Increasing Intervals

I have no scientific rhyme or reason for running the intervals I run. I know that Jeff Galloway has a chart to figure out the best intervals to use, however I have been to comfortable, stubborn and lazy to get my book and look it up.

I probably should...

Anyways, I decide to increase my intervals when I feel like I'm getting too comfortable, or when I feel ready for a challenge/extra push.

I've run 30:1, 45:1, 1:1 and currently 115:1. I do hope to eventually get to running for a few minutes and walking one or less, but I have to work my way up to it.

As I left work today I checked my interval timer. It was still on the 30:1 intervals from the race on Saturday and I made a comment to Lorien that I would run the 30:1 intervals tonight for 30-40 minutes. But as I started driving home I thought about pushing myself and increasing my intervals. 

Instead of adding more time to the running intervals though I decided to take away time from the walking interval. I ran 1:15 and walked :45. It worked well and the first two miles were under 12 minute miles. 

The third mile I told myself to slow down. Way down. And I did. To a 13:46 minute mile. It was more of a cool down than anything because I feel like I went out to fast (like I tend to do). 

I need to stop going for speed and remember that, for now a least, I'm working on building up distance again. 

I'm definitely not a speed runner and probably never will be, but it's something to think about working on. I would like to continue improving and continue to push myself to that next level. At the same time I want to stop taking on too much at once.

For now I will continue to bump up the intervals until I get comfortable. It's been nice feeling proud of myself after a run, no matter the distance.

"That's Quite an Accomplishment!"

We finished our 5K strong. I suggested that when we got close to the finish area that we just run the rest of the way, even if the interval timer beeped at us to walk. They both agreed and I could tell that it was going to be a good, strong finish for all three of us.

It took us 44 minutes, but we did it. This is my slowest 5K, but it was also my first as a pace group leader (unless you count the races I run with my sister). A little over half way was the most difficult part which included a trail and uphill, two things we hadn't really trained for. It wasn't awful, but different.

My niece wanted to take an extra walk break just after mile 2 (something I told her we would do if needed). I suggested we just go a little slower for the next running interval. We did but then she complained about a cramp in her side. I had us put our arms above our heads and breathe deeply. I really wanted to push her enough to finish without taking extra breaks. I told her that it was her head telling her she couldn't do it and to push through.

She did and ended without taking any extra walk breaks.

I couldn't be more proud of my niece and of my friend.

So why is it impossible for me to be proud of myself as well?

After the race my mom, Isabel and I went to the nearby grocery store to pick up something to eat and a coffee from Starbucks. We had a little bit of time between the race and Emma's soccer game so we went to kill some time. I still had my bib and medal on so the lady at the Starbucks counter asked me what race I just did. I told her the Simi 5K and she said "That's quite an accomplishment."

My initial reaction was to tell her that it's really not. That my normal course is a 5K and I can do it daily. That my favorite distance is a half marathon. That the tattoo on my wrist was for a full marathon. The distance of a 5K is "only" 3.1. That there were people I ran with who completed their first 5K, that my niece placed second in her age group, that they accomplished something that day.

But I stopped myself. I simply said "thank you" because it is an accomplishment. The completion of a race- 5K, 10K, half, full, ultra- is an accomplishment. I will display my bib on my display board that I made myself with just as much pride as the rest. I will hang my medal on my display board that I made myself with just as much pride as the rest. Why? Because it was an experience that I don't want to forget.

Did anything special happen on that race to me in particular? No, not really. But I had a wonderful time. I felt pride in pushing other people to try something they may not have tried. I have a new running buddy that enjoys it just as much as I do. And whether I was participating in the race or not, I would have needed to run 3 miles that day for our training plan.

I really need to start giving myself more credit for the things that I do. I need to stop thinking that what I do isn't as important or impressive as someone else who is doing the same exact thing. I went out and I ran. Bottom line. Regardless of time, speed, distance. I did it.

I Feel Like a Failure

I keep trying new things that last a day or two and then I give up. I'm either not strong enough, not patient enough, I don't have enough self control, etc. In all of these new things I realize that I am not enough.

This post is more of a ramble than any realization I could make. I have no profound thoughts. I also may be two glasses of wine in and am not quite sure what will come out of this.

