Eating Healthy for Training Purposes

I have been told that losing weight is 80% eating healthy and 20% working out. I think I have the working out part down, at least I enjoy doing it more than I do eating healthy. But the problem is, working out will only bring me so far.

Weight loss is important to me, but I think that it is important for all of the wrong reasons.

I was listening to a Jillian Michael's podcast yesterday while at work and something hit me, and it hit me hard. She was talking to a girl who had lost 117 pounds and was trying to get off the last 30 or so pounds. After talking to her for a while, they got to the heart of the matter. She kept sabotaging herself and would get stuck at certain points along her journey. It finally came out that she was losing weight for someone else, her father. He had passed away over ten years prior, yet she was still trying to get his approval of her.

I feel odd admitting this, but I think that I am trying to lose weight for someone else as well. No, not Patrick. Not even my children.

For some reason, if I really think about it (and believe me, I do not want to be thinking about it), I am trying to lose weight for my ex. I think it's half for approval and half for vain reasons. No, I do not want him back. No, his opinion really does not matter to me. No, I do not plan on seeing him anytime soon if ever (I'm hoping for never). But our relationship really messed me up in more ways than one and I think I pushed it so far down that I am sometimes caught off guard by these feelings.

I am never going to find success in any weight loss journey if I do it for someone else. That is just setting myself up for failure. He didn't love me or treat me with respect when I was at my lowest weight, when I had confidence in myself and how I looked. He didn't love me or treat me with respect when I was at my highest adult weight and carrying his child. He didn't support me when I tried to lose that weight. He didn't support me in raising our child. And when he left he chose to beat me when I was down. He made excuses that broke my spirit and any self confidence I had in myself vanished and has not been seen since.

So I have yo-yo'd with me weight for over 6 years. Each time trying to lose weight to look better for someone else, never for myself.

I came to a realization tonight..

I think I am putting too much emphasis on eating healthy for weight loss. The scale is not budging (and has been going up) and it has just been frustrating me beyond belief.

I have low self esteem as it is. Obviously.

I'm just starting to weigh in monthly to prevent the mood swings brought on by weighing myself. Today I came to the realization that I need to stop trying to eat healthy for weight loss. Instead I need to eat healthy for training.

I think if I focus on training and working out, to the point of dedication (to certain family members obsession) then I have goals I can more easily obtain. I need some successes. If I focused then the weight loss and everything else should fall into place.

I may not praise myself enough, but I have more confidence in myself when I reach certain physical goals (completing my first marathon, PRing my half marathon time, PRing my full marathon time, attempting Dopey). If I switch my goals from eating healthier foods (with the occasional treat) for weight loss to eating healthier foods to fuel my body to make it through intense training runs, long gym days and other measurable fitness goals then maybe (no promises!) I will finally see some success in the weight loss department.

Yes, I realize that this does mean that I will be trying to lose weight, but the focus will be on fueling my body. You can't fuel your body with Swedish fish, Jelly Bellies and ice cream, even if it does fit into your calorie goal for the day.

Who knows, but I think switching gears may be what pushes me to that next level of success.