Confessions of a Running Mom

I started Christmas shopping this past weekend.

I have been wanting to start for awhile, but knew that it was way too early. Then while running on Saturday I decided that it was about that time to start. We're just over 3 months away and I really do not want a repeat of what happened last year.

Last year Patrick and I were financially struggling. We both had debt and we didn't have any extra money to spend on our families and friends. It was embarrassing and pretty upsetting to not be able to celebrate the way I wanted to.

I know that our families don't care whether we bring them gifts or not. There's not one person in our family that I can think of that is that materialistic. However, it is frustrating to go celebrate and receive gifts that people have spent time and money on and simply hand over a gift card.

The year before last I went way over the top. To the point of surpassing our agreed upon budget by close to $1000. At that time Patrick and I had our finances separate as we were not married yet and it took me close to 6 months to admit that I had over spent and put myself into more debt so that I could buy things. I didn't ask him to pay me back, but it did cause a discussion to happen for last years Christmas so that we would stick to our budget.

Our finances were separate last year as well. From what I remember I do believe that we stayed extremely close to our agreed upon budget. And then I decided that I wanted to open a savings account specifically to save for Christmas. We would transfer $25 a paycheck to that savings account and by the time Christmas rolled around we would have an extra $600 saved away. It would feel like less of a financial burden and I would be able to have more fun this year shopping for our family and friends.

The only thing I like more than shopping for myself is shopping for other people.

I made our list of friends and family that we need to shop for this year and our list is HUGE. I'm sure it's not as bad as most people's but we have decided to expand just a little to include more of our family this year. In expanding our list we will be getting each person something smaller or homemade, but we will still be spreading the Christmas joy.

I decided to start early because I don't like waiting until the last minute. It causes anxiety that I feel I can prevent. So I decided to start with Target, TJMaxx and Michael's. I also plan on going to Home Goods and Marshall's soon. I think that these stores tend to get new merchandise weekly and if I go once a month I should be able to find good products for everyone on our list for less.

The bonus kids only want cash this Christmas, so I am trying to find them little things here and there (mainly clothing) and then find creative ways to gift them money. I don't want to simply hand over an envelope, so I have been searching pinterest for ideas. There are some pretty cute pins.

Isabel should be the easiest to shop for. She's still young enough that toys, clothes, basically anything really is still exciting. I am contemplating going a little over the top and buying her an iPod touch so that she can stop bothering Leah to play on hers, but I am a little worried that she's too young and will end up losing it.

I just have so many ideas for everyone, so it's going to be a lot of fun getting everything together, especially the DIY gifts. I am glad that I am giving myself plenty of time to get all of those done because there are quite a few.

Patrick thinks I'm taking on too much, but as long as I stay organized and keep a list (and check it twice) then I should be okay. I am so grateful that he is showing his appreciation as well. It's nice to be recognized for the little things I do and I know that this is not his forte. I love that man, but I do not know how he can go out on December 24th to do his shopping (and he only has one person to shop for!)

Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself

1. I am thankful that I am trying to become a more organized person. I am at the point in my life where I want everything to have a place and for everything to be picked up and put away by the end of the day. It may not always happen and I may not always enforce it, but it's what I mentally want to have happen and I think I am attempting to take the steps necessary to make it happen (getting rid of things I do not want/need/use as well as making a chore chart so that Patrick and I feel equal and both participate).

2. I am thankful that I am physically active. I may not always do the workouts I have scheduled or even get in as many as I would like, but I am active and I always feel good and enjoy the endorphins after a good workout. Even simply getting through 5 days of the squats challenge has shown me that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for and I am really enjoying the sore thighs and rear end already.

3. I am thankful that I am willing to put my training on the back burner for others. Sometimes I am able to get in my alone training just for me and I am so grateful for those runs, but I am also so happy to run with other people and to spread the love I have of running to others. Sometimes it's important for me to focus on my run and the things I need to make it through, but most of the time I am so much more interested in seeing other people succeed and reach their goals.

4. I am thankful that I am still excited about our finances and that things are going fairly well. We have been able to make it each week with a little left over. Not much, but enough to feel like there is a bit of a safety net. This paycheck and last paycheck we were even able to transfer extra over to our house savings. We're making progress and that's the important part. I'm also really excited because we are making progress in paying off the rest of Patrick's debt and should be done paying it off by this time next year (if not sooner!)

5. I am thankful that I am feeling sore from the squat challenge. It seems silly because today is only day 5 and I will only be doing 40 squats today, but for some reason it feels different this time around. I think it's because I am taking my time each squat and getting down lower as well as focusing on the movement instead of just getting it done to say it's done. I like feeling sore when I feel like I've earned it.

Five things I am thankful for in life

1. I am thankful that I have had a job with the same company for 3 years. My official anniversary date is September 20th, but I should be receiving my bonus check anytime between now and that date. My goal about a year ago (when things weren't going so well at the office due to people who have bad attitudes and negative personalities) my goal was to make it to the three year mark in order to receive my bonus and because I think that's a good amount of time to be with a company before starting to look for a new job. Well, I've made it. I'll be receiving my bonus. I was recently promoted. And that negative person is no longer working here. Although it would be helpful to make more money, Patrick and I aren't that bad off and if needed I could try to find something so that I can work from home to make a few extra dollars a month to help. I think that it would be worth it right now to stay where I'm at because what I've seen in the want ad's are not offering close to what I make now.

2. I am still thankful for my wonderful parents. I do not know what we would do without them and we are so incredibly lucky. My mom picks up Isabel every day from school unless Patrick is off of work and it is so comforting to know that she's with someone we know, love and trust. She then has to go back to the same school to pick up my niece and her two friends, take her friends to the Boys and Girls Club. It's a lot of driving and a lot of stress, especially when the girls don't get along (which is more often than not). I feel as though my parents did a pretty good job raising my sister and I. We've never had trouble with the law, we've never done drugs, we made mistakes but learned and grew from them, we both have decent jobs and we are both married to pretty awesome men. My parents raised us into good people and I know that their influence on Isabel will help her become a good person as well.

