Monday May 20th

Day one. 

It's never easy to get started and yet the first day seems to be my most motivated day. I get all gung-ho and I have the most confidence in myself on that first day.

It just depends on how long it lasts that matters. I want this to last a lifetime, so day one needed to be a strong one. It needed to be a day full of motivation to look back on and remember why I started this in the first place and how well I did starting out. 

I know there will be tough days, but today was not one of them. I did not feel hungry and enjoyed the food I did eat. I did not try to make excuses to not work out. 

 

I went so far as to cook dinner! EEK! Granted it was a simple meal from Dream Dinners that I just needed to stick in the oven and put a few things in the microwave (corn and refried beans). I measured out my servings and I put the leftovers away right away in order to prevent going back for seconds. Plus, now I have lunch for tomorrow.

 

Here is the highlights of my first day:



I weighed myself first thing this morning.

And took my measurements.

Then I went for a two mile walk.

At my favorite location.

Best place to walk and/or run.

 

Then I did my arm workout (minus the pushups and tricep dips).

And then I did one round of level one (still a good workout!)

And I looked like this after.

And I tracked everything all day.

 

I can only hope that the following days will continue to be easy for me so that I can keep this positive feeling going. I worked out for 45 minutes to 1 hour and that was enough to not only sweat, but to feel and enjoy those endorphins for the rest of the day. I feel happy, genuinely happy, for the first time in over 2 months.

 

And I cannot wait to run tomorrow!

Weigh In #1

I told myself that I needed to step on the scale. In order to make progress, I need to know where I'm starting from. So I bit the bullet and stepped on the scale this morning. I also took my measurements for reference. I plan to take measurements monthly. Sometimes it helps to measure both because the scale not always shows your progress the way you'd like, but often at these times the measurements will have changed.

I wasn't thrilled with what I saw the first time I stepped on the scale. I thought maybe the batteries were low or that the scale was in a weird spot on the floor that can't register weight correctly. Maybe the planets are unaligned or one of a hundred other reasons for the fact that I've gained over 20 pounds since my wedding in October.

But when I stepped on the scale a second time and saw the same number I realized that there was no use in crying or feeling upset. That is my official weight. I got myself here and it's up to me (and only me) to get myself out. This is my starting point.

I decided to make my weigh-in day Monday morning because I believe that it will help hold me accountable for the entire weekend. It's the start of the week and gives me the weekend to plan out the new week. I have a tendency to go overboard with eating on the weekends, so by making my weigh in on Monday I have hope that I can stay in control.

I'm not quite sure what my end weight goal is going to be for a few reasons:
1. I want to be at a weight that is a healthy weight for my height. I am 5'9", so an ideal weight ranges from 135-168 pounds.
2. I'm starting up training again, so the weight isn't going to come off as easy when I'm dedicated to running and still trying to find that exercise/food balance.
3. I have yet to decide what program I plan on using. As of right now I am using Weight Watchers, however my plan material is slightly outdated and I'm not sure if I want to pay to use the online program. I know meetings work better for me, however that's not in our budget right now. There are free programs out there that I've tried, I'm just not sure what I want to use yet.
4. I know what weight I would like to be ideally, but I don't think it's a realistic weight to try to maintain.
5. I want to be less concerned with a number and more concerned with what I'm eating, how I feel and how my clothes fit.

I have decided that I will be taking a picture and posting in Monday mornings in order to stay accountable. It's something I feel I need to do in order to keep tracking and hopefully to see progress of my weight going down.

So here it is... Weigh-in #1.

Weight:















Measurements:
Arm (L)- 12.75"
Thigh (L)- 26"
Bust- 40"
Waist- 36"
Hips- 44.25"

BMI- 26.8= overweight

Before pictures:

Week One Goals

I like setting goals for myself, however my mentality for these goals are either success or fail. I don't think this way of thinking is healthy for me right now, or at all to be honest.

