile 3- 12:17
Mile 4- 11:56
Mile 0.22- 2:53
Temperature: 68*, 94% humidity

Pictures while on my run 9/7

 

 

 

Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself

1. I am thankful that I am trying to become a more organized person. I am at the point in my life where I want everything to have a place and for everything to be picked up and put away by the end of the day. It may not always happen and I may not always enforce it, but it's what I mentally want to have happen and I think I am attempting to take the steps necessary to make it happen (getting rid of things I do not want/need/use as well as making a chore chart so that Patrick and I feel equal and both participate).

2. I am thankful that I am physically active. I may not always do the workouts I have scheduled or even get in as many as I would like, but I am active and I always feel good and enjoy the endorphins after a good workout. Even simply getting through 5 days of the squats challenge has shown me that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for and I am really enjoying the sore thighs and rear end already.

3. I am thankful that I am willing to put my training on the back burner for others. Sometimes I am able to get in my alone training just for me and I am so grateful for those runs, but I am also so happy to run with other people and to spread the love I have of running to others. Sometimes it's important for me to focus on my run and the things I need to make it through, but most of the time I am so much more interested in seeing other people succeed and reach their goals.

4. I am thankful that I am still excited about our finances and that things are going fairly well. We have been able to make it each week with a little left over. Not much, but enough to feel like there is a bit of a safety net. This paycheck and last paycheck we were even able to transfer extra over to our house savings. We're making progress and that's the important part. I'm also really excited because we are making progress in paying off the rest of Patrick's debt and should be done paying it off by this time next year (if not sooner!)

5. I am thankful that I am feeling sore from the squat challenge. It seems silly because today is only day 5 and I will only be doing 40 squats today, but for some reason it feels different this time around. I think it's because I am taking my time each squat and getting down lower as well as focusing on the movement instead of just getting it done to say it's done. I like feeling sore when I feel like I've earned it.

Five things I am thankful for in life

1. I am thankful that I have had a job with the same company for 3 years. My official anniversary date is September 20th, but I should be receiving my bonus check anytime between now and that date. My goal about a year ago (when things weren't going so well at the office due to people who have bad attitudes and negative personalities) my goal was to make it to the three year mark in order to receive my bonus and because I think that's a good amount of time to be with a company before starting to look for a new job. Well, I've made it. I'll be receiving my bonus. I was recently promoted. And that negative person is no longer working here. Although it would be helpful to make more money, Patrick and I aren't that bad off and if needed I could try to find something so that I can work from home to make a few extra dollars a month to help. I think that it would be worth it right now to stay where I'm at because what I've seen in the want ad's are not offering close to what I make now.

2. I am still thankful for my wonderful parents. I do not know what we would do without them and we are so incredibly lucky. My mom picks up Isabel every day from school unless Patrick is off of work and it is so comforting to know that she's with someone we know, love and trust. She then has to go back to the same school to pick up my niece and her two friends, take her friends to the Boys and Girls Club. It's a lot of driving and a lot of stress, especially when the girls don't get along (which is more often than not). I feel as though my parents did a pretty good job raising my sister and I. We've never had trouble with the law, we've never done drugs, we made mistakes but learned and grew from them, we both have decent jobs and we are both married to pretty awesome men. My parents raised us into good people and I know that their influence on Isabel will help her become a good person as well.

3. I am thankful that I have my new GPS watch. It is amazing and I love uploading my workouts onto my computer. I didn't know that my other GPS watch could do the same and I was able to get it to work for a short amount of time to download those past workouts. I don't want to take this watch off because it doubles as a regular watch. I use it for every walk and/or run so that I can keep track of my progress. I love when something so simple can push you to workout longer and harder. I want to keep seeing the miles increase and the speed increase and every thing else that it offers to track is just icing on top of a pretty sweet cake.

4. I am thankful that we are going to be having a garage sale sometime soon (not quite sure when). We have already started going through our apartment to get rid of the things that we no longer want/need/use and I just downloaded a declutter calander (password: iamorganized) to make sure we get through the entire apartment and really end up getting rid of the unnecessary items as well as clean/organize what we keep. I am excited for this project and even more excited for the money we may make to put towards debt and savings. Most likely (depending on how much we make) we will put a third towards our past (debt), a third towards our future (savings) and a third towards the present (a night out).

