I have been running for almost three and a half years. Since the beginning of my running "career" I have more often than not been running for someone else. Obviously I'm the one doing the running, but it's been in support of someone else.
My first 5K was with my sister. My first 10K/Mud Run was with my sister. My first half marathon was with my sister. My first marathon was with my sister.
In fact, the reason I started running again was for my sister.
Since I decided to run with her I knew that my pace would be her pace, my finishing time would be the same as her finishing time, my training schedule would fit around her schedule. I was pushing my body to new limits, but I was never really pushing myself to be better, faster or stronger. I never had to because I was comfortable just running with her at her pace.
The Turkey Trot two years ago was my first opportunity to run any sort of race alone. It was a much different experience. Not better or worse, just different. It was weird going alone and knowing that there was no one there to talk to beforehand or celebrate with afterwards. It was just me. And me in social situations = awkward.
I don't believe I spoke more than two words to anyone while I was there. In fact I believe my total word count for the day was two word... "Thank you" to the volunteer who handed me my medal at the end.
I was a little more vocal at my first solo half marathon, the Arroyo Creek half a year ago. Most likely it was because our running group was there and although I ran it alone, I was more comfortable knowing that there were people there that I knew and that were going to be there for me at the finish line. There was one other runner that I spoke to that I didn't know. We pushed each other the last 2 miles or so. It felt great to know that I was helping someone dig deeper since they were doing the same for me.
It felt very different training for these races because I was doing it alone. I was pushing myself to limits I didn't know I had. I was uncomfortable most of the time because I was reaching new top speeds and usually training alone. I had to find something inside of myself that I wasn't aware existed. It felt very different, but the pride I felt when finishing alone was a very different feeling then when I finished races with Rachel. I got to celebrate my finish, not our finish.
To be honest, for a while I was a very selfish runner. It had been mentioned in our training group that there were openings for pace group leaders. At the time it sparked my interest, but not enough. I wanted to be able to go for my long run and focus on myself and not the other members in the pace group. Of course we did talk and we were looking out for one another, but I was able to be focused more on myself than anyone else, and I liked it that way.
And I'm looking forward to doing it a lot more next year. Since I am planning on running a race every month (half marathon distance or further) I will be doing a lot of running alone. That works for me because then I can train at my pace and focus on me.
I wouldn't trade those runs with my sister for anything because our relationship grew stronger and we became closer as siblings and as friends, but it's difficult to want to push yourself and not be able to.
And yet, that's what I'm doing right now. I know it probably doesn't make any sense to want one thing but to do another, and yet that is exactly what I am doing.
I am currently working with my niece to help train her for the Simi Valley 5K in September. This will be her second 5K, but it's been a while since her first and her body needs to get used to running again. Since she is 9 years old and hasn't done much running recently we are starting out at 30:1 intervals and taking it slow. It feels weird to go out there to run and not push myself, but at the same time the pride I have in her for getting out there and doing it takes over and I know that it is so worth it.
I'm not sure if this post even makes any sense, but basically what I'm saying is that sometimes it feels really good to be a selfish runner and go out there for a run that is solely for you. Other times, it is so worth it to pull yourself back and be there for someone else.
I knew back then that I didn't want to be a pace group leader because my heart wasn't in the right place to help someone else. I had already done that for my sister for so long that I honestly just wanted to see what I could do. I've reached so many of my own running goals since then that at this point I am ready to help others. I'm not the most knowledgeable, I'm not the fastest and I'm definitely not the best, but I am willing and I am happy to do so.
And of course, knowing that there are races that will be just for me helps too.
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