3. I am thankful that I have my new GPS watch. It is amazing and I love uploading my workouts onto my computer. I didn't know that my other GPS watch could do the same and I was able to get it to work for a short amount of time to download those past workouts. I don't want to take this watch off because it doubles as a regular watch. I use it for every walk and/or run so that I can keep track of my progress. I love when something so simple can push you to workout longer and harder. I want to keep seeing the miles increase and the speed increase and every thing else that it offers to track is just icing on top of a pretty sweet cake.

4. I am thankful that we are going to be having a garage sale sometime soon (not quite sure when). We have already started going through our apartment to get rid of the things that we no longer want/need/use and I just downloaded a declutter calander (password: iamorganized) to make sure we get through the entire apartment and really end up getting rid of the unnecessary items as well as clean/organize what we keep. I am excited for this project and even more excited for the money we may make to put towards debt and savings. Most likely (depending on how much we make) we will put a third towards our past (debt), a third towards our future (savings) and a third towards the present (a night out).

5. This week I am most thankful for my husband. On Sunday we had quite a scare and I would really like to never experience anything like it again. Patrick has had a neck problem for as long as I have known him and it has gone on before that. He recently started seeing a doctor for the problem because it finally became unmanageable. On Sunday the pain was more than he could bare, so he decided to take two muscle relaxers. Unfortunately he had also been out in the heat, he didn't have enough to eat and he had a beer. The mixture of everything caused him to almost pass out, become extremely jittery, slur his words and have a difficult time focusing and responding, and all around scare the living day lights out of me. I was not aware of all of the factors when the symptoms first came on and I would have sworn I thought he was having a stroke. An ambulance ride, 5 hours in the ER and an IV of fluids later and he became the man I know. They did do a scan of his head to make sure it was not a stroke (which scared me even more when they thought it could be a reason to the behavior), but thankfully that came back clear. I love this man so much, and the thought of losing him was almost more than I could bare. Thankfully he is alright though and we did have an appointment with his doctor to go over the MRI results. As of right now he needs to focus on taking his anti-inflammatory twice a day, icing his neck every day and using heat every night. He will be starting physical therapy soon. If that doesn't help then most likely he will see a surgeon. Fingers crossed that the physical therapy helps and that he follows through doing what he needs to do.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

 February 2009- Isabel's one year pictures

I had a friend of mine take pictures a few weeks before Isabel's first birthday so that I would have some new pictures of her to put up for the family to see. I know that at that time I was concerned that I hadn't lost all of the baby weight and that I would be doomed to carry it around with me forever.

I did eventually lose what I had gained and then some. And then it quickly came back on.

But looking at these pictures now, four and a half years later I don't see my weight. I'm not looking at my body. I'm looking at my smile and how in love I am with a little girl that makes any room she walks into brighter. She has been such a bundle of joy since the day she was born and I cannot believe how she has changed since the day she was born and how she has changed my life.

Currently

Loving: My home. Although it's not as big as I'd like (or we need sometimes), it is enough. I know that by us staying in a smaller apartment we are saving money to eventually buy a house. I've often thought about us renting a three bedroom apartment while we save for a house, but to be honest the thought of packing, unpacking and the extra money we'd be paying a month just does not seem worth it to me. Instead I feel as though our apartment can be decorated and the furniture arranged to be our home. There is nothing better than coming home to a clean apartment and enjoying the patio that has plants and flowers. I love having our books and miscellaneous decor set just right. There's something calming about it.

Reading: I am reading House Rules by Jodi Picoult. Although her books tend to be about difficult topics (such as suicide, cancer, school shootings, etc) there is something about them that draws me in. I have read a few of her books so far and hope to finishih reading all of them (I just have to finish my collection) because they are so well written. I have yet to be disappointed and I really do think she is my favorite author. This book so far has grabbed my attention from the very first page. I have enjoyed reading before bed, on the patio with a glass of wine and I definitely enjoy reading it while on the stationary bike at the gym.

Watching: Patrick and I just finished watching the second season of Sherlock (the BBC version). I've seen all of the episodes before, but he had only watched the first episode with me. I finally talked him into watching the last two episodes. And now we do the waiting game before the next season premieres sometime in 2014. This is one of my all time favorite television shows, so it's difficult to accept that the seasons are only three episodes each and that it takes a year or two between seasons. In the meantime I will have to try to find something to hold my attention. Maybe I'll continue watching How I Met Your Mother on DVD or even finish up the last few seasons I have on DVD for Grey's Anatomy. I'm not a huge fan of most things on TV right now and it takes me quite a while to start something new, including a new movie, so it might just be the same old things for now.

Anticipating: Patrick and I will be going to two concerts this month. The first is tomorrow in Santa Barbara. Patrick bought tickets for us to go see Jason Mraz for my birthday in March. He is one of my favorite artists and the gift was greatly appreciated (even if I had to wait almost 6 months to enjoy it). I know that this is not really his type of music, so the fact that he is willing to go spend the day with me listening to it is pretty amazing if you ask me. To return the favor (and because no one else was able to go with him), I bought Patrick tickets for us to go see Iron Maiden and Megadeth on September 13th. This is his type of music and definitely not mine, so it's a pretty even trade off. I told him my number one rule was that I would not partake in any mosh pits and that I may require earplugs and a lot of alcohol. I just felt so bad when his brother said he couldn't go. I know this is something he's been looking forward to since he found out they were going to be in concert nearby.

Planning: Patrick and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary next month. I absolutely cannot believe that it has been a year already and I think that, even though we've had a few hiccups along the way, we are more in love now then we were a year ago. I truly believe that our wedding was perfect and there is nothing that I would have done differently. Not one thing. We have briefly discussed what we would like to do for the weekend of our anniversary, but we are on a tight budget because we are saving to buy a house so most likely we will end up going to a nice dinner and a cheap movie. Nothing too big and fancy, but then again that's not the type of people we are. I did suggest staying in a hotel for the night of our anniversary, but even that seems a little unnecessary. We'll see though. Maybe we'll find a good deal this month for something close by that we can enjoy together.