But I do think that making goals, both short and long term are beneficial so that I have something to focus on and work towards. But my goal shouldn't be perfection like it was when I was labeling it as success or fail. My goal should be improvement, and that's something that is manageable.

My plan as of now is to make weekly goals for myself. They will be the same each week, but I think that it's important to track my progress in order to visually see what's working and more importantly what's not. If something stops working then I will reevaluate and try something else.

I need to set realistic goals. I need to set myself up for success so that I have a chance at making this work.

Goals:

1. *Drink at least 6 glasses of water every day.

2. *Journal food, every single bite.

3. *Follow planned workout schedule.

4. Continue reading Love Your Body, Love Your Life.

5. *No fast food.

6. *No regular soda.

7. *Stay off the scale except for weigh-in day.

8. *Write one positive about myself a day.

9. Make motivation wall

10. Take pride in my appearance by wearing makeup, styling my hair and wearing an outfit that makes me feel good.

*My plan is to track these goals visually in my food journal. I plan on using check marks to track my water intake and stickers to track exercise for the day, no fast food, no regular soda and staying off of the scale. I am a visual person, so earning the stickers will be a good way to see what I need to work on.

I think I might make a non-food related reward system for myself for earning a certain number of stickers monthly. A type of simple, inexpensive way to treat myself when I do well. Something simple like a new song on iTunes or a new book from the used book store.

I'll be tracking four of the goals using stickers, so I feel a reasonable monthly goal would be to earn 100 stickers a month. Obviously this reward system will have to start in June so I can go the whole month, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to get in the habit of tracking it all now. It's time to make this a habit that sticks!

Weekly Workout: Week One: May 20th-May 26th

This plan is what I hope to do this week. I am not 100% sure if I will be released to start working out yet, but I have hope for tomorrow's appointment. I am pretty sure that I will not be able to perform all of the moves in the below workouts (namely the push ups in the arm workout and the burpees in the Ab DVD).

 

I do plan on following the below plan as best as I can based on what I physically can do. Therefore I will most likely be modifying the workouts for this first week so that my body can get used to working out again. I need to remember that it doesn't have to be an all or nothing first week. I am allowed to adjust if needed. I think the main thing I need to remember is that I am basically starting over, and I need to start small in order to reach my goals.

 

I am my own worst critic, and I know that I tend to think that I'm not doing enough. I need to remember that I am enough and starting a workout routine is a major step in the right direction.



 

Monday May 20th: Walk/Arms/Abs

Tuesday May 21st: Run/Arms/Legs

Wednesday May 22nd: Walk/Jillian Michael's Yoga DVD

Thursday May 23rd: Run/Arms/Abs

Friday May 24th: Walk/Arms/Abs

Saturday May 25th: Long Run/Arms/Legs

Sunday May 26th: Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD (Level One)

 

Walk: (Monday, Wednesday and Friday) 2 miles

Run: (Tuesday and Thursday) 2 miles

Long Run: 3.1 miles

Arm Workout:
10 Pushups
15 Tricep Kickbacks
15 Bicep Curls
15 Shoulder Press
10 Pushups
20 Bent-Over Rows
15 Front Raises
15 Lateral Raises
10 Push Ups
20 Tricep Dips
15 Fly (laying on back)
15 Chest Press
30 Second Plank

Leg Workout:
20 High Knees
15 Butt Kickers
10 Squats
20 Lunges (10 each leg)
10 Side Lunges (5 each leg)
20 Donkey Kicks (10 each leg)
10 Plie Squats
20 Side Lunges (10 each leg)
30 Second Wall Sit
30 Donkey Kicks (15 each leg)
10 Plie Squats
30 Skaters
10 Donkey Kicks (5 each leg)
20 Plie Squats
10 Lunges (5 each leg)
10 Side Lunges (5 each leg)
10 Squats

Ab Workout:
Jillian Michael's Ab DVD (Level One)

Chapter Two: How We Learned to Hate Our Bodies

As I continue to read Love Your Body, Love Your Life by Sarah Maria I realize that this book is exactly what I needed to read to help me get to a positive place. I wasn't even in the book store to look for a book for me. In fact, I found this book as I was heading to the front door to leave and it caught my eye.