5. This week I am most thankful for my husband. On Sunday we had quite a scare and I would really like to never experience anything like it again. Patrick has had a neck problem for as long as I have known him and it has gone on before that. He recently started seeing a doctor for the problem because it finally became unmanageable. On Sunday the pain was more than he could bare, so he decided to take two muscle relaxers. Unfortunately he had also been out in the heat, he didn't have enough to eat and he had a beer. The mixture of everything caused him to almost pass out, become extremely jittery, slur his words and have a difficult time focusing and responding, and all around scare the living day lights out of me. I was not aware of all of the factors when the symptoms first came on and I would have sworn I thought he was having a stroke. An ambulance ride, 5 hours in the ER and an IV of fluids later and he became the man I know. They did do a scan of his head to make sure it was not a stroke (which scared me even more when they thought it could be a reason to the behavior), but thankfully that came back clear. I love this man so much, and the thought of losing him was almost more than I could bare. Thankfully he is alright though and we did have an appointment with his doctor to go over the MRI results. As of right now he needs to focus on taking his anti-inflammatory twice a day, icing his neck every day and using heat every night. He will be starting physical therapy soon. If that doesn't help then most likely he will see a surgeon. Fingers crossed that the physical therapy helps and that he follows through doing what he needs to do.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

 February 2009- Isabel's one year pictures

I had a friend of mine take pictures a few weeks before Isabel's first birthday so that I would have some new pictures of her to put up for the family to see. I know that at that time I was concerned that I hadn't lost all of the baby weight and that I would be doomed to carry it around with me forever.

I did eventually lose what I had gained and then some. And then it quickly came back on.

But looking at these pictures now, four and a half years later I don't see my weight. I'm not looking at my body. I'm looking at my smile and how in love I am with a little girl that makes any room she walks into brighter. She has been such a bundle of joy since the day she was born and I cannot believe how she has changed since the day she was born and how she has changed my life.

Confessions of a Running Mom

I have often had the internal debate as to whether or not I am a good mother. I tend to lean toward not, but that's because I hold myself up to too high of a standard.

I see stories of so many other women who do things "right". They don't fall asleep while their child is watching cartoons. They don't allow their child to cry themselves to sleep while they are crying themselves to sleep. They know exactly what their child needs before they need it and they do it with style and grace.

Yeah, that's not realistic. Every child is different and every mother is different too and when you have a child you learn along the way.

I know that having a child is much different than having a niece or a nephew, but in all honesty I think that I learned a lot from being an aunt. I learned that children fall and bounce back up and that it's usually when you show them attention and baby them that they start to cry. I learned that formula isn't going to harm your child. I learned that you're going to raise your voice, you're going to cry, you're going to want to run away.

And you're going to want to hold your child as close to you for as long as you can.

Being a good mom, to me, means:

Giving multiple warnings before administering a punishment.

Letting your child win. Most of the time.

Bribing your child with dessert so that they will eat all of their dinner.

Listening with no distractions when they tell you the most repetitive sentence ever.

Singing along to The Fresh Beat Band. And seeing them in concert more times than you have seen any of your favorite bands.

Watching Disney movies more times than you care to admit and being able to say line for line the entire movie.

Knowing where their favorite blanket or stuffed animal is at all times.

Killing spiders even when you are deathly afraid of them.

Making funny faces and not being afraid to look a damn fool in front of other people in order to make your child laugh.

Feeling overwhelmed the majority of the time.

You are constantly juggling too many things at once, but some how managing to do it.

You will finally understand your own mother and most likely apologize at some point for your own behavior as a child.

Worrying obsessively about whether or not you are doing the right thing.

Being a little late to work because she woke up and wanted you to stay home so you had to explain for the hundredth time why you have to leave every day to work.

Hearing "One last hug and kiss" seven times before it actually is the last one.

Never wanting to say goodbye.

Realizing you time is just as important as time together and that as long as you are able to find a balance there is no reason to feel guilty.

Always feeling overwhelmed and guilty even if there is a good balance.

Wondering what they are doing at school and if they are behaving.

Having a nickname for them that is special and meaningful.

Loving them so deeply that it hurts.

There are so many more reasons and things that make someone a good parent. These are just the ones I thought of now that make me feel like a good parent. They change daily and something new is added pretty much daily as well.

My daughter is my world. I love her and am so grateful that she is a part of my life. It would not be as amazing as it is without her. She is constantly surprising me and it is incredible to be able to see the world through her eyes.

I am excited to one day grow our family and to bring more love into our lives.

I am a very lucky woman, wife, daughter, sister, bonus (step) mom and mother. 

Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself

1. I am thankful that I allow myself to adjust to my wants and needs. My weigh loss/fitness/eating goals and habits change often. One week I am at the gym 6 days and counting calories while the next week I am eating what I want and not going to the gym at all. I have learned that it's okay to do what's right for me in the moment and to just make the best choices with the information I have at hand. Right now, for example, I'm trying to eat healthier options and to stop eating when I am satisfied while working out 3-5 days a week (sometimes twice a day if need be). It's what's working for me right now while balancing family, work and my health goals.
2. I am thankful that I am interested in improving my health. It would be way to easy for me to say F it and just give up, eat all the things and never workout. I've done that on a few occasions and I realized that it doesn't make me happy to eat whatever I want. I makes me happy to feel good about myself and to not feel sluggish or sick to my stomach more often than not. I may not ever have my "ideal" body (whatever that may be) but I can feel good about myself at whatever size as long as I am doing the right things.
3. I am thankful that I enjoy my job and that I do a good job doing it. It may not be the job that I always dreamed of having growing up, but it is the next best thing. I love working at a desk in front of a computer and basically doing data entry. There's more to my job then that, but it sums it up easily... I am a quick learner and am thankful for the opportunity to be in a field that I had no experience in and that I had a chance to grow in. I may not make as much money as I'd like (or think I deserve), but it's a good job and I've been here for almost 3 years.
4. I am thankful that I have a fairly good handle on our finances. I have really been enjoying being the one to manage our money and I think that I'm doing a decent job at it. So far we have been able to put extra money into our house savings (not much, but some and right now every little bit counts). I have never been the type of person to want a lot, but I have always looked forward to being comfortable. I have been known to have a hate/hate relationship with money and now that we are combined it is a lot different. I balanced our checkbook after payday and realized that we would actually have some money left over and have been impatiently waiting for the bills to come so I can pay them. That's not like me at all and I like this me a lot better when it comes to money.
5. I am thankful that I can look in the mirror and point out positives in my body. Not every time, but more often than before so that's been a nice change of pace. I don't always see or feel the need to point out the negatives I see, but instead I can look and occasionally point out my stomach and see that it is slimming down, or my thighs and see that they too are becoming stronger. It's a huge step in the right direction.

Five things I am thankful for in life

1. I am thankful that my parents let me run before I pick up Isabel from their house. Some nights I have to fit in a workout where I can and in order to train properly I need to fit in two weekday runs that last anywhere from 30-45 minutes. Some nights I am able to get out there and go for the full 45 minutes, but other nights I can only do a quick run. I'm usually okay with that (especially with the hot weather we have been experiencing) but sometimes it doesn't seem worth it to go any less than 3 miles. Regardless, I do have to get in the minimum amount of time per week because it helps tremendously on the weekend long distance training run. This week I've had to run on the nights that Patrick has had to close at work, meaning I have to run before I pick up Isabel. They are very easy going and know that it's important to me, so they don't have a problem letting me run first.
2. I am thankful that my parents started a savings account for me to go to college. It didn't stop me from applying for scholarships through my high school and it didn't stop me from dropping classes. I made stupid choices, but I still went to college and got my AA. I so wish I wouldn't have screwed around and would have gone onto a 4-year college to get a BS and who knows where I would be if I had done that, but then again I'm happy where I am now. The point of this is that my parents were able to help me go to college and I will be grateful to them for that. In doing so I knew that I wanted to be able to help my children go to college as well and even though I probably won't be able to pay for the whole thing like they did I will be able to help and I love that. Isabel has had an account since birth and my step children's accounts were started about a year before Patrick and I got married.
3. I am thankful that I am getting healthy and trying to get my eating habits under control now. I know a lot of people tend to have a specific date or occasion in mind to motivate them to lose weight: summer, a reunion, a wedding, etc. For me it's the holiday's. I want to get into the habit of eating well and listening to my hunger signals now so that when Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas come around I will be able to enjoy myself but not regret any of my food decisions.
4. I am thankful that my husband appreciates me. I am fully aware that I have a lot of improving to do as a person, as a mother and especially as a wife but I am trying. I need to learn patience when it comes to my marriage. I feel as though I have patience for other areas of my life including Isabel and work, but when it comes to him I am quick to get upset. That's not fair to him. We both have improvements to do and we are working on that together. I am just grateful that when I do things to help (like clean the entire apartment while he's at work or make dinner- which if you knew me is HUGE) he is thankful and takes the time to tell me how much he appreciates it.
5. I am thankful that we are planning on having a garage sale. It is difficult to part with some things (like my size 8 jeans) but it's important to clear out the unnecessary stuff that we don't use and don't need. It's going to be really nice to have space for the things we do want and need as well as some extra money that will be used for our house savings and for getting Patrick out of debt (he is so close!). I am also going to be going through Isabel's stuff and getting rid of some of her things because she has a ridiculous amount of stuff. All of the money she makes from her items will go into her college savings account.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

May 2012- Open House at our Wedding Venue

We were invited to come to our wedding venue to taste food and to see the location all done up. I was in the process of losing weight for the wedding and from the pictures I think I look great. Of course at that time I was still too big.