Working on: My new craft project. I have really been enjoying putting together medal and bib holders and am seriously thinking about trying to sell them at a local craft show close to Christmas. It will probably have to wait until next year so that I can figure out the best technique to use for the best results and so that I can make quite a few to sell. I am really interested in some extra income for our household and I really enjoy crafting. I briefly thought about making and selling scarves, but to be honest I see a bigger market for these signs because I have never seen them at any of the craft fairs or holidy shows around here. I think they would make great gifts for the runners in people's lives and I am actually planning on making them for my best friend, my sister and my niece for Christmas this year. I think that the DIY gifts are going to be big for us this year because of our tight budget, but sometimes those homemade gifts are the best kind.

Wishing: That Patrick and I could catch a break. I know that what we're doing is the right way and we will end up appreciating it more because we worked so damn hard to get what we want, but sometimes it's difficult to watch our friends and family get things handed to them. I really do understand that things happen for a reason and I know that one day we will have our dream home and a new car but it's not meant to be right now.

Measurements
Arm (L):
Last month: 12.75"
This month: 12.5"
Difference: -.25"

Thigh (L):
Last month: 26.75"
This month: 26.25"
Difference: -.5"

Bust:

Last month: 40.5"

This month: 40"

Difference: -.5"

Waist:

Last month: 35"

This month: 36"

Difference: +1"

Hips:

Last month: 44.5"

This month: 44.5"

Difference: 0

Progress Pictures:

Last month: 

This month:

Thoughts: I'm actually pretty happy with the results considering I didn't do as well as I could have. Taking measurements is definitely a different experience than weighing myself weekly. These results I can live with and not stress about or let take over my emotions. I know that since I just recently started strength training that I can expect to see better results next month. I also feel as though my progress pictures are similar, but improving. I am really a lot happier with what I see in the mirror these days.

Net Worth:
Last month: (as of 8/1/13)- $20,593.46
This month: (as of 8/31/13)- $20,187.87
Difference: -405.59

This month was kind of weird for us regarding net worth. While I was out of work with my wrist I had to write a check every two weeks for my health insurance. They just deposited all six checks this month. Although the money was in the account, it made the net worth take a hit doing it all at once. There was also the fact that the child support Patrick pays normally gets taken directly out of his paycheck but recently has not been. He had to pay for all of July and half of August this month. Another hit. There was also my car maintenance. Hit! And I signed Isabel up for swim lessons.. Hit..

You've sunk my battleship.

These are not normal things that happen monthly, so I feel as though we're doing well even if our net worth doesn't show it. We had the money for these things and didn't stress about them. That's a huge success in my opinion. We were able to transfer money to all of our savings and we currently have money left over from our last paycheck. Enough to not stress and probably transfer some extra over to our house savings again. I feel good about things financially, even if we're still on the uphill climb to get where we want to be.

My GPS Watch Has Died

And I am mourning it's death like it's a dear friend.

Because it is.. Or was..

My GPS watch was my first big ticket item I purchased for myself. I very rarely buy myself things other than clothing and this was the one thing that I desperately wanted. It took me months to talk myself into spending the money and when I finally got it I knew that it was worth every single penny.

I wore it for all of my training runs and it made it through 3 marathons and 6 half marathons. I had hopes that it would make it through the rest of my races and training. There were no signs that it would not turn on this afternoon for my run.

I am devastated. Which seems like a silly reaction over an electronic devise.

I am now on the hunt for a new GPS watch. I was hoping to just be able to purchase another Forerunner 305, but the manufacturer has discontinued this watch and the one available on Amazon is $329. I refuse to pay that much.

In fact, I'm having a difficult time justifying spending over $100, which I know I will have to do. I see this being a decision that will more than likely take me another few months to make before I inevitably decide that it is a purchase I will not regret making on myself.

Replacing this watch will not be easy. It was easy to use and learning something new is not what I had in mind while beginning my training for the next two years. Plus I can't justify spending close to $200 on myself right now.

Then again I know that I will eventually buy one and should just do it because it's not that big of an issue and because I know I will use it as much as I did this one (if not more since there will be more training happening).

I seriously feel like I am mourning a friend, which may sound ridiculous, however it was not something I expected and is difficult to accept. I will feel naked without it, or at least until I can replace it.

R.I.P. my friend. The past 1405.46 miles will not be forgotten.

Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself

1. I am thankful that I allow myself to adjust to my wants and needs. My weigh loss/fitness/eating goals and habits change often. One week I am at the gym 6 days and counting calories while the next week I am eating what I want and not going to the gym at all. I have learned that it's okay to do what's right for me in the moment and to just make the best choices with the information I have at hand. Right now, for example, I'm trying to eat healthier options and to stop eating when I am satisfied while working out 3-5 days a week (sometimes twice a day if need be). It's what's working for me right now while balancing family, work and my health goals.
2. I am thankful that I am interested in improving my health. It would be way to easy for me to say F it and just give up, eat all the things and never workout. I've done that on a few occasions and I realized that it doesn't make me happy to eat whatever I want. I makes me happy to feel good about myself and to not feel sluggish or sick to my stomach more often than not. I may not ever have my "ideal" body (whatever that may be) but I can feel good about myself at whatever size as long as I am doing the right things.
3. I am thankful that I enjoy my job and that I do a good job doing it. It may not be the job that I always dreamed of having growing up, but it is the next best thing. I love working at a desk in front of a computer and basically doing data entry. There's more to my job then that, but it sums it up easily... I am a quick learner and am thankful for the opportunity to be in a field that I had no experience in and that I had a chance to grow in. I may not make as much money as I'd like (or think I deserve), but it's a good job and I've been here for almost 3 years.
4. I am thankful that I have a fairly good handle on our finances. I have really been enjoying being the one to manage our money and I think that I'm doing a decent job at it. So far we have been able to put extra money into our house savings (not much, but some and right now every little bit counts). I have never been the type of person to want a lot, but I have always looked forward to being comfortable. I have been known to have a hate/hate relationship with money and now that we are combined it is a lot different. I balanced our checkbook after payday and realized that we would actually have some money left over and have been impatiently waiting for the bills to come so I can pay them. That's not like me at all and I like this me a lot better when it comes to money.
5. I am thankful that I can look in the mirror and point out positives in my body. Not every time, but more often than before so that's been a nice change of pace. I don't always see or feel the need to point out the negatives I see, but instead I can look and occasionally point out my stomach and see that it is slimming down, or my thighs and see that they too are becoming stronger. It's a huge step in the right direction.