I got rid of the scale almost two months ago. The first month went by and I felt great. I was learning how to appreciate my body the way that it is. I felt happy. Genuinely. The problem? I wasn't watching what I was eating. I fell into old habit with my eating, stopped going to the gym and expected things to change for the better.

I know this doesn't work, but isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

After hearing good reviews about Intuitive Eating and the The Body Image Workbook, I decided to buy them. I started with the workbook. I took the initial quizzes to see where I was starting at. I reverted back to the negative self talk. I started hating my body again.

At this time I had also done a little online shopping. I have decided that I wanted some more work appropriate outfits and ordered in a size 12, the size I have been wearing that has been fitting comfortably.

The orders have been arriving over the past couple days. They are all tight. Not horribly (well, not according to Patrick), but it's just not what I wanted or what I was hoping for.

I am so disappointed. In the clothes, in my body, in myself.

But no one can change it but myself.

So, once again.. I'm back at it. Starting tonight I plan on continuing to read Intuitive Eating. Starting tomorrow I plan to get back to working out, and more than just running. I also plan on having more self control in regards to my eating.

I can do this..

Maybe if I say it enough I will actually start to believe it.

Night Before Race Day

Tonight is the night before the Simi 5K.

This will be my first race in 6 months and 4 days.

I feel prepared. I feel ready. I feel excited. I feel nervous.

I don't want to say it's "only 3 miles" because I have been known to tell people to never put the word only in front of any amount of miles. Own it. Be proud.

It's three miles! Well, 3.1 to be exact.

That's not what's getting to me. It's not the distance. It's the atmosphere.

I both love and hate the crowds at race day. It causes anxiety which in turn pushes my adrenaline up and I am able to push myself further and faster during the race, most of the time.

I am trying to not let myself get worked up. I was used to this and need to get used to it again since I will be doing this at least once a month for quite some time. I am trying to shift my focus from extremely nervous to extremely excited.

You see, as I've mentioned, this will be the first 5K race for my best friend and the second 5K race for my niece. I am so excited to run with them and hopefully be there for some support along the way. They may not need it, but I'll be there to provide whatever I can. This race is for them.

I'm so happy to get back to racing. It helps me with training to have races set up. It's my main source of motivation when it comes to running. As much as it causes anxiety it causes happiness too and that's where my focus needs to be.

All I can do tonight is have a light dinner, set my clothes out for tomorrow and be ready to cross that finish line and collect my bling. No reason to worry or stress about it because there's nothing I can do at this point to change anything.

Plus, I've run much longer distances with much less preparation, something I do not recommend. This time I know I am more than ready.

Running Recap

My first run of the week was on Tuesday. I contemplated going Monday, but decided that I wanted to spend time with my family so I went Tuesday after work at my parents house. I started out going my normal route, but then decided to cross the street so that I could have a slightly different course. I can't even tell you what a difference it made to just be one block over.

The plan was to turn at the normal street in order to get back on track and to continue running the 2.2 mile route. But I felt great and I wanted to keep going. So I did by turning left instead of right. This course would include a lot more hills, but what the heck. I love hills!

I was running along, doing my thing, clearly not paying as much attention as I should have. I ended up running right past a bee hive, which was located at the base of a light pole. So I was literally running through it. My watch beeped at me to walk, but I just kept running. When I finally felt like I had gone far enough I started walking, but I could still hear buzzing. I couldn't figure out where the bee was until I looked back and saw that the sleeve of my shirt was moving.

The bee had found it's way inside of my shirt...

One of my fitness/running goals is to eventually be confident enough with my body that I would be able to run on a hot day in just a sports bra and running shorts/pants.

I may not have been confident, but I don't believe I have ever taken my shirt off as fast as I did. I shook my shirt out and the bee flew away. I lucked out that 1. I wasn't stung and 2. That only one car had the unfortunate experience of seeing me in my sports bra and running pants.

I continued on my run without any more excitement. I feel like it was a good run with a pretty good average pace.

Distance: 4.23mi
Time: 52:33
Avg Pace: 12:25
Elevation Gain: 307ft
Mile 1- 11:57
Mile 2- 12:16
Mile 3- 12:42
Mile 4- 12:27
Mile 0.23- 7:53
Temperature: 72*, 73% humidity

I decided to run again on Wednesday. We were going to go to dinner with the family for our weekly trivia night. The restaurant is probably less than a mile away if I take the shortest path. I decided, however to go the long way around and make it worth my time.