That was a fun evening. Both of our mom's came with us as well as my best friend. It was there that I realized they stole my idea to do s'mores for dessert (our wedding favor) and I attempted to get something for free but failed. We were the first couple to have a fire pit and roast marshmallows for s'mores at the venue. What can I say? I'm full of great ideas and I truly believe I threw a great wedding.

Confessions of a Running Mom

Last Wednesday I received a call from my mom after she picked up my daughter from school. I wait ever so impatiently by my phone at work at 12:55 to get a call from her to tell me how school was. I desperately wish I could be there to pick her up. I don't ever see that happening.

My mom told me that when she was let out of class the teacher motioned for her to come to the class room instead of waiting for Isabel by the gate like she had been since the second day of school (mind you, this was only the third day of school).

My reaction to her telling the story was the same as hers was. "Oh dear lord, what has my child done today.."

I don't give her enough credit.. You see, the teacher called my mom over so that she could talk to her about moving Isabel up to first grade. In fact, she believes that she would do well in second grade, however socially she should only be moved up a grade. She's already in the kindergarten/first grade split class so she would stay in the same class. She needed to find out how we felt about this before doing assessments with Isabel, speaking to the principal and having a psychological evaluation done.

We are, of course, ecstatic about this. Three days. That's all it took for the teacher to realize that she is advanced. It's incredible and beyond belief. Moving her up would do such great things for her educationally. And in all honesty, I think that she does better socially when she is with older kids as well.

That would be, what I like to call, my bad. I don't really think she knows how to act around kids her age who are just acting like normal 5 year old because she is so used to being around older kids (ages 9-13) and adults her entire life. Even when she was in preschool and pre-k she would often times read to the kids if the teachers were doing something else instead of playing with them.

I do not know how she got to be so smart. I rarely give myself any credit, usually putting focus on the age difference between Isabel and her cousin Emma. Since Rachel and I both work full-time it is our mom who does much of the child care while we are away. Because of this the girls were around each other a lot when Isabel was a baby. Emma was just starting kindergarten when Isabel was around one and I am a firm believer that children's minds are like sponges.

There is no doubt in my mind that Isabel learned a lot by listening to Emma do the alphabet and learn to read. She was there absorbing it all and I put the credit there. It is why Isabel can take a third grade spelling test and only miss one word.

Of course, I'm sure it has a lot to do with me as well. I mean, there has to be some scientific DNA mumbo jumbo involved. I can guarantee that it did not all come from her biological fathers side of the family, but then again I'm no braniac either.

I did read to her when she was younger. And when she wanted to learn how to read I did the first thing that came to mind. I pointed to the word, read it out loud and had her repeat the word. That's how we read books for awhile. It took us longer to get through the book but it was time well spent together. It really is no wonder she could pick up a book when she was two and read it cover to cover.

The important thing though was when we would ask her questions about the book and she could tell us what happened. She wasn't just memorizing, she was comprehending.

It didn't really hit us until her pre-k teacher pulled us aside after class one day and told us that she was "gifted" and that it would be a good idea to pick up a book about raising gifted children and have her tested. Testing = $$$ though, which was not an option at the time, but we started reading a book about it and did some research on the subject.

Our best option was to speak with her pediatrician when we took her for her check up before school started. She was quite taken away by how advanced she was and suggested speaking to the principal at the school to find out what the best route would be for her. I didn't want to be "that" parent that thinks her child is smarter than any other student in the school and I definitely didn't want to over step my boundaries, but it was a call I had to make.

I didn't receive much of a response other than the child could be moved up to a certain grade for certain subjects. If the child was advanced in reading then they would stay in kindergarten until reading time and then would be taken to the first grade class to read.

Then the principal moved to another school and a new principal came to our school. I briefly met him at orientation but didn't speak directly with him. It was a pleasant surprise when Isabel was placed in the kindergarten/first grade split class because I truly believed that it would help her in the long run. And it helped that her teacher was Emma's teacher when she was in kindergarten. She recognized both myself and my mom and I was able to mention to her that we were excited about her placement and that she has been reading for quite some time.

My fear was not that she wouldn't learn being in kindergarten, my fear would be that she would finish an assignment and get in trouble because she was bored. Thankfully that does not seem to be the case and I have heard that she sits at her desk while in class.

We are still waiting to hear if she will be moved up or not, but her teacher is 99% sure that she will be.

It took me almost a week to figure out my emotions and I'm still a little jumbled.

Basically I have gone from straight panic and fear to excitement to relief to panic again. I am her mother and I will always worry about her whether she's five and being moved up to the next grade or whether she is seventeen and having her heart broken for the first time. It's my job as her mom.