Five things I am thankful for in life

1. I am thankful that my parents let me run before I pick up Isabel from their house. Some nights I have to fit in a workout where I can and in order to train properly I need to fit in two weekday runs that last anywhere from 30-45 minutes. Some nights I am able to get out there and go for the full 45 minutes, but other nights I can only do a quick run. I'm usually okay with that (especially with the hot weather we have been experiencing) but sometimes it doesn't seem worth it to go any less than 3 miles. Regardless, I do have to get in the minimum amount of time per week because it helps tremendously on the weekend long distance training run. This week I've had to run on the nights that Patrick has had to close at work, meaning I have to run before I pick up Isabel. They are very easy going and know that it's important to me, so they don't have a problem letting me run first.
2. I am thankful that my parents started a savings account for me to go to college. It didn't stop me from applying for scholarships through my high school and it didn't stop me from dropping classes. I made stupid choices, but I still went to college and got my AA. I so wish I wouldn't have screwed around and would have gone onto a 4-year college to get a BS and who knows where I would be if I had done that, but then again I'm happy where I am now. The point of this is that my parents were able to help me go to college and I will be grateful to them for that. In doing so I knew that I wanted to be able to help my children go to college as well and even though I probably won't be able to pay for the whole thing like they did I will be able to help and I love that. Isabel has had an account since birth and my step children's accounts were started about a year before Patrick and I got married.
3. I am thankful that I am getting healthy and trying to get my eating habits under control now. I know a lot of people tend to have a specific date or occasion in mind to motivate them to lose weight: summer, a reunion, a wedding, etc. For me it's the holiday's. I want to get into the habit of eating well and listening to my hunger signals now so that when Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas come around I will be able to enjoy myself but not regret any of my food decisions.
4. I am thankful that my husband appreciates me. I am fully aware that I have a lot of improving to do as a person, as a mother and especially as a wife but I am trying. I need to learn patience when it comes to my marriage. I feel as though I have patience for other areas of my life including Isabel and work, but when it comes to him I am quick to get upset. That's not fair to him. We both have improvements to do and we are working on that together. I am just grateful that when I do things to help (like clean the entire apartment while he's at work or make dinner- which if you knew me is HUGE) he is thankful and takes the time to tell me how much he appreciates it.
5. I am thankful that we are planning on having a garage sale. It is difficult to part with some things (like my size 8 jeans) but it's important to clear out the unnecessary stuff that we don't use and don't need. It's going to be really nice to have space for the things we do want and need as well as some extra money that will be used for our house savings and for getting Patrick out of debt (he is so close!). I am also going to be going through Isabel's stuff and getting rid of some of her things because she has a ridiculous amount of stuff. All of the money she makes from her items will go into her college savings account.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

May 2012- Open House at our Wedding Venue

We were invited to come to our wedding venue to taste food and to see the location all done up. I was in the process of losing weight for the wedding and from the pictures I think I look great. Of course at that time I was still too big.

That was a fun evening. Both of our mom's came with us as well as my best friend. It was there that I realized they stole my idea to do s'mores for dessert (our wedding favor) and I attempted to get something for free but failed. We were the first couple to have a fire pit and roast marshmallows for s'mores at the venue. What can I say? I'm full of great ideas and I truly believe I threw a great wedding.

Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself

1. I am thankful for my smile. Lately I've just been feeling so much more positive and in feeling that way I have been smiling a lot more. I feel better when I'm smiling and (according to Patrick) I am more beautiful when I smile (not that I'm not beautiful when I don't smile...) I like smiling and I like laughing and I like feeling positive.
2. I am thankful that I think ahead when it comes to work. My best friend and coworker are always thinking ahead and trying to help people. This means more work for us, but it really feels nice to help someone. The office dynamic wasn't always like this and she and I rarely got the help we needed, so we vowed to never treat those under us the way we were treated.
3. I am thankful for my flexibility when it comes to working out. I have not made it to the gym at all this week and besides walking and running I have done nothing workout related. I'm not worried, stressed or upset at myself about it though because I am putting my family first and that's a good reason. Plus I'll be at the gym all weekend and next week will be a more normal week.
4. I am thankful that I am not concerned with the scale. After getting rid of it my attitude completely changed about my body. Obviously I'm not just going to suddenly love something I despised so much just because I don't know the number anymore, but I am accepting it and that feels great!
5. I am thankful for my creativity. Although I haven't been able to work on my crafts as much as I would like (financial and time play a factor) I think I have finally found the right way to make them so that they will look their best and hopefully I can start selling them soon.

Five things I am thankful for in life

1. I am thankful for my beautiful and intelligent daughter. Three days into kindergarten and the teacher wants to bump her up to second grade. Unfortunately she can't, so she will be talking to the principle about having her stay in the kindergarten/first grade split class but being a first grader. I am a ball of emotions about this (mostly good). I know it's a good thing, but I'm a mother, I worry. We'll see what happens...
2. I am thankful for bonuses at work. Although the bonus was not as much as I anticipated, it is still extra money that I normally wouldn't have had and I am grateful for it. I was hoping to be able to use it to pay Patrick's car insurance, but unfortunately it's not even enough to do that. It will help though and that's what I'm choosing to focus on.
3. I am thankful that I am focused on financial goals. I am always more motivated to do something when I have a goal in mind. Like with fitness, it helps get me to the gym when I know I need to reach a certain number of miles for the week. I enjoy it more because I am working towards something. For me, it's the same with financials. I so desperately want Patrick and I to be able to buy a house sooner rather than later. I know it may not happen in the time frame I have in mind, but that goal helps push me to do what I can to get there.
4. I am thankful that I have flexibility in my work schedule to be able to take Isabel to school. I am only taking her on the days that Patrick has to open, but it has been really nice getting up with her in the morning, having breakfast together and dropping her off. Next week I will only get to do it one day, and I know that it will vary week to week, but I love being able to participate in this. Normally it's either my mom or Patrick who drops off and picks up, so I like that I can be there for her too.
5. I am thankful that things seem to be heading in a positive direction. I feel positive about most things and am generally happy. I haven't felt this good for this long in quite some time, so I am just enjoying the ride without putting too much stress on anything. I am reaching my miles that I have set and I am enjoying watching our finances improve (savings go up, debts go down). I am focusing on getting rid of unnecessary items in our apartment and using that extra money for our house savings. I am excited to see where things go.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