It was definitely a good use of my time and I'm really glad I decided to run there.

Distance: 2.56mi
Time: 30:31
Avg Pace: 11:54
Elevation Gain: 264ft
Mile 1- 11:48
Mile 2- 11:41
Mile 0.56- 7:02
Temperature: 73*, 73% humidity

Patrick and I had plans Friday afternoon so I decided to take the whole day off of work. This gave Patrick and I a chance to take Isabel to school together. Since Patrick's schedule didn't really work to my advantage to run this weekend I decided I would run after dropping Isabel off at school. The first two miles were a little rough with some shin/calf pain as well as a little ache in my knee. It went away though and I feel like I did well in staying strong and slowing down. I'm still not quite where I want to be speed wise on my long distance runs, but I'm learning to listen to my body and let the time figure itself out.

I have a mile time in mind that I would prefer to stay under so anything under that is fine by me, especially since I'm going to need to hold that time for 13-26 miles while in a race.

Distance: 5.17mi
Time: 1:06:04
Avg Pace: 12:47
Elevation Gain: 136ft
Mile 1- 12:31
Mile 2- 12:54
Mile 3- 13:14
Mile 4- 12:41
Mile 5- 12:28
Mile 0.17- 2:14
Temperature: n/a

As soon as I got home from my run Friday morning I really wanted to go out and run again. My next opportunity was Saturday morning, but I wasn't sure what time we would be home from the concert. We ended up getting home after midnight and I didn't fall asleep until close to 1am, however I had already made plans to wake up at 630am and head out for my run.

The course was from my apartment to my niece's soccer game. I mapped it out on map my run and it totaled just over 5 miles. I figured it would be a good distance to run again and since it was my first time running that distance two days in a row it would give me a small idea as to what training for Dopey would be like (on a much smaller scale).

I woke up early and headed out. The course was simple. All I had to do was stay on the wash the entire time and when it ends I would be about a block away from the soccer fields. Unfortunately, and I have no idea how this happened, I ended up going the wrong way. I would love to walk the course again in a few days to see where I should have gone because I've done this run before and I have zero idea as to what happened. Anyways, the run ended up being 6.65 miles due to this little detour.

I felt great. The first mile or two was a little rough starting out. I felt stiff and obviously pretty tired, but I did it and I feel great that I did.

It's weird thinking that I'll be adding another 20 miles on top of that 6 mile run. I often think about that when I'm running and I really need to be kinder to myself. I have to realize that taking two months off means that I am starting over completely. My fitness level is not the same and I have to reteach my body how to run for this amount of time and for these distances. It doesn't take away what I've already done and it doesn't mean that I won't be able to do it again. All that it means is that I have to take training seriously in order to make it.

Distance: 6.65mi
Time: 1:25:04
Avg Pace: 12:48
Elevation Gain: 300ft
Mile 1- 12:43
Mile 2- 13:06
Mile 3- 13:12
Mile 4- 12:44
Mile 5- 12:45
Mile 6- 12:13
Mile 0.65- 8:17
Temperature: 64*, 94% humidity

September 12, 2013

7am: 2 eggo protein waffles, 1 Tbsp Nutella
815am: 1 cup coffee, 3 tbsp coffeemate peppermint mocha creamer, 3 splenda
1030am: string cheese, apple
11am: banana, low calorie gatorade
1230pm: rice, peas, corn, hot & spicy spam
2pm: Drumstick
340pm: Granola bars

530pm: steak, mashed potatoes, bell pepper, cheesy breadstick, glass of wine

cardio activity: 1.34 mile walk, 2.05 mile walk
strength training:
70 squats

I took Isabel to school this morning. We always hold hands on our way from the car all the way into school. Today was different though. 

Today she saw two of her friends from the gate and immediately let go of my hand. Almost as if she were embarrassed to be seen with me.

I'm not ready for that yet! She's only 5. This isn't supposed to happen yet.. She's too grown up and it kind of makes me sad that her childhood is slipping away. Maybe it's time to start thinking about having another one.. 

Who am I kidding?! It's all I think about. But it's not quite time yet. Soon though. 

Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself

1. I am thankful that I plan ahead. I don't usually like to leave things until the last minute (although I have been known to procrastinate) and I like that I usually come up with a plan for things ahead of time. Whether I follow through with those plans or not is a completely different thing.