I think my main fear right now is regarding the friends she has made and trying to explain to her why she can't play with them anymore. Kindergartners are separated from the upper classes and she is used to going to a certain place and playing with certain people. Yes, I realize she's only been doing this for a week so it's not really logical for me to stress about that when she is a social butterfly and will make new friends, but still. That's what I'm concerned about.

And I know that education > friends, but it's still important to have those relationships. Some of the best friendships start at that young age. But there are plenty of other children who she can become friends with and I am worrying about absolutely nothing.

I just got used to the idea of having a child in kindergarten.. Now I have to get used to the idea of having a child in first grade.

Emotional... Roller coaster...

Weekend Recap

This past week has been an interesting one in regards to working out. In fact, besides a run on Monday and a run on Thursday, working out this week has been non-existent.

I feel weird about not going to the gym. It was part of my routine and then it just stopped, which worries me with what will happen when I try to get back into it tomorrow. I can only assume I will be tired and not as excited about it right away. My miles are also behind for the bike and elliptical. That is kind of frustrating but it's no ones fault but my own. I just don't like trying to play catch up and always feel behind. Which makes me want to restart this whole thing in January to make it easier to track.

I don't feel guilty though. I really don't. I mean, it sucks that I did next to nothing, but at the same time I have a good reason.

My family.

They are my number one priority and I will always ALWAYS choose them over anyone and anything else. This was the first week of school for Isabel and since Patrick had to open every day except Friday I was able to take her to school. Of course that meant that I couldn't get up before work and go to the gym because I was up with Isabel getting her ready. And of course going in late to work means going home late as well. It just was not worth it to me to get home at 6pm and go to the gym for an hour, leaving a half hour to spend time with my daughter before she goes to bed.

I would much rather spend that time with her than at the gym. It doesn't matter that my mile goals for the bike and elliptical will be put on hold and it doesn't matter that my workout efforts were close to zero. I spent time with my daughter and it was so worth it.

Thankfully Patrick's schedule is a little easier for me to get in some workouts next week. Unfortunately it means that I won't see him as often as I would like. I will be able to make it to the gym every morning before work except for Wednesday. Now I just need to retrain my body to get up at 4:30am.

This weekend wasn't a complete bust though. I did clean the entire apartment Saturday while Patrick was at work. I deep cleaned the kitchen and got through every single room. Picked up, dusted and vacuumed. There were some things I wish I would have been able to get to (some redecorating) but that wasn't necessary and by the time he got home he was pleasantly surprised with how the apartment looked. We both feel so much better when we have a clean apartment, but unfortunately it doesn't stay that way for very long. Not with a 5 year old tornado.

Today was swap meet day in the valley and my mom, niece, Isabel and I got up early in order to go. I have never left this particular swap meet empty handed and for a $2 entry fee it is totally worth it. I usually don't go with a specific item in mind to look for, which makes it more exciting when you can find something you want. I tend to find something, think of a top price I would pay for it and then either ask or look at the price. If it's higher I walk away (or haggle depending on how close it is to that price) and if it's that price or under I buy it.

Today I found two items that I wanted for my patio. I am quickly losing room to put plants out there (I blame Patrick's barbecue), but having plants out there makes me feel more relaxed and it's nice to have a cup of coffee out there in the morning or a glass of wine and a good book in the evenings. I cannot wait until I have a backyard with more room to decorate.

Isabel and I spent a little time out on the patio after I placed my new items out there. She blew bubbles and I finally took some pictures of Patrick's jalapeno and bell peppers. He bought the plants when they were about an eighth of the size for $1 at the farmer's market. They are incredible and he definitely has the green thumb in this family. I am able to keep my succulents alive, but that's not saying much...

I am hoping to get back into working out next week, but without the need to get in a certain amount of miles I may branch out and start using the weight machines more. I am ready to get back to eating right and exercising in order to tone up and slim down. We shall see what happens. No pressure means that it should be more enjoyable.

 

 

Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself

1. I am thankful for my smile. Lately I've just been feeling so much more positive and in feeling that way I have been smiling a lot more. I feel better when I'm smiling and (according to Patrick) I am more beautiful when I smile (not that I'm not beautiful when I don't smile...) I like smiling and I like laughing and I like feeling positive.
2. I am thankful that I think ahead when it comes to work. My best friend and coworker are always thinking ahead and trying to help people. This means more work for us, but it really feels nice to help someone. The office dynamic wasn't always like this and she and I rarely got the help we needed, so we vowed to never treat those under us the way we were treated.
3. I am thankful for my flexibility when it comes to working out. I have not made it to the gym at all this week and besides walking and running I have done nothing workout related. I'm not worried, stressed or upset at myself about it though because I am putting my family first and that's a good reason. Plus I'll be at the gym all weekend and next week will be a more normal week.
4. I am thankful that I am not concerned with the scale. After getting rid of it my attitude completely changed about my body. Obviously I'm not just going to suddenly love something I despised so much just because I don't know the number anymore, but I am accepting it and that feels great!
5. I am thankful for my creativity. Although I haven't been able to work on my crafts as much as I would like (financial and time play a factor) I think I have finally found the right way to make them so that they will look their best and hopefully I can start selling them soon.