June 4, 2011- Patrick's cousins wedding.

I had recently hit my goal weight for weight watchers and treated myself to a Vera Wang dress from Kohl's. I felt great in the dress and let loose that night, not caring what people thought. It felt great to just enjoy myself and to dance like no one was watching. 

Confessions of a Running Mom

Yesterday was the first day of school. I really thought that I was going to completely lose it when I dropped her off. I had prepared myself all weekend by tearing up randomly, basically scaring Isabel into thinking that I was upset that she was growing up and that doing so was a bad thing.

I did my absolute best to wait until she went to bed Sunday night before needing to be hugged and calmed down by Patrick. He's so good with my irrational break downs... I sobbed into his shoulder trying to explain how I had gone the past 5 years fighting to keep her with me and now I'm just sending her off. He told me that it was a part of being a parent and that everything would be okay.

I took the entire day off from work so that I could drop her off and pick her up and spend some extra time with her since my work schedule is going to be pretty odd now that she is in school. Since Patrick works in retail he does not have a set schedule so some mornings I will have to take her to school and other mornings he will take her. Her school doesn't allow drop offs until 7:45am, meaning that I won't get to work until 8:15-8:30 depending on traffic. My normal 7:30-4:30 shifts won't work on those days, so I will be working 8:30-5:30. I don't really like this because there will be more traffic both on the way to work and on the way home, but it does mean that we get to spend an hour together in the mornings getting ready for school and that I get to take her to school. These are important moments here.

Having this schedule also means that my workout schedule needs some retouching. There is no way that I can justify going to the gym after getting home on those days that I take Isabel to school. I wouldn't get home until after 7pm and after showers, dinner, etc I would only see her for a half hour. We're trying to get her into bed no later than 8. That's not enough for me. So for now I will be doing some at home workouts and trying to make up the miles on the weekends and on the days that Patrick closes or is off.

I tried to use my day off the best I could. My car was up for scheduled maintenance so I made an appointment to drop it off in the morning. What I thought would be an $80 visit ended up starting at $310 since my car is almost at 60,000 miles and I "needed" the blue service. So many services were being thrown at me which meant $$$. I decided to get the bare minimum that I could which was the estimated $310 service.

That's what I thought about when I ran from the Toyota dealership to my parents house. For 5.07 miles I thought about money and how frustrating it is to start to feel ahead financially and then get knocked down a peg or two. I wasn't really stressing that badly because we had the money in our checking account, but it would be a drain on it since Patrick also had to pay child support. I apologized to him for the inconvenience (he quickly text back that there was no reason to apologize) and then I went on my merry way.

Then I got a call that the water pump was leaking coolant and that it would cost another $300 some odd dollars. Frick on a stick! Okay, fine. It has to be fixed because that's obviously not good... I figured I could transfer some money around and we could pay it back on payday. No big deal. Another apology and another it's okay. And of course something else was found to be broken. Not quite sure what, but it was cracked and needed to be replaced. Thankfully I wasn't charged for service, just the part, but a total of $792 later and my car was back in my possession.

I cannot begin to express my gratitude to my parents. My sister and I were very fortunate growing up and as soon as we graduated from high school we were told that we had a college fund. I am so grateful to my parents for setting this up and have in turn learned that it's something that needs to be done early for my own children. Each of our three kids have an account and although they are not as much as I would like, they are slowly growing and it means a lot to me to be able to at least help my children reach their dreams. There happened to be money left over in this account that I had decided to keep in the account in case I wanted to get a car or home loan through the credit union. My mom suggested I take the money out of that account and put it towards my car. Such a relief to not have to stress about it! I ended up taking enough to pay for the car and a little extra (just in case it ended up costing more) and put the extra into our house savings.

The added expense was unfortunate and unexpected, but I didn't freak out and I think that is such a huge step in the right direction. Patrick and I are still in the beginning stages of finding our footing when it comes to our finances and although we're not where we would like to be, we are on our way and I think the potential is endless. In fact, we're discussing having a garage sale at my parents in order to bring in some extra money for our house and/or car savings accounts. Responsibility!

Today is the second day of school and oddly enough it was more difficult today than it was yesterday. I think mainly for the fact that I knew that I wasn't going to be picking her up or seeing her until later tonight. I basically dropped her off, said goodbye and had to leave in order to make it to work. It was difficult to walk away, difficult to see her through the gate (and running to me for one more kiss), difficult to drive away thinking that she will most likely line up in the wrong line again. I have to kind of let go though. It's not in my control anymore and I feel comfortable with the teachers and the yard supervisor to get her where she needs to go.

It has been helping to journal. I think that it's something that will be a nice surprise for her when she graduates from high school and since I'm including photos and stuff it will be nice to look back on together. I asked her questions yesterday about her favorites and what she wants to be when she grows up and I think it will be nice to see her answers change as the years go by. I also found a really sentimental poem that hit home that I included for today's entry:

"I wonder what you're doing right now,

and if everyone is treating you kind.

I home there is a special person,

a nice friend that you can find.

I wonder if the teacher knows

just how special you are to me.

And if the brightness of your hear

is something she can see.

I wonder if you are thinking about me,

and if you need a hug.

I already miss the sound of your voice

and how you give my leg a tug.