2. I am thankful that I keep pushing on when I don't necessarily want to because I'm not seeing the changes I wish to see. My body is not really changing the ways that I thought it would or want it to and it's frustrating at times. Instead of giving up though I am continuing to push forward because I know that these changes do not happen over night and if I want to improve my body then I need to continue to workout. At some point my body will start to change and I will notice it more than I am now.

3. I am thankful that I have a supportive family that allow me to go out for my weekday runs. It would be very easy for me to skip these runs because of family obligations, however because I have an amazing husband and awesome parents I am able to fit in a 30-60 minute run 2-3 days of the week and a long run on the weekend. I think they see how  happy running makes me.

4. I am thankful that I have a hobby that makes me happy and that makes me healthy. I don't push myself to try things that I don't like because I know that I get more out of things that make me happy. Running makes me happy and I have often times found myself laying in bed at night after a day that I run and just smile. I love running, not always while I'm doing it or as I'm lacing up my shoes to go for the run, but it is definitely my passion and I really hope that I am able to do it for a long time.

5. I am thankful that I bought two books to help me better understand intuitive eating and my body image. I really think that this is going to be such a positive thing for me and I am really happy that I am no longer wrapped up in my weight, the scale and counting calories. I feel hopeful and positive about my body and am able to spend time focusing on so many other things.

Five things I am thankful for in life

1. I am thankful that I have a beautiful, intelligent and kind daughter. She is sensitive, like me, and I love that I am able to have all of these wonderful moments with her. I often times find myself wondering how someone can leave their child (and grandchild for that matter) and not see them for over 4 and a half years now and just not care. They have all missed out on so many things. I get in my head and think about these things for too long and finally have to take a step back and realize that they may have missed out on these moments, but I didn't. I know her favorite things and I am able to provide for her. I've been there for every birthday, every Christmas, every laugh and every cry. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

2. I am thankful that I have a friend that supports me and my running obsession, and who has now begun her own love for it. I am so incredibly proud of her for deciding to start running and to stick with it even when it got difficult. Her goals are reasonable and I absolutely cannot wait to cross the finish line of her first 5K with her on the 21st. She is going to be great and I hope that this is something we can do together often. I'm really glad that the issues with her shins have begun to improve and I know that the right shoes and her positive attitude will take her so many places.

3. I am thankful that I have been writing in Isabel's journal. It makes me really happy to think that one day I will be able to give her a handful of notebooks that I have filled with quotes and photos and entries about the cute things that she has done and said. I think that it will be really meaningful to give to her when she graduates from college so that she can read through it and see how much she means to me (not that I don't plan on telling her and showing her throughout the years). I have been enjoying it so far and have 11-12 years left!

4. I am thankful that Patrick is so appreciative of the concert tickets I bought for him. He is so excited to go to see Iron Maiden and Megadeth tomorrow and his excitement is making me excited to go. It's definitely not my music and I may or may not be dreading the idea of standing outside in the sun for 8 hours, but it is so worth it just to see him smile.

5. I am thankful that Patrick and I were able to donate money to a good cause last night. A friend from the online community I frequent posted recently about a friend of the family. Her friends two and half year old son was diagnosed with AML (Acute Myeloid Leukemia). They are going to be participating in a walk in October and are fundraising to donate to the hospital that he has been in for his treatments. I wasn't able to donate as much as I would have liked, but I know that it will bring the group one step closer to their fundraising goal.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

November 2, 1999- Freshman year of High School.

I found these pictures in the photo album my mom made me. I have always loved the first picture and have wanted to put it up for motivation. I look happy and I truly loved playing volleyball in high school. Then I injured my knee and had to stop playing after two years.

Being tall definitely had it's advantages and I am somewhat regretting the fact that I didn't continue to play a sport or stick with a healthy routine after I stopped playing.

September 11, 2013

Twelve years ago today I woke up and started getting ready for school. I was a Junior in high school. It started like any other day.

I went into my parents room to say good morning to my mom and saw that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. Being young and naive I truly believed that it was an accident. An tragic error. A mistake.

I thought how sad it was that this was happening and left to finish getting ready. I was barely down the hall when my mom yelled out. I ran back just after the second plane crashed. 

This was no accident. There was no error. No one had made a mistake.