Chapter Two focuses on understanding where the negative body obsessions started and how understanding the cause of the negativity can help you heal and move forward to a more positive place in your mind.

Unfortunately, I have no idea where my negativity comes from. I cannot pinpoint a specific moment and there were no traumatic events from my childhood that I can blame. Nothing out of the ordinary other than some intense teasing from 6th grade through my senior year of high school, but not enough to put me in such a negative place over ten years later.

The book lists the following as contributing factors to the problem: media, your brain, fast food/computers and your parents. 

For me, these are the top ten points that I  have taken from the second chapter:

"The root cause of NBO is not realizing that each and every one of us is intrinsically beautiful and inherently valuable exactly as we are, right now."

"Most people live from a place of delusion and illusion, believing that they need to change something or hold on to something in order to be beautiful, desirable, adequate, and worthwhile, and this is what we see reflected in our culture." 

"It's important to realize that beauty, or attractiveness, is a socially constructed phenomenon that changes constantly. As societies evolve and change, so does their concept of the 'ideal' body."

"It is only when you uncover and uproot the ultimate illusion- that you need to change in order to be beautiful, lovable, and worthwhile- that you can begin to change yourself, the media, and ultimately the world around you."

"Diet and lifestyle choices that you make from a place of love and acceptance have a far greater chance of success than ones premised on shame and inadequacy." 

"Self-acceptance and self-love provide you with the courage, the energy, and the enthusiasm to make choices that move you further in the direction of health and well-being." 

"It is only possible to accept others unconditionally when you accept yourself unconditionally."

"Although there are a variety of contributing factors, NBO has ultimately been caused and perpetuated by an erroneous reality that places your sense of self-worth in how you look, what you have, and what other people think of you."

"The solution comes from deciding to change your thought patterns and create a different reality."

"As you come to truly know yourself, your reaction to the media will change; your brain will be healed; you can break free from any limiting beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors that are keeping you trapped."

I can already tell this is going to be one of those books that I will read repeatedly and gain so much from. I feel like it's almost too good to be true, to find exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it. But at the same time I think that's why I found it.

I'm Not Goofy, I'm Dopey!

It's been almost two years since I heard about the Goofy Challenge. It didn't take me long to decide that I would, without a doubt, complete this race at some point in my life. I was so sure that I put it on my bucket list.

I started saving for it by paying myself $1 for every 1 mile I walked and/or ran.

Then something happened and I needed to use part of that savings. Then I needed to buy gifts for my bridesmaids for the wedding and ended up wiping out all of that savings. I tried to pay myself back little by little, but things would come up and that would be the first place I would go.

Then I got into this little kick about saving as much as I can and paying off as much debt as I can. I came to the decision that I would not be running The Goofy Challenge any time soon. I really think that it was the best decision for me at the time.

I thought that something like The Goofy Challenge is something that will have to wait until after we have a house and other things that we need as a married couple. Not something I want as a runner. But the dream of running it wasn't gone, just put on hold for a while.

And then I received an email from my sister with the following:
Dopey Challenge - for the ultimate endurance test, sign up for the all-new Dopey Challenge where registrants will run the 5K, 10K, Half Marathon and Marathon. In addition to earning the four race medals, Dopey Challenge participants who complete all four races will also receive the Goofy Challenge and all-new Dopey Challenge Finisher Medals for a grand total of six pieces of "bling!"

I decided to not do the goofy challenge in 2014 for financial reasons, but now that I am out of credit card debt and we are actively saving for a house, I want to run Dopey in 2015. Plenty of time to train and save. I figure that as long as I continue to save a small amount per paycheck then I should be able to easily reach my goal.

I've added a visual tracker to watch my progress as I work on saving up enough money for the races, a flight and a hotel. Since I don't want to travel alone (or complete this race without some mental, emotional and physical support), I'll need to save up enough money for Patrick to go with me.

