Positive Positive Positive

I was reading the Weight Watcher's boards the other day when a fellow "boardie" posted a link to a Runner's World article called "Train Your Brain to Run Your Best."

 

It's a great article about positivity and working on your inner critic and it really hit home with me. I highly suggest you read it, runner or not. I personally have the worst inner critic in regards to so many things and a lot of that negativity comes out when I'm running.

 

When I have a difficult run it's usually because of that negative voice telling myself that I can't do it and that it hurts. I'm sure that if I went out there and voiced positive thoughts I could have a great run even if I ran the same distance in the same time.

 



While training for the LA Marathon earlier this year I reached out to our running group leader. I was having some difficulty with shin splints and the final decision was to get new shoes 12 days before the race. I had an insanely tough last long run before getting fitted and I got to the point where I no longer wanted to run LA, let alone run at all ever again.

She said something to me in her email that really snapped me back to reality and made me realize what I was doing to myself. Her original email said the following:

"So after thinking about this for a while and running a few thoughts by John, I have a few things to share/suggest on what's going on with you. The physical aches really do sound like they are primarily the result of not having the right shoes. Knee and arch pain are key indicators of that! I know from running with you that you can be a "heavy hitter" in the landing phase of your gait. Be sure you're thinking about gliding forward, keeping your shoulders back and down, head/neck neutral, chest out, hips tucked slightly under your center of gravity and touch down lightly on your feet. Relax power glide, relax power glide..... I say these things to myself over and over and over and over.

The breathing issues sound very similar to symptoms of anxiety or a panic attack. I know it may sound strange that someone could be running for recreation/enjoyment and be experiencing a panic attack at the same time, but I've seen it happen on many occassions. Before you dismiss this idea completely, hear me out! :-) I have bordered on it myself a couple of times, mostly in the early days of my distance running career. After I ran my first half marathon, I put a ton of pressure on myself to get faster, be a better runner somehow. In the meantime, I was having enormous problems with my IT bands. I mean NOTHING seemed to work. I was stuck at running 5.7mph on the TM and couldn't run farther than 5 or 6 miles at a time without being in a lot of pain. That's when I started reading a lot of Jeff's materials and learned how to focus on my mental state on runs. I'm also a big fan of Dr Phil and he talks a lot about self-talk; the stuff we say to ourselves and how it affects everything in your life.

One day when I was on a long run in Santa Monica, I recall the specific moment I really HEARD the terrible things I was saying to myself. I was having a tough run. One of my IT bands was screaming at me. It was hot. I was by myself and still 6 miles from being done. I even remember that I was eating Sports Beans during this moment of clarity! So there I was, struggling, beating the hell out of myself mentally. "You aren't really a runner", "You'll never be good at this", "Running just isn't my thing, who am I kidding with this distance stuff?", "You can't keep this pace up for another hour", etc etc etc. But this time, I really took inventory of this terrible person in my head, scolding and criticizing me. No wonder I was struggling physically. I hated this internal voice and I made a decision in that moment to stay aware of and change my self talk (at least when I'm running to start with!).

What are you telling yourself on these long runs? How do you mentally prepare for them? When you say you couldn't get your breathing under control on Sunday, what were saying to yourself? Were you being strong and confident Tracy, being your own cheerleader and best supporter or were you beating yourself up, stressing over the distance in front of you, questioning your abilities and motivation? What are you doing to nurture yourself on long runs?

Let me know what you think of all this. I know it's a lot to consider but I think you have more control over your success on these long runs than you're giving yourself credit for!!"

I took it all to heart and listened to what she had to say about how hard I am about myself. I have been told that by so many people (especially recently). I don't see it, but I think if that many people are telling me the same thing then maybe they're right and I need to figure out a way to do things differently.

I responded back to her about what was going on in my mind during these runs and got the following response:

"Well it sounds like you already have a pretty good idea that your running aches & challenges are in fact psychological in nature, just in disguise. Never was there a truer statement made than "Running is a mirror of your life". I have the most wonderful therapist. I'm glad you've found a professional to share your inner most thoughts and feelings with too!

Did you notice what you said about assuming you were having pain because you weren't running enough or trying hard enough? More negative self-talk! What if you were doing everything RIGHT physically but you couldn't get beyond a certain point because of your mental state and the things you were saying to yourself?!? I know you said you had a marathon goal that you didn't feel like trying to hit because you weren't getting positive feedback. I would encourage you to look internally for support to hit your running goals. This isn't about what other people think you can do. This is ALL ABOUT Tracy. I play by the "two races, three goals" rule with the marathon. My three goals are "What I'll be happy with", "my realistic goal", and "my stretch goal". When I DNF'd at Grandma's Marathon in 2011, my "What I'll be happy with" goal permanently became FINISHING. That's it. Every marathon I'm happy with finishing, not disappointed I didn't hit a specific time. My realistic goal is the one I trained specifically for. My stretch goal is usually about 5 minutes faster than my realistic goal.  The "two races" have to do with setting mini distance goals. For LA, my first race is through mile 20. Then I plan on collecting myself a little so I can get ready for the last big hill at the VA in mile 21. Think about how you want to break up your race so you have mini goals along the way. It's a lot like using intervals - breaking up the distance and time into manageable chunks!

Lastly, you can ABSOLUTELY run LA and cross the finish line. Even though you may not have finished out the entire distance you'd hoped for last weekend, you still covered 19 miles. Yes you might have to walk the last 10K, but so what? You are still out there, pushing your limits, moving forward and showing yourself what you're really made of! You still have time to do the mental work you need to get you across that finish line. You put all this time and effort into your training, now it's time to celebrate that on race day!"

 

Obviously I did finish the LA Marathon this year and I did reach my goals and I did it better than I could have imagined.

 

And then I stopped running. And coming back has not been easy. And the voices are back. And they're mostly negative. And I'm fighting like hell to get out of that mind set. And I am starting to realize that I am better than I give myself credit for.

 

I think I've been in the mind set that if I give myself praise for the things I've done then I am showing off and bragging and it's not necessary to be like that because I feel like these things are nothing to brag about. They're not that big of a deal, they're not that amazing and there are plenty of other people in the world who have done these things and done them better. Who am I in the grand scheme of things?

 

These thoughts are one of a few reasons why I took down all of my racing bibs and medals from our living room where they were hanging. I felt like they were too out in the open and I felt like I was bragging about it when in fact I was experiencing pride. And this is why I intend on making a bulletin board with the bibs and medals. I want to show people my accomplishments. They might not be as amazing as some other peoples accomplishments, but they are mine.

 

If I am my own cheerleader then it really doesn't matter who else is rooting for me. Of course I do hope to have that support system whatever I do, but I need to be the one who's in the front row shouting the loudest. And that's what I'm going to start doing. Especially with running.

 

After reading this article I realized that if I go out there and focus on what I'm doing and the positives of that run and only that run then I am unstoppable.

 

Work in progress right here ladies and gentlemen. It's been a long time coming, but I am proud to be a runner. I am proud when I can get out there and run my intervals for miles and miles and miles. I am proud to see the faces of non-runners when I say I'm going for an easy 6 mile run, no big deal. I am proud of my goals that I have for myself. I am proud of how I am getting to those goals. And most of all I am proud of this transformation I am making all around.