I went to school and was sitting in my history class watching the news. We watched as the buildings collapsed. We witnessed death, devastation and our world's changed in a blink of an eye. 

And we weren't even directly affected.

September 11th is a day that will never be forgotten. It will be a day that I will always know where I was when it happened. A day that my children will learn about in school...

I will never forget that day, the people who lost their lives, or the way we united as a country. If only it didn't take an event so awful to bring us together.

Today was a pretty good day. I ate when hungry and worked out. Sometimes I just have to tell myself to do it, tell someone else I'm going to do it and then get it done. 

I decided spur of the moment that I wanted to go for a run tonight. I ran last night and it was amazing, even if I did run right by a bee hive and had a bee get in my shirt (I got it out without being stung). 

We went out to dinner to our normal Wednesday location for trivia, so I knew it was a little over 2 miles. I ran to a point just past comfort and ended the 2.56 miles in 30:30, averaging just under 12 minute miles. 

The highlight of my run was during a walk break. I was approaching two teenage boys walking toward me. I smiled and they both said hi. I said hi back. I was over two miles at this point, slightly out of breath, glistening with sweat and walking.. One of the young men said, as he passed me "You are beautiful." 

This compliment is not something I take easily. I don't believe it when Patrick says it, I tried believing it when Isabel said it and I told myself this teenage boy was mocking me when he said it. I said thank you and continued on my way.

But why shouldn't I believe any of these people? Patrick doesn't gain anything by saying it. Isabel is 5, so she's sometimes painfully honest. And it's not like this stranger had anything to gain by saying it and he wasn't laughing while saying it so maybe he really believed it. 

Maybe it's time I start believing it too.

7am: 1 cup of coffee with 2 tbsp coffeemate peppermint mocha creamer, 3 splenda, 1 serving yogurt covered raisins
840am: 1 cup Cheerio's, 1 cup fat free milk, banana
1035am: apple, string cheese, yogurt covered raisins
115pm: rice, peas, corn, hot & spicy spam, lemon bar
245pm: Oikos Greek yogurt- strawberry

7pm: shrimp dinner with zucchini, fried fish taco

cardio workout: 1.32 mile walk, 2 mile walk, 2.56 mile interval run
strength training:
65 squats
2 sets of 10
squat & press
dead weight/chest row
squat/kettle bell swing
right leg static lunge with bicep curl
chair/reverse fly
left leg static lunge with bicep curl
squat/dumb bell row
crunches
reverse crunches
left side crunches
right side crunches
push ups
tricep kickbacks
bicep curls
shoulder presses
front raises
lateral raises
tricep dips

Being Honest- September 10, 2013

I think it's about time that I start being honest with myself.

As much as I have changed for the betting since getting rid of the scale I have noticed that my working out has decreased and my eating habits have gotten worse. I was mentally prepared for something like this to happen because realistically I have nothing holding me accountable.

I am going to be doing some spending today on a couple of books that will help me understand intuitive eating better. Intuitive Eating and The Body Image Workbook. I feel as though I am in need of some guidance because there is too much going on. I feel better about my body, but in that same sense I am allowing myself to go overboard when it comes to food and skipping workouts.

I feel as though I don't want to necessarily track calories or points by using My Fitness Pal and Weight Watchers. For me it gets too frustrating and confusing when I start factoring in the calories I burn and how many I should be eating back. However, I do think that I need to have some form of accountability when it comes to what I am putting into my body.

So I will be starting to post daily menu's here. I am not concerning myself with anything other than the time I ate and what I ate. No calorie details.

7am: Coffee, 2 Tbsp Coffeemate Peppermint Mocha creamer, 3 splenda
815am: 1 cup Honey Nut Cheerio's, 1 cup fat free milk, 1 banana
1030am: apple, string cheese, Oikos Greek yogurt- lemon meringue
1215pm: fat free tuna salad with crackers, deli fresh lunch meat, baby carrots
145pm: granola bar
330pm: coconut water, Luna chocolate peppermint bar
630pm: Fire Island Grill- Pineapple Chicken Sandwich with fresh fruit
8pm: glass of wine

cardio workout: 1.33 mile walk, 2.07 mile walk, 4.23 mile interval run
strength training:
2 sets of 15
squat & press
dead weight/chest row
squat/kettle bell swing
chair/reverse fly
static lunge with bicep curl
squat/dumb bell row
crunches
reverse crunches
left side crunches
right side crunches

Confessions of a Running Mom

I started Christmas shopping this past weekend.