I think that this will be my ultimate physical challenge and I can't wait to prove to myself that I have the discipline to train for it and the stamina to complete it! It's going to be one heck of a journey for the next year and a half, but I couldn't imagine a better physical and mental test to put myself through.

I'm not crazy or even goofy. I'm freaking dopey!!

Tale of the Scale

While on the Weight Watchers message boards a while ago a fellow "boardie" asked the following question:

"When it comes to losing weight, do you base your weight loss success more on :

1.) the number on the scale
2.) how your clothes fit
3.) how you feel
4.) your energy level"

The question really hit home with me due to my past obsession and love/hate relationship with my scale.

For me, I used to base my weight loss success solely on the number I saw when I stood on the scale. It didn't matter how I did during the week, what I ate or how much I exercised. None of that mattered if I didn't see the number I wanted. I was focusing on being "skinny" not being "healthy".

After I started training for the marathon I realized that it was more important to me to focus on training, while still eating healthy, but not necessarily putting as much energy towards it. That slowly evolved into me not tracking at all and not paying any attention to what I was putting in my body. I was burning so many calories while I was training that I got into the mindset that I could eat whatever I wanted and believe me, I did.

At that time I still felt great. My clothes fit fairly well, but the number on the scale wouldn't move or would go up. It was frustrating because I was running so much that it should have outweighed the damage I was doing. It didn't. And although I physically felt great, each week I would mentally beat myself up after seeing that number on the scale.

I realized at some point that the number on the scale is just that, a number. It doesn't define me as a person. It doesn't make me a good person. It doesn't make me a good wife or mother. It doesn't define me and it shouldn't define my happiness. It doesn't mean anything... unless I allow it to. That number shouldn't mean anything when I can look in the mirror and have even the slightest bit of confidence, something that I rarely have.

When the marathon was over and my training schedule involved a lot less mileage my eating habits should have followed and changed as well. They did not. Excuse after excuse was used. I could come up with any excuse to not exercise and the line I used most often was that I would start over tomorrow.. Tomorrow turned into almost 3 months before I had had enough.

I came to that realization over a year ago. Since then it has been one hell of an emotional and physical roller coaster. I felt great with myself for a short period of time. I was running, eating better and I completed the full 30 Day Shred workout DVD. My body was looking so much better and my self esteem was improving with my body.

But the motivation went away shortly before our wedding in October of last year. I was working out like crazy before my final dress alteration and then I realized that I couldn't focus on losing inches anymore because I didn't want my dress falling off of me as I walked down the aisle (a stupid fear, I know). I was still losing weight up until the day of the wedding because the stress will do that to you. I literally did not have an appetite for that final week leading up to the "I Do's".

We went on our honeymoon and my mentality went from "I have to look fabulous in my dress" to "I want to eat ALL THE THINGS!!!" And boy did I!

Since then my motivation and my weight have literally gone from zero to extreme and back to zero so many times that I have lost count. It's embarrassing to say the least that I have lost control of myself and cannot get myself back to where I want to be.

I feel like I'm back to being dependent on what the scale says and I've been here for a while. I'll weigh myself every morning. I'll question why I see a gain. Sometimes it's clear (what I ate the night before, how much sodium I've had, how many meals included carbs, etc) but sometimes I can have a really good week and still see a gain. And then there are other times (like recently) when I stay off of the scale altogether.

I'd really like to get back to not caring about the number and caring about how I feel. I need to remember that when I gain a pound (or any amount for that matter) that it's not the end of the world and most likely other people can't/don't notice it the way I do. Same with losing. People are not going to notice.

I know that I was happier when the number on the scale was just a number. And I'm really hoping to get back to that place soon.

Starting Monday I will weigh myself once a week to track my progress. I'm going to try to use the number as a way to measure and not let it define me depending on what it says. I'm a little nervous to see what that first weigh in will bring for me mentally, but I need to take that first step in order to know where I'm starting. I'm looking forward to starting this journey to a healthier me!