It's Official!

I have once and for all decided that I am getting rid of the scale. If I had to pinpoint one part of my weight loss journey that has given me the most emotional and mental anguish it would be that piece of equipment. And so it is time for me to part ways.

I feel as though I can be having a great week. I can eat well and exercise as planned. I can feel great going into Saturday morning and then I step on the scale and it's like nothing positive happened the week before. The workouts don't matter and the eating well and tracking mean nothing if that scale doesn't show progress.

Well that's just not right. Like, at all.

Just because the scale doesn't move doesn't mean that I'm not making progress. And a number on a scale should not dictate how my week went or my mood for the next day or two.

This negative body thing I have going on is not healthy for me mentally or physically and although I am in therapy I feel like I am making very little progress. It's frustrating and irritating and I am so over it.

So I decided that I need to get rid of the one thing that makes it worse.

The mental mind game that comes along with weighing in is too much for me to handle. When I lose I am happy the rest of the day. When I gain I go through a wave of emotions and it includes a lot of verbal abuse towards myself. I feel worthless and pathetic.

I know that I have attempted to stay off of the scale before and have not succeeded in doing so. This time I will actually be removing the scale from our home in order to keep it out of sight and out of mind.

Without knowing my weight I will not be able to track my BMI or my Body Fat %. I think that the less numbers I have to worry about the better. I really just want to be able to focus on my training and my measurements. I want to be physically fit and that may mean that I weigh over an "ideal" weight for my height.

I'm going to track my progress using measurements and taking progress pictures monthly and of course being able to see a change in my endurance fitness-wise. This is so much more important to me and I know that 6 out of 7 days a week. It's just that one day that I weigh in that everything else goes away and I am weighed down by a number that may or may not reflect the work I put into it that week.

The scale can be affected by so many things that it's actually a pretty silly way to track progress. It can fluctuate so much by something as small as sodium. I'm still stumbling around trying to find my way with eating and exercise and how many calories to eat back. It will take a lot of stress off of finding this balance if I can do it without worrying about that number.

And I've already seen proof from others and now myself that the number on the scale doesn't necessarily mean that your body is not changing. I took progress pictures after a 2 and a half month time period. My first picture I weight 181.8 and my second picture, 2 and a half months later I weigh 189. I weigh more, but my measurements are down and I look better (at least in my opinion...) This is huge to me and a much better way of looking at it then by weighing in.

Another part of that is when I look back at my pictures from last year after doing 30 day shred. I think I looked pretty good and yet I was still obsessed with a number that the scale said. I think this go around I don't want to know that number and just base things off of how I feel I look. I could be really happy with my body but not be a certain weight I think I should be at. That weight should be left up to my body to decide after giving it proper exercise and nutrition.

I'm actually pretty excited about this. Without it being in the apartment I won't be tempted to peek. This is going to be a positive thing. I can tell already.

30 Day Shred

Last year, around this time, I set my mind to complete the complete 30 days of 30 Day Shred.

It was a personal challenge to do it and the timing was perfect because I was trying to lose some inches for my wedding.

I updated daily after each workout and I do believe the results spoke for themselves...


Before                                                                                         After



Original Measurements:
Bust- 38
Waist- 33.5
Hips- 42.5
Arm (left)- 12
Thigh (left)- 24.5

Final Measurements:
Bust- 37.25 (-0.75)
Waist- 31 (-2.5)
Hips- 40 (-2.5)
Arm (left)- 11.5 (-0.5)
Thigh (left)- 23 (-1.5)

That's a total of 7.75 inches lost overall.

I was thrilled with the results. Yet I was still missing something when I looked in the mirror. I didn't see what I wanted to see. The problem was, I couldn't see what was really there because I still saw someone who was bigger, someone who wasn't pretty, someone who wasn't enough.

Fast forward one year and this is my before and my progress picture...

Before                                                                                           After

And these are my current measurements...

Current Measurements:
Bust- 40.5 (+3.25")
Waist- 35 (+4")
Hips- 44.5 (+4.5")
Arm (left)- 12.75 (+1.25")
Thigh (left)- 26.75 (+3.75")

That's a total of 16.75 inches gained overall.

That's not good.

That's not good at all.

I am hoping that with the training that I've already started and will continue to do (running, biking, elliptical, walking, etc) that I can make this a habit that sticks. I'm not doing this for a special occasion (other than to make running easier on my body and especially my knees) so I don't think I will fall off like a crazy married woman who has never eaten food before in her life like I've been doing for the past 10 months.

I would like to do Ripped in 30 five days a week for four weeks at some point, but right now that's not realistic to fit into my schedule. I know that I am on the right track, but I do think that I need to make some drastic changes because two days of strength training a week is not going to help me shed the inches off the way it did last year.

Looking back at my "after" pictures makes me feel two things. When I first saw it my initial reaction was sadness. Sadness in the fact that I'm not there and sadness in the fact that I thought that wasn't good enough because it was. Looking at it I think I look great and I want to get back there.

The second thing I felt was hopeful. Hopeful that I can do this and get back there. Motivated to keep going no matter what happens during the week. I can gain and still stay focused and dedicated. I can skip a workout and get right back to it the next day. I can eat a meal that may not be the healthiest choice and I can track it and eat healthier the rest of the day. These are all choices.

I've made a lot of choices in my life. I mean, every day brings choices.

Today I am choosing my health. I am choosing my fitness. I am choosing to make better, healthier choices so that I can lose the extra weight and run faster and farther and prevent injury. I am choosing to get back into shape. I am choosing to get back to that after picture and then choosing to improve even more from there. I am choosing success!

I am worth this. I am worth the time, the energy, the sweat, the tears. I am worth spending a few hours a week away from my family in order to work on my health. I am worth spending a little more money on healthier food choices. I am worth it!