Enough

I get into a pretty negative cycle with myself when it comes to pretty much everything I do. I have yet to pinpoint the cause but nothing I do is ever good enough.

Not to anyones standards, just my own.

Which is weird.

In regards to my work, my family, my parenting, my marriage, even going back to high school and college. Not good enough.

So it would naturally make sense for me to think that my running is also not good enough.

I'm not fast enough, I haven't done enough races, I haven't gone far enough, I didn't try hard enough during training. It's never enough.

And now the work enough looks weird when I type it out..

I think it's because I'm always comparing myself to other people. Always. In regards to every aspect of my life. The funny thing is, if I just look at my life, my family, my job, my bank account, my hobbies, my fitness, etc. then it is enough. It's when I look at what other people have, what other people do and what other people think that I start feeling like I'm not where I should be.

When it comes to running (and all areas of my life really) the important thing I have to remember is to stop comparing myself to other runners. Not every runner is built the same and every person has a pace and a distance that works for them.

In fact, I can't even compare myself to a year ago because I was running with a group instead of alone or with my sister, I was pushing for a PR instead of working at a slower pace to be support for someone else and I was a year younger (and about 30 pounds lighter).

I am improving and I am enjoying myself in the process. I normally would never have gone for a run in 90 degree weather, but I did that on Tuesday. I tried to talk myself out of it, and the old me would have fallen for the old excuse trick, but not this Tracy. No, I went for my run. I told myself to go slow and steady. My slow and steady pace ended up being the close to my normal pace and one mile was faster than normal and I felt great doing it.

So what if my miles are 12 and a half minute miles. Who really cares? I'm not out there at the front of the line trying to win these races and I'm okay with never doing so. I don't run races for that reason. I really don't think anyone will think less of me when I tell them that my fastest marathon time is 5 hours and 53 minutes. And if they do, then that's on them. It doesn't take away my pride of completing the marathon and the joy of the PR I got that day.

I have got to stop comparing myself to others because when I start to compare that's when I lose my drive. And this motivation has got to stick around for a long while considering how many races I have scheduled and how many races I plan to sign up for in the future. I am fast enough, I am good enough, I am enough.