Inner Bitch

A couple years ago for Christmas my best friend got me a desk calendar for work. It's one of those daily ones with quotes. It was called "Getting in Touch with your Inner Bitch" and it fit our sense of humor perfectly.

While I was out on medical leave for my wrist, the calendar sat there unread. I came back to work and the date still read March 29, 2012.

It got me thinking about what I did (or didn't) do while I was out on leave and I realized that I did not use my time off wisely. I felt sorry for myself that I couldn't do certain things, like run or shower by myself. There were many occasions where I would cry for no reason because I didn't have the energy to get out of bed that day. Many times Isabel would be in one room watching cartoons all day while I laid in bed because I was in too much pain to get up and couldn't open the bottle of pain relievers (we quickly realized to leave the bottle open in a location that she could not reach). I couldn't sign checks so paying bills was difficult. I was bored all the time so I hung out with my mom a lot which meant we went shopping a lot which meant I spent most of my savings. I gained a lot of weight because if I wasn't shopping then I was eating.

I had such high hopes for what three months off of work would mean for me. A clean house, a closer relationship with my family, less stress, time to workout, etc. All positive things.

I started reading through the calendar, catching up on the quotes and sarcasm I had missed. I started to notice a trend. A lot of the days had thoughts about weight and body types. About accepting your body. About being positive.

In a time that I so desperately hated my body and what I had done to it, I needed those quotes. So I saved them. And I want to share them with you. This is the second year I have received the calendar as a gift and I truly hope I get another one this year!

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"I wish I had known as a teenager what I know today about my body, that whatever the shape or size, it's perfect." - Felicity Huffman

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." - Buddha. Your Inner Bitch wants you to be as nice to yourself as you are to everyone else.

"The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. There's just you, this moment and a choice." - Oprah Winfrey. Your Inner Bitch wants you to make the most of all three of these things.

You know all those magazines on the stands right now that are promising you a "beach ready body" in six weeks? In honor of Earth Day, leave them on the racks- and consider learning how to enjoy the body you have now.

Inner Bitch Food for Thought: Let's just stop saying "I've been really bad!" when all we've done is eat a little chocolate cake. It was just chocolate cake,  no need to judge so harshly.

Be yourself- some people will adore you, some won't. Your Inner Bitch wants you to remember this is your life and it's up to you to live it the way that works for you.

Today is "Do One Thing Just for You Day." Work out. Use your lunch hour to read a chapter of your favorite book. Order your favorite take-out for dinner. Your Inner Bitch wants you to choose what will make you happiest.

Today is "Focus on Your Strengths Day." Instead of concentrating on self improvement, your Inner Bitch wants you to spend today thinking about how great you really are. Because you are really great.

Today is "I'm Good Enough Day." Because your Inner Bitch knows how many days you've spent thinking you weren't.

Your Inner Bitch wants you to be comfortable in your own skin. So make peace with your thighs, your size, your hair color, and if you can't make peace, do what you can to change them.

We all have clothing that's going to fit "when I lose 5 pounds." Your Inner Bitch wants you to dress the body you have right now.