Confessions of a Running Mom

Everything in my life changed the day I found out that I was going to be a mom. Everything.

My life as a twenty-one year old went from going out almost every night with friends to figuring out how I was going to be able to afford a child. From bottles of alcohol to bottles of milk. From being selfish and spoiled to caring about nothing else but this small human being that I helped create.

Nothing else mattered. Especially not my needs. And since I had very little help from Isabel's father I didn't really have a choice.

I don't say that for pity, I say it because I chose for it to be that way. I didn't ask for help because I could handle it all. It was just the way it was. I accepted it.

So it took me a while to understand that I need to take care of me too. To do things that I enjoy too. To take a break every once in a while.

Losing weight and getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight was important to me, but not as important as other things. Like Isabel. And sleep. I didn't workout like crazy. I didn't focus on eating well. I lost some weight, but not much. It wasn't until I became a single mom that I put more of an effort towards my body. I mean, that was an obvious reason as to why he left, especially because he told me as much. If I couldn't keep the father of my child who saw me at my very worst, how could I attract anyone with the body I had.

So I became obsessed and lost the weight and then some. I still wasn't happy with my body because pregnancy and c-sections do crazy things, but I was at least at an "ideal" weight and an "ideal" size.

Running came into my life on my 25th birthday. Well, it was a small part of my life before then, but I crossed my first finish line on that day and I have not looked back since. But it hasn't always been easy.

Confessions of a Running Mom is going to be my place to write down some of the things I think about while I'm out on a run. A place to talk about the guilt I feel when I choose to go for a run or to the gym instead of going straight home after work. The feeling I get when I leave for a workout and she has to say goodbye three times before I leave and run into my arms when I get home after an hour like I've been gone for a year.

I have been very lucky with the support I've received from family members, especially my parents and my husband. But emotionally it hasn't always been easy and I have fallen victim to the guilt more than a few times and have skipped a run in order to stay home with her.

I'm sure there are plenty of people who have more responsibilities than I do who are able to do a lot more than I am, but I know that having a place to write down these thoughts and feelings will be beneficial for me. I am only human and can only do so much in a day, but I have to make myself a priority as well as my children and family. There is no argument that when I am working out and eating healthy then I am a happier person all around. And what husband and child doesn't want a happy wife and mom?