Five things I am thankful for in life

1. I am thankful for my beautiful and intelligent daughter. Three days into kindergarten and the teacher wants to bump her up to second grade. Unfortunately she can't, so she will be talking to the principle about having her stay in the kindergarten/first grade split class but being a first grader. I am a ball of emotions about this (mostly good). I know it's a good thing, but I'm a mother, I worry. We'll see what happens...
2. I am thankful for bonuses at work. Although the bonus was not as much as I anticipated, it is still extra money that I normally wouldn't have had and I am grateful for it. I was hoping to be able to use it to pay Patrick's car insurance, but unfortunately it's not even enough to do that. It will help though and that's what I'm choosing to focus on.
3. I am thankful that I am focused on financial goals. I am always more motivated to do something when I have a goal in mind. Like with fitness, it helps get me to the gym when I know I need to reach a certain number of miles for the week. I enjoy it more because I am working towards something. For me, it's the same with financials. I so desperately want Patrick and I to be able to buy a house sooner rather than later. I know it may not happen in the time frame I have in mind, but that goal helps push me to do what I can to get there.
4. I am thankful that I have flexibility in my work schedule to be able to take Isabel to school. I am only taking her on the days that Patrick has to open, but it has been really nice getting up with her in the morning, having breakfast together and dropping her off. Next week I will only get to do it one day, and I know that it will vary week to week, but I love being able to participate in this. Normally it's either my mom or Patrick who drops off and picks up, so I like that I can be there for her too.
5. I am thankful that things seem to be heading in a positive direction. I feel positive about most things and am generally happy. I haven't felt this good for this long in quite some time, so I am just enjoying the ride without putting too much stress on anything. I am reaching my miles that I have set and I am enjoying watching our finances improve (savings go up, debts go down). I am focusing on getting rid of unnecessary items in our apartment and using that extra money for our house savings. I am excited to see where things go.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

June 4, 2011- Patrick's cousins wedding.

I had recently hit my goal weight for weight watchers and treated myself to a Vera Wang dress from Kohl's. I felt great in the dress and let loose that night, not caring what people thought. It felt great to just enjoy myself and to dance like no one was watching. 

Confessions of a Running Mom

Yesterday was the first day of school. I really thought that I was going to completely lose it when I dropped her off. I had prepared myself all weekend by tearing up randomly, basically scaring Isabel into thinking that I was upset that she was growing up and that doing so was a bad thing.

I did my absolute best to wait until she went to bed Sunday night before needing to be hugged and calmed down by Patrick. He's so good with my irrational break downs... I sobbed into his shoulder trying to explain how I had gone the past 5 years fighting to keep her with me and now I'm just sending her off. He told me that it was a part of being a parent and that everything would be okay.

I took the entire day off from work so that I could drop her off and pick her up and spend some extra time with her since my work schedule is going to be pretty odd now that she is in school. Since Patrick works in retail he does not have a set schedule so some mornings I will have to take her to school and other mornings he will take her. Her school doesn't allow drop offs until 7:45am, meaning that I won't get to work until 8:15-8:30 depending on traffic. My normal 7:30-4:30 shifts won't work on those days, so I will be working 8:30-5:30. I don't really like this because there will be more traffic both on the way to work and on the way home, but it does mean that we get to spend an hour together in the mornings getting ready for school and that I get to take her to school. These are important moments here.

Having this schedule also means that my workout schedule needs some retouching. There is no way that I can justify going to the gym after getting home on those days that I take Isabel to school. I wouldn't get home until after 7pm and after showers, dinner, etc I would only see her for a half hour. We're trying to get her into bed no later than 8. That's not enough for me. So for now I will be doing some at home workouts and trying to make up the miles on the weekends and on the days that Patrick closes or is off.

I tried to use my day off the best I could. My car was up for scheduled maintenance so I made an appointment to drop it off in the morning. What I thought would be an $80 visit ended up starting at $310 since my car is almost at 60,000 miles and I "needed" the blue service. So many services were being thrown at me which meant $$$. I decided to get the bare minimum that I could which was the estimated $310 service.