I wonder if you could possibly understand

how hard it is for me to let you grow.

On this day know that my heart breaks,

for this is the first step in letting my baby go."

Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself

1. I am thankful that my body is willing to wake up at 4:30am in order to get to the gym at 5am. I never thought that I would be a morning person, but I have grown to absolutely love when I get in a morning workout because it usually means that when I get home from work then I am done for the day (unless I have a run scheduled).
2. I am thankful that my calf muscles are forming. I have always wanted to have runners calves and have found myself staring at other runners legs when at races. I dreamed of one day building up my muscles to look that good. They are starting to get there and I know that if I continue to put in the work then I will be there before I know it.
3. I am thankful that I have found a way to enjoy running. I used to think that there was something wrong with me because I didn't enjoy to run and because I couldn't do it for long periods of time. Then I discovered Jeff Galloway and intervals and I now know that I can run and that I love it. I really think that one of the best fitness related feelings is finding something you're passionate for.
4. I am thankful that I am debt free and able to sign up for races without guilt. Some of the races that I have interest in running are priced higher than others, however I am able to save for those and enjoy the experience. There has not been one running related purchase that I have felt guilty for and I am so grateful for that.
5. I am thankful that I am taking the necessary steps to become a more positive person to myself. I am eating healthy without being too restrictive, I am working out without being too strict and I am trying to keep myself from talking about myself negatively. It feels good to be taking positive steps in the right direction knowing that I won't be going backwards on Saturday at weigh in.

Five things I am thankful for in life

1. I am thankful that I am in charge of our finances. I trust Patrick 100%, but having that control makes me feel better. I know that we are on such a good path right now and although we both wish we could get there faster, I know that we are doing it the right way and we will soon be looking for our forever home.
2. I am thankful that I am beginning to cut out the negative things in my life that cause me stress. It's a difficult process since some of these things have become habits and it's difficult to walk away from, but I know that in the end I will be better for it.
3. I am thankful that Patrick and I are actively talking about our family and the addition of a little one. We will be waiting for approximately two years until we have a house and after two particular races that I would like to finish first, but just talking about it and knowing that we will be trying in the somewhat near future is something that brings me joy. Patrick is such an amazing father and I cannot wait to see him with our baby.
4. I am thankful that Patrick's cousin called us on Saturday to stop by. She was on her way to the airport to pick up her daughters and had some time to spare. It was unexpected and thankfully I was given enough of a warning to be able to pick up the apartment. It gave me a reality check that the apartment should always be cleaned (or at the very least picked up) so that visitors don't cause so much anxiety.
5. I am thankful that my little girl is starting Kindergarten on Monday. She is going to absolutely love school and I am hoping that the structure will help us all get into a better routine. She is so smart and I know that being in school is just going to provide even more possibilities for her.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

June 29, 2010- Camping with Patrick's extended family (aunt, uncle, cousins, nieces, etc).

There are very few pictures of me from our first camping trip together. There are tons of pictures, but I would say I'm in about 10, if that. The ones that I am in are either really close up (face only) or really far away like these two.

I refused to wear the two piece bathing suit I brought with me because I was extremely self conscious of being judged by his family. I now know that that thought is ridiculous because I was being judged already on so many other levels. It didn't help that one of the girls there wore nothing but a bikini for four days and had a perfect body.

Looking back I wish I would have realized that it's about confidence, not a perfect body.

Regardless of what I wore, I did have fun and I did make a good impression on his family. I also had a lot of new experiences with Patrick (like the one below) and I really think it was a turning point for me and his children that weekend.

Running Crafts

I used to have every single racing bib and medal hanging in our living room in our apartment. I was proud of my accomplishments and wanted to show off.

 

But we never had any visitors and it felt kind of silly having them hanging where they were. I decided one day out of the blue to take down all of my running memorabilia that was in the living room, leaving room on one shelf for my running books and my racing bib, medal, a picture, my knee high sock with "Los Angeles" down the side, my shoe lace and congratulation cards from my first marathon.

 

I kind of thought that it was silly to be bragging about these races. I thought that it was a bit much to show off all of my bibs and all of my medals and to have pictures up from races.

 

But a few weeks went by and I realized that I was missing something. I missed seeing those numbers, those medals, those memories from my accomplishments.

 

I can talk anyone up. If they're having a bad day or are thinking little of themselves for doing something that they don't think is amazing I can put on my cheerleader outfit (not literally- and sorry for that mental image) and wave my pom poms around in order to make them feel better and to boost them up.

 

But ask me to be a cheerleader for myself and I am unable to think of anything positive to say. I can think of a few reasons why this is, and I'm learning how to get out of this way of thinking through therapy but not making much progress.

 

Back to my point..

 

I felt like my races were not anything to brag about because there are so many people out there who have done so much more than I have. But there is no reason why I shouldn't be proud of what I have done, in fact I should be showing them off because there are so many people out there who haven't done as much as I have.

 

I decided to put some of my bibs and medals up on a bulletin board.

 

 

But it's not really doing it for me. So I decided to make my own. I'm still in the process of making it, but I'm really excited about it. I think it's going to be just the right size to not be the center of attention, but I can put it out where people can see it without feeling like it's over taking the room.

 

I have already decided that I'm going to be making a set for a couple people for Christmas, but with different sayings. I'm excited about that too. And my mom has suggested I make a bunch of them and sell them at a nearby craft show. I'm not sure they're that good and I would probably spend more time to make them better, but is it really that far fetched of an idea? I had fun doing it, it wasn't too expensive and it would be awesome to make some extra money... We'll see what happens.

 

 

The hooks I plan on using for my sign.

 

Stencils.

Bling It On.

Find Your Happy Pace

This will be the sign that I hang my medals on.

This sign will be the sign that I hang my racing bibs on (once I get a clip).

Finding Our Financial Footing

Patrick and I have successfully been budgeting and watching our spending for a whole two weeks!