I have been wanting to start for awhile, but knew that it was way too early. Then while running on Saturday I decided that it was about that time to start. We're just over 3 months away and I really do not want a repeat of what happened last year.

Last year Patrick and I were financially struggling. We both had debt and we didn't have any extra money to spend on our families and friends. It was embarrassing and pretty upsetting to not be able to celebrate the way I wanted to.

I know that our families don't care whether we bring them gifts or not. There's not one person in our family that I can think of that is that materialistic. However, it is frustrating to go celebrate and receive gifts that people have spent time and money on and simply hand over a gift card.

The year before last I went way over the top. To the point of surpassing our agreed upon budget by close to $1000. At that time Patrick and I had our finances separate as we were not married yet and it took me close to 6 months to admit that I had over spent and put myself into more debt so that I could buy things. I didn't ask him to pay me back, but it did cause a discussion to happen for last years Christmas so that we would stick to our budget.

Our finances were separate last year as well. From what I remember I do believe that we stayed extremely close to our agreed upon budget. And then I decided that I wanted to open a savings account specifically to save for Christmas. We would transfer $25 a paycheck to that savings account and by the time Christmas rolled around we would have an extra $600 saved away. It would feel like less of a financial burden and I would be able to have more fun this year shopping for our family and friends.

The only thing I like more than shopping for myself is shopping for other people.

I made our list of friends and family that we need to shop for this year and our list is HUGE. I'm sure it's not as bad as most people's but we have decided to expand just a little to include more of our family this year. In expanding our list we will be getting each person something smaller or homemade, but we will still be spreading the Christmas joy.

I decided to start early because I don't like waiting until the last minute. It causes anxiety that I feel I can prevent. So I decided to start with Target, TJMaxx and Michael's. I also plan on going to Home Goods and Marshall's soon. I think that these stores tend to get new merchandise weekly and if I go once a month I should be able to find good products for everyone on our list for less.

The bonus kids only want cash this Christmas, so I am trying to find them little things here and there (mainly clothing) and then find creative ways to gift them money. I don't want to simply hand over an envelope, so I have been searching pinterest for ideas. There are some pretty cute pins.

Isabel should be the easiest to shop for. She's still young enough that toys, clothes, basically anything really is still exciting. I am contemplating going a little over the top and buying her an iPod touch so that she can stop bothering Leah to play on hers, but I am a little worried that she's too young and will end up losing it.

I just have so many ideas for everyone, so it's going to be a lot of fun getting everything together, especially the DIY gifts. I am glad that I am giving myself plenty of time to get all of those done because there are quite a few.

Patrick thinks I'm taking on too much, but as long as I stay organized and keep a list (and check it twice) then I should be okay. I am so grateful that he is showing his appreciation as well. It's nice to be recognized for the little things I do and I know that this is not his forte. I love that man, but I do not know how he can go out on December 24th to do his shopping (and he only has one person to shop for!)

One Month Scale Free

It has been exactly one month since I have stepped on a scale.

I haven't really thought much about it and for some reason decided to look back to when I wrote my post regarding getting rid of the scale. It was on August 10th and I had weighed myself the day before. It was the last time I stepped on a scale and I have not looked back since.

I know that this way of thinking is not recommended for everyone, and I am in no way suggesting that other people do what I did, but I cannot believe the transformation I have made internally in such a short amount of time.

I decided to get rid of the scale because it was literally taking over my life. I had talked about it in therapy but was not finding what I needed in regards to figuring out why it was such a huge factor in measuring success. I cannot recall a time in my childhood that I was overweight or that weight was an issue. I was the smallest in my family weight wise and never thought anything of it. It wasn't until I was older that I started to really hear my mom talk negatively about herself. There are a few moments that I could pinpoint, but nothing drastic that should send me into a tailspin of self hatred.

But I was heading towards rock bottom in regards to the negativity I spoke about myself. I would say something awful in my head and then believe it until I spoke it aloud. Then I would hate myself even more. Poor Patrick had to deal with my waves of emotions when it came to my body and self image and was constantly trying to pick me up while I overtook his efforts and tore myself back down.