That's what I thought about when I ran from the Toyota dealership to my parents house. For 5.07 miles I thought about money and how frustrating it is to start to feel ahead financially and then get knocked down a peg or two. I wasn't really stressing that badly because we had the money in our checking account, but it would be a drain on it since Patrick also had to pay child support. I apologized to him for the inconvenience (he quickly text back that there was no reason to apologize) and then I went on my merry way.

Then I got a call that the water pump was leaking coolant and that it would cost another $300 some odd dollars. Frick on a stick! Okay, fine. It has to be fixed because that's obviously not good... I figured I could transfer some money around and we could pay it back on payday. No big deal. Another apology and another it's okay. And of course something else was found to be broken. Not quite sure what, but it was cracked and needed to be replaced. Thankfully I wasn't charged for service, just the part, but a total of $792 later and my car was back in my possession.

I cannot begin to express my gratitude to my parents. My sister and I were very fortunate growing up and as soon as we graduated from high school we were told that we had a college fund. I am so grateful to my parents for setting this up and have in turn learned that it's something that needs to be done early for my own children. Each of our three kids have an account and although they are not as much as I would like, they are slowly growing and it means a lot to me to be able to at least help my children reach their dreams. There happened to be money left over in this account that I had decided to keep in the account in case I wanted to get a car or home loan through the credit union. My mom suggested I take the money out of that account and put it towards my car. Such a relief to not have to stress about it! I ended up taking enough to pay for the car and a little extra (just in case it ended up costing more) and put the extra into our house savings.

The added expense was unfortunate and unexpected, but I didn't freak out and I think that is such a huge step in the right direction. Patrick and I are still in the beginning stages of finding our footing when it comes to our finances and although we're not where we would like to be, we are on our way and I think the potential is endless. In fact, we're discussing having a garage sale at my parents in order to bring in some extra money for our house and/or car savings accounts. Responsibility!

Today is the second day of school and oddly enough it was more difficult today than it was yesterday. I think mainly for the fact that I knew that I wasn't going to be picking her up or seeing her until later tonight. I basically dropped her off, said goodbye and had to leave in order to make it to work. It was difficult to walk away, difficult to see her through the gate (and running to me for one more kiss), difficult to drive away thinking that she will most likely line up in the wrong line again. I have to kind of let go though. It's not in my control anymore and I feel comfortable with the teachers and the yard supervisor to get her where she needs to go.

It has been helping to journal. I think that it's something that will be a nice surprise for her when she graduates from high school and since I'm including photos and stuff it will be nice to look back on together. I asked her questions yesterday about her favorites and what she wants to be when she grows up and I think it will be nice to see her answers change as the years go by. I also found a really sentimental poem that hit home that I included for today's entry:

"I wonder what you're doing right now,

and if everyone is treating you kind.

I home there is a special person,

a nice friend that you can find.

I wonder if the teacher knows

just how special you are to me.

And if the brightness of your hear

is something she can see.

I wonder if you are thinking about me,

and if you need a hug.

I already miss the sound of your voice

and how you give my leg a tug.

I wonder if you could possibly understand

how hard it is for me to let you grow.

On this day know that my heart breaks,

for this is the first step in letting my baby go."

My Little Girl

Isn't so little anymore...

She's going to her first day of Kindergarten today and I just cannot believe it. Yes, I have spent the weekend looking at baby pictures, and shedding a tear or two over the fact that she's starting elementary school. But I know that this is what is necessary. Kids, they grow up...







I have decided to start journaling for Isabel. I am starting the first day of kindergarten with 15 questions that I will ask her on the first day of school now until her Senior year of high school. I'm not committing to journaling daily, but as often as I can about things she's learning as well as cute things she says. I plan on giving them to her for graduation.

I also have been putting her artwork and other miscellaneous items in a 3 ring binder with sheet protectors so that she can have that as well, but that's not really a secret and is out for her to look at whenever she wants.

I am doing this for her and for me. I have a lot of feelings about her going to school and I think that journaling about it will definitely help.

They grow up way too fast...

She keeps asking me if I'm going to cry when I drop her off at school. I keep telling her no, but I'm not sure who I'm trying to convince. I never thought I'd be that mom that can't let go. I've just been fighting for so long to keep her with me and to protect her and now I'm sending her off and I can't be there. I am in no way a helicopter parent (at least not in my opinion), but after watching her graduate (and losing it then) and now sending her off to elementary school I am feeling a lot of feelings.

She's so excited though, and I know that she is going to have so much fun. I can't wait to pick her up today and hear about how great her first day was!

Weekly Workout

My scheduled didn't change much this week because it has been working so well. Unfortunately, I had to be a responsible parent Thursday and Friday. That, on top of being lazy, meant that my workouts at the gym got pushed back. I knew that I didn't have that many miles to do on both the bike and the elliptical, so I knew that I could push it back.