Yes, in the grand scheme of things two weeks is not that long, but compared to how we were spending to how we have been doing is amazing and I am really proud of the two of us. Unfortunately we ended this pay period with not a lot left in our checking account, but the bills are all up to date and we are feeling good about the next two weeks.

We did end the week in the positive, but not with enough to roll over into our house savings. He and I agreed on an amount that we would like to keep in our checking at the end of the pay period. Anything over that amount will go directly to savings. Again, bills are all up to date and since they usually come around the same time I wasn't expecting to have much left over.

I will admit that I am a little nervous about Patrick's paycheck. He closed his bank account last weekend and joined me at my bank. We are now functioning financially 100% joint. So far, so good... But, since his paycheck was on direct deposit he had to make sure to cancel where the check was going. It was after the pay period had ended, so I'm a little worried that 1. His check will try to go to his old bank because he didn't cancel it in time or 2. He will receive a "live" check but it will get delivered to one of the other three stores he's worked at in the past 6 months.

I know I'm probably worrying about nothing and it's really not that huge of an issue if something did go wrong, but I'm the type of person who needs to worry about something for a few hours and then I'm over it and can work on a solution.

It will not be the end of the world if we have to wait a couple days to get a check. We can live off of my check until we are able to deposit his, especially since all of the bills have been paid. Groceries will just have to wait until the check is received and since we've gone longer than 2 weeks between grocery trips I know we will be fine.

The fact that we are both so ready to be financially stable has me very excited. In the past it has always been me pushing the issue and trying to get Patrick to jump on board. I was able to get him to pay off the majority of his debt over the past six months to a year and I am so proud of him for doing so. Now it's time to tackle the rest of it, improve our credit scores and build up our savings.

After talking to the gentleman at the bank about home loans, Patrick and I became curious about our credit scores and decided it was time to check them. They're not bad, at all, but there is room for improvement and that's our current goal. We are going to pay off the rest of his debt and begin to make some conscious purchases using our credit card. We have decided that we will save for big ticket items (a dryer, a small television for the kids for Christmas and DVD player for their room, etc). Once we have the money in our checking account we will purchase those items on a credit card and then pay them off immediately.

The other thing we are working on is building our savings accounts.

I'm obsessive compulsive and we have a total of 10 savings accounts, each are nicknamed and have a set amount that automatically transfer each payday. Isabel has a college fund, Leah has a college fund, Kaleb has a college fund, the cat has a savings account for vet visits, we have a retirement savings account (on top of each of us having a 401k, we have a vacation fund, a new car fund, a savings account for Christmas (so that it's not as much of a financial burden, but we still don't have to do the bare minimum), I have a savings account for The Dopey Challenge and of course a savings for our future home.

Our home savings is the one we are most excited about. It is fun to put money into it and watch it grow so that we can start looking sooner rather than later. Patrick and I are very lucky people and we will most likely be able to borrow money from our parents. He and I have decided that we will be saving a certain amount before asking them for help so that we can also contribute to our down payment (we are set on paying the 20% down payment and no less) but also use it as an emergency fund since it's very rare you can buy a house without at least a few headaches.

I think he and I are both antsy to have this happen as soon as possible, but we both know that we are doing it the right way. We will financially be in a great place and I just know that "our home" isn't ready for us yet (believe me, I've looked in our price range in the area we want to move to...)

All in all, I am feeling very positive about where we are and where we are heading and I am absolutely loving tracking our progress. I see good things in our future. Very positive good things.

Thursday Thoughts

Thankful Thursday:

Five things I am thankful for about myself

1. I am thankful that I have stretch marks as battle scars from being pregnant. My body had to do some amazing things in order to get pregnant and have a happy and healthy pregnancy. I need to stop looking at these things as a negative and instead remember what my body had to do in order to deliver a healthy and beautiful little girl.
2. I am thankful for my thighs. They may not be as small as I would like them to be, but that doesn't mean that they are big in a bad way. They are thick because they need to be in order to get in all of the miles it takes to run all of these races. Without my thighs I wouldn't be able to run. They are not fat like I seem to think most of the time, they are strong.
3. I am thankful that my calves are looking amazing. All of the running, the biking and the elliptical-ing have proven beneficial for this part of my body. I have always loved looking at other runners calf muscles and feeling envious, wondering when mine were going to pop. Well, they are popping and I am more than happy to wear shorts and 3/4 pants to show them off.
4. I am thankful for my feet. A good pedicure changes my opinion about them for the better, but I will always be grateful to have runners feet (blisters, missing toenails, etc). I earned those feet, and although they are not attractive to most I wouldn't trade the miles and experiences I have had for anything.
5. I am thankful for my drive when it comes to working out. It may seem crazy to most to workout as much as I have been these past two weeks, but for me it is becoming second nature. I am enjoying my workouts and the benefits that I am receiving from them. The scale may not be reflecting my hard work, but my endurance and stamina are enough to keep me going. As long as I enjoy the workouts I will continue to do them and when they become boring or I feel like I'm burning out then I will switch things up.

Five things I am thankful for in life

1. I am thankful to have a husband who understands my need and desire to workout as much as I do. I feel as though we have a good system going where I can usually workout before work while he is still sleeping and only spend a small amount of time working out rather than spending time with him and Isabel. Some days I am not able to and I end up spending more time away, but he is so supportive that I know I don't need to feel guilty about this healthy habit of mine.
2. I am thankful that I have a best friend that I can talk to about anything. I know that if I am having a bad day or if I need to talk something out that is bothering me I can turn to her and use her for support. We are able to talk to each other without a filter and our walks together on our breaks are often the best part of the work day. I can only hope that I am able to offer her as much support as she offers me.
3. I am thankful that I am able to afford a therapist. Although I have yet to take any huge strides in improving myself, I am taking baby steps and each session I am able to discover something new and work towards bettering myself. I know that I am only going to take out of it what I put into it, so I have a feeling that our appointments are going to get much deeper so that I can start to see the improvements in myself that I so deeply crave.
4. I am thankful that Patrick and I followed through on combining finances. We both know where we are in regards to our credit score and we are actively working on improving. We're not doing bad, but we could be better and it's important for us to figure this out now instead of in a year or two when we are looking for a house. We are both doing pretty good with our budget (I expected us to stumble a little with the first paycheck or two) and I'm very proud of us.
5. I am thankful that I am feeling genuinely happy. I have a good life and it's about damn time I realized that. I am not always a pessimist, and I try to look at the glass half full as often as I can, but I'm human and tend to hold onto the things that cause me grief. Lately (and I think I can thank the endorphins from working out) the sky has been bluer and the grass has been greener. I'm taking out of life what I put into it. I am thankful that I have a job that I like, I'm thankful that I have a hobby that I can hopefully benefit financially from, I am thankful that I have a best friend that gets me, I'm thankful that I have a cat that is the sweetest thing, I am thankful that I have bonus (step) children that I get along with, I am thankful that I have an apartment that suits our needs, I am thankful that we have money in the bank, I am thankful that we are so close to being out of debt and mostly I am thankful that I have a husband who loves me and who I love. He is patient and understanding and we can get through anything as long as we're standing side-by-side.