What's worse is that I said these things in front of Isabel. My worst fear as a parent is that my daughter will grow up with these negative body images. I know that it will more than likely happen, but I'm supposed to be the one to protect her, not teach her these behaviors.

When I realized that it was the scale that brought me down more than anything I decided to quit using it as a tool to measure success. It's not the only way to see the progress you are making and yet I was allowing that number to be the end all be all.

It was draining thinking about weighing in. It was draining feeling so great one minute and then so down the next all because there wasn't progress or it wasn't enough or worst of all I had gained. There were way too many factors that were affecting the scale and it was just, well, overwhelming.

I couldn't continue to justify gains. I had worked out and done strength training, gain. I had a lot of sodium, gain. It was that time of the month, gain. It was a full moon, gain. I just got out of the shower and my hair is wet, gain. The scale is not positioned in the correct location, gain.

Mind games.

In this past month I have used measurements as a way to track changes in my body. This past month I gained an inch in my waist, stayed the same in my hips and ended up losing in my arms, thighs and bust. I didn't spiral out of control when I saw that I had gained an inch. It was an amazing change to how I would have reacted weekly (or multiple times a week depending on how often I stepped on the scale) when I weighed in.

I asked Patrick the other night if he could tell a difference in my attitude towards myself and he said yes, with excitement. I feel as though he no longer has to pick me up when I hit the bottom. He no longer has to pry the food from my hands when I go overboard. He no longer has to constantly compliment me in order to keep my spirits up and the voices in my head at bay (although the compliments don't have to stop.. Hint Hint).

I did also ask him if he could tell a difference in my body. I didn't really want to ask the question because in all honesty he sees me every day and most likely will not notice a small difference the way I would, but alas my old habit did sneak back in. I didn't really get the answer I had hoped for. But I didn't freak out. I didn't try to justify his answer and point out the changes I could see until he agreed with me. Instead I took his answer for what it was, the truth of what he could see.

I can see a difference in my body. I am appreciating it more. I am looking at it from a whole different perspective. I am enjoying what I'm eating. I am enjoying what I'm wearing. I am enjoying working out. I am enjoying the changes that are occurring. I am enjoying the freedom that I have right now. I am not stressed about food. I am not stressed about weight. I am not stressed about calories or points. I am just feeling genuinely happy.

I am going to believe that these changes are because I no longer own a scale. That is the only thing that has changed. I no longer track my food because it was getting too complicated trying to find the balance of how many calories to eat back. I find that if I eat when I am hungry and eat the healthiest choices I can while still enjoying the unhealthy foods every once in a while then I don't feel deprived and actually find that my body is improving.

I don't know what I way and I don't have any desire to. I'm going to keep running, keep eating well, keep strength training and keep losing inches. Some months will be better than others. Some days will be awesome some won't. As long as I keep trying and keep improving health wise and as a person over all then I feel like I am doing something right.

I just feel like I'm exactly where I need to be. I'm not stressing and I am enjoying life. And my body freaking rocks!!

Running Recap

I am in love...

My new GPS watch is AMAZING! I was pretty disappointed when my watch died and decided pretty quickly on a new one. These decisions normally take me weeks, if not months, so to be so happy with a decision that took me only a couple hours is pretty awesome.

I've used it for every walk and run since getting it on Friday and it is so cool.

I really like that something so small has 1. Already paid for itself and 2. Pushes me to go out even when I don't want to.

The weather has pretty much sucked all week long. I usually get to work around 7am on the mornings when I do not take Isabel to school and it's already 75 or higher. There have been multiple days this week where the weather has gone over 100 degrees.

Fall... Where are you?

I really am trying to not let the weather be a factor into whether or not I get my run in for the day. I know my limits (or at least I think I do, whether I listen is another factor completely).

Tuesday was my first run for the week and I told myself to go slower than normal because of the heat and the course. I ended up faster than any run I've recently run.

Distance: 2.14mi
Time: 25:05
Avg Pace: 11:42
Elevation Gain: 369ft
Mile 1- 11:45
Mile 2- 11:22
Mile 0.14- 1:56
Temperature: 81*, 66% humidity

I didn't feel like I was going that fast while I was running, but I could feel it when I finished. The first mile was a lot faster than I had planned and since it was mostly uphill I pushed myself the second mile in order to be faster than the first.