I really do not like taking two rest days in a row. It fuels the laziness and I end up making more excuses than normal to skip workouts.

Thankfully I did break that rest streak with a run on Saturday morning. It was a little difficult to get out of bed. The result of staying up later than planned and not having someone to meet for the run. That extra accountability of meeting with someone to run is such a huge motivation..

I did end up getting up and going for my run and afterwards I felt like I could keep going. Perfect motivation to get back into the routine at the gym. The endorphins helped too..

Week of 8/12/13 to 8/17/13

Monday			Tuesday
Time or Distance	Workout		Workout	Time or Distance
1 hour gym	Stationary Bike     ☺		Stationary Bike     ☺	1 hour gym
	Elliptical     ☺		Elliptical     ☺
1.37 mile	Walk at work     ☺		Walk at work     ☺	1.37 mile
2.10 mile	Walk at work     ☺		Walk at work     ☺	2.10 mile
30-45 min	Interval run     ☺
	Run/Walk                           62.83/1250 miles		Run/Walk                           66.30/1250 miles
	Bike                                     97.20/1800 miles		Bike                                    105.66/1800 miles
	Elliptical                               30.77/600 miles		Elliptical                                33.80/600 miles

Wednesday			Thursday
Time or Distance	Workout		Workout	Time or Distance
1 hour gym	Stationary Bike     ☺		Stationary Bike	1 hour gym
	Elliptical     ☺		Elliptical
1.37 mile	Walk at work     ☺		Walk at work     ☺	1.37 mile
2.10 mile	Walk at work     ☺		Walk at work	2.10 mile
30-45 min	Interval run     ☺
	Run/Walk                           71.94/1250 miles		Run/Walk                            73.31/1250 miles
	Bike                                     114.79/1800 miles		Bike                                    114.79/1800 miles
	Elliptical                               36.32/600 miles		Elliptical                               36.32/600 miles

Friday			Saturday
Time or Distance	Workout		Workout	Time or Distance
1 hour gym	If needed to make up mileage on bike		Long Training Run     ☺	5 miles 6 miles
	or elliptical		If needed to make up mileage on bike	1 hour gym
? min	Walk		or elliptical     ☺
	Run/Walk                            73.31/1250 miles		Run/Walk                           79.35/1250 miles
	Bike                                    114.79/1800 miles		Bike                                    123.15/1800 miles
	Elliptical                              36.32/600 miles		Elliptical                              38.75/600 miles

Next week is going to be a little weird and I am not going to be too strict with myself about this schedule. Isabel starts kindergarten tomorrow, so there are going to be a couple days where I have to take her to school since Patrick opens. This will push my normal work schedule from 730-430 to 830-530. I'm most likely going to want to come straight home after work, but I am going to hopefully work it into the schedule so that I can get some time each day (even if it's only a half hour).

The important thing about the schedule is being flexible and just getting in the miles each week. As long as I can get in the minimum I need for each day then I'll be happy.

As of now, this is what I have scheduled.

Week of 8/19/13 to 8/24/13

Monday			Tuesday
Time or Distance	Workout		Workout	Time or Distance
1 hour gym	Stationary Bike		Stationary Bike	1 hour gym
	Elliptical		Elliptical
? min	Walk		Walk at work	1.37 mile
30-45 min	Interval run		Walk at work	2.10 mile
			Arm Workout
	Run/Walk                              /1250 miles		Run/Walk                               /1250 miles
	Bike                                         /1800 miles		Bike                                         /1800 miles
	Elliptical                                 /600 miles		Elliptical                                /600 miles

Wednesday			Thursday
Time or Distance	Workout		Workout	Time or Distance
1 hour gym	Stationary Bike		Stationary Bike	1 hour gym
	Elliptical		Elliptical
1.37 mile	Walk at work		Walk at work	1.37 mile
2.10 mile	Walk at work		Walk at work	2.10 mile
30-45 min	Interval run		Arm Workout
	Leg Workout
	Run/Walk                               /1250 miles		Run/Walk                               /1250 miles
	Bike                                         /1800 miles		Bike                                         /1800 miles
	Elliptical                                 /600 miles		Elliptical                                 /600 miles

Friday			Saturday
Time or Distance	Workout		Workout	Time or Distance
1 hour gym	If needed to make up mileage on bike		Long Training Run	4 miles
	or elliptical
1.37 mile	Walk at work
2.10 mile	Walk at work
	Leg Workout
	Run/Walk                               /1250 miles		Run/Walk                               /1250 miles
	Bike                                         /1800 miles		Bike                                         /1800 miles
	Elliptical                                 /600 miles		Elliptical                                 /600 miles