Throwback Thursday:
I think it's going to take me a little while to get used to posting pictures of myself from the past. I feel a little weird doing it, but there are not a lot of pictures of myself from the past five years and that's kind of something I regret. So I'm going to put them out there from all phases of the past few years. From my highest weight when I was nine months pregnant and the yo yo weights from then to now. I don't know how many pictures I actually have, but I think it will be good to come to terms with my past in order to accept who I am now.

It's been one hell of a journey and I am ready to see myself, maybe the way others saw me. Again, I don't know how many pictures there are of me since I'm usually the one behind the camera. I'm going to do my best to pick pictures that show my body since this is a weight loss/fitness blog (or at least it's supposed to be).

My photo CDs are in no particular order (an ongoing organizing task I have yet to find time or money to do). Since they are not in any order, the photo's I post weekly will also not be in any particular order. I will do my best to include a year, but most pictures will be from March 2008-present as that is when I started saving my pictures onto discs.

September 20, 2008- Isabel's first trip to the beach.

She had just turned 6 months, so we decided to take her one a trip to the beach. We found a nice little secluded spot where she could play and experience the sand in between her toes. I don't remember, but I don't think I ever took my shorts or shirt off to enjoy the sun and the water. I remember hating my body.

Choosing a Distance

I decided a while ago that I needed some running goals. Something I could work towards, train for, reach. I always work harder physically when I have a goal in mind.

So I decided to run 12 half marathon (or longer distance) races in the 2014 calendar year. I chose this goal so that I would constantly be training for something year round and as an attempt to not lose the running bug. So far the decision has proven to be positive as I am so excited to start training and so excited to see what limits I can push myself to.

I immediately began signing up for races for 2014, or at least for the months that were available. I planned out the races I knew I wanted to participate in, even if the registration was not open yet and as a way to plan out my year. I have been periodically checking active.com and other sources for updated racing dates and times for next year so that I will know when to register and what will be needed for those races (registration costs, traveling, support, training, etc.)

While searching for my next open month (May 2014), I came across an interesting race. Mountains 2 Beach. They have both the half marathon distance and full marathon distance available. It has taken me a little while to decide on what to do.

On one hand I may not want to run a marathon two months after finishing LA. On the other, I probably will.

As I finished the last 5K of the LA Marathon last year I told myself with every running interval that I never had to run another marathon again if I didn't want to. Dopey was out of the question. I was pretty much ready to give up running completely. Then I crossed the finish line, tears in my eyes from realizing I had reached my time goal and I made the trek back to where my family was waiting. I kid you not, it was about half a mile from the finish line to the end of the gated area to then turn around and head back a mile to my family.

That was the worst feeling ever. To run a marathon and to continue to walk for over a mile before finally being able to sit.

My dad jokes that running 26 miles is easy that it's the 0.2 miles that will get you. I have always and will always disagree and say that it's the walk back to your car.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to yell. I wanted to sit on the curb and protest walking. I wanted someone to pick me up and carry me. I wanted to never, ever run a marathon again. And that is exactly what I told Patrick when I finally made it to them. "I am done. I don't ever want to do this again."
I think there's something called Runners Amnesia. It's best defined here.

"Runner’s Amnesia:  a condition in which a runner’s memory is lost. In specified cases, the horrible mental and physical agony experienced from racing began to fade, and the endorphins from running seemed to morph those memories into fond, happy experiences in which the runner had very little to no recollection of the pain and negative experiences that occurred. In the most severe cases, this also resulted in the runner signing up for more, sometimes even harder events."

I relate it to child birth. Granted, I never physically had to give birth, but I did go through 9 hours of labor without any pain medication and with the nurse ever so kindly continuously upping my dose of pitocin as often as she could. It hurt, there's no question about it, but as soon as I could hear the cry of my daughter in the operating room nothing else existed. The pain was gone, the fear was gone, there was nothing to think about but that little girl. And I have been wanting another child for a while now.. Amnesia.

It only took about 5 days to decide that I wanted to keep running and that I most likely would run the LA Marathon again in 2014. And now here I am to let you know that I will officially be doing the full marathon for Mountains 2 Beach in May of 2014 as well. I woke up this morning and immediately signed up as spaces were limited.

Hopefully the amnesia will kick in as quickly as it did last year.

And hopefully I don't get burnt out. I know that it's a lot and I know that I am going to be exercising and running and training like a crazy person, but you have to be pretty crazy to run a marathon and half crazy for the 13.1 distance. I found my passion and I'm going to crazy it up for as long as I can!

Like I told my best friend the other day while we were out walking... I don't want to get to a point in my life where I can't run anymore and think "You know what I wish I would have done..." Instead I am going to run while I can and enter races while I can and enjoy the experiences.

Not everyone understands the need to pay to run. I don't pay to run, I pay for an experience and I have yet to regret these decisions. Each race is different and completely worth it and as long as I'm not putting it on my credit card and am paying my bills on time then I don't see the need to justify it. And I can tell you that I intend to continue to race until at least September of 2015, but it may be past then. Who knows at this point.