I ran again on Thursday. It was another hot day so I decided to wait until after dinner to let it cool down a little. Not the smartest decision I've ever made. In fact, I think running after dinner was worse than the heat. But I made it and I was definitely riding the endorphin high afterwards.

Distance: 2.63mi
Time: 32:27
Avg Pace: 12:19
Elevation Gain: 369ft
Mile 1- 12:27
Mile 2- 12:05
Mile 0.63- 7:54
Temperature: 82*, 55% humidity

Saturday's run was a scheduled 4 mile run and I was really looking forward to it. Since Patrick had to work I ran around my parents neighborhood while they watched Isabel. Their neighborhood = hills. Rachel decided to pass up running with me this weekend because of the hills and Lorien was going to go be fitted for proper shoes today since she has been having shin problems.

I stuck with my 1:1 intervals and although it was tough getting through the first two miles since it was mostly uphill I made it through and getting to the top was amazing. I felt so good that the last two miles flew by. That could also be because it was mostly downhill...

I'm thinking of increasing my intervals to 1:15:1 next week, so we'll see how that works out. I am really into watching myself improve and I am happy that I am pushing myself to go farther and faster and longer rather than just stick to what I'm comfortable doing.

Distance: 4.22mi
Time: 53.31
Avg Pace: 12:41
Elevation Gain: 366ft
Mile 1- 13:14
Mile 2- 13:09
Mile 3- 12:17
Mile 4- 11:56
Mile 0.22- 2:53
Temperature: 68*, 94% humidity

Pictures while on my run 9/7

 

 

 

Training Schedule- Revised

I discussed our training schedule with my sister over the weekend since I will not be participating in the LA Marathon this year (still having mixed feelings about that...). She's still not sure what her plan is, however she did update our training schedule just in case she does decide to join me on the races I have scheduled. there's going to be a lot of running going on next year..

Some of my half marathons that I have scheduled are going to need to fit in some how, but for the most part I think it works itself out fairly well.

2014  Training Schedule
	Date	Mileage
Week 1	8/31/2013	3 miles (COMPLETED)
Week 2	9/7/2013	4 miles
Week 3	9/14/2013	5 miles
Week 4	9/21/2013	3 miles	Simi Valley 5K
Week 5	9/28/2013	6 miles
Week 6	10/5/2013	3 miles
Week 7	10/12/2013	8 miles
Week 8	10/19/2013	3 miles	Ventura Color Run
Week 9	10/26/2013	10 miles
Week 10	11/2/2013	4 miles
Week 11	11/9/2013	12 miles	Calabasas 5K/10K
Week 12	11/16/2013	4 miles
Week 13	11/23/2013	14 miles
Week 14	11/30/2013	4 miles
Week 15	12/8/2013	SANTA TO THE SEA - 13.1
Week 16	12/14/2013	4 miles	4 miles
Week 17	12/21/2013	5 miles	14 miles
Week 18	12/28/2013	5 miles	5 miles
Week 19	1/4/2014	15 miles	17 miles/Camarillo Half
Week 20	1/11/2014	5 miles	5 miles
Week 21	1/18/2014	6 miles	6 miles
Week 22	1/25/2014	17 miles	20 miles
Week 23	2/1/2014	6 miles	6 miles
Week 24	2/8/2014	6 miles	6 miles
Week 25	2/15/2014	13 miles	23 miles
Week 26	2/22/2014	6 miles	6 miles/Seaside Half
Week 27	3/1/2014	7 miles	7 miles
Week 28	3/9/2014	SAN DIEGO HALF	LA MARATHON
Week 29	3/15/2014	5 miles
Week 30	3/22/2014	8 miles
Week 31	3/29/2014	5 miles
Week 32	4/5/2014	HOLLYWOOD HALF MARATHON
Week 33	4/12/2014	17 miles
Week 34	4/19/2014	6 miles
Week 35	4/26/2014	20 miles
Week 36	5/3/2014	6 miles
Week 37	5/10/2014	23 miles
Week 38	5/17/2014	7 miles
Week 39	5/25/2014	MOUNTAINS 2 BEACH MARATHON
Week 40	5/31/2014	13 miles
Week 41	6/7/2014	6 miles
Week 42	6/14/2014	7 miles
Week 43	6/22/2014	MAMMOTH HALF